steadychevy
My D cost $6,300. It was uncontested, no dependents, ended a partnership, changed land titles to individual names from joint, had clauses that I rent her land for pasture and what happens if she rents to someone else or sells or I do either, etc. There might be a little more to come but not much. Her lawyer cost her about $1,200.
Have no idea what it would have been contested. Had most of the terms worked out before going to the lawyer which took over a year and a few attempts. Just her and I with no mediator or anything else.
.....
Hm... This is very interesting. Maybe my lawyer was giving worst case? I don't know, it's worth another talk with him.
ChamomileTea
Back when I was determined to get a D, I pretty much just told my WH, "this is what's going to happen, and it can be the easy way or the hard way". I didn't have to go into more detail than that, but if I had, I'd have explained to him that 'we can give most of what we have to the attorneys and you can go on the public record as an adulterer, or we can divide what we have up evenly and just be done'.
I like this - I think I will throw out something like this.
You guys are in Virginia, if memory serves. You could sue on grounds and because adultery matters, it could be your WW looking for somewhere to live, not to mention having to stand and listen to what a family court judge thinks of her behavior and having it recorded for all time so that her great-great-great grandchildren can look it up.
Yes, we're in VA and adultery does matter in terms of finances, not so much custody.
Your WW doesn't believe you're willing to go to the mat, and of course, it's not your first choice. But I do think you'll get more cooperation if she understands that even though you'd rather do it "the easy way", you're at her disposal if she'd rather make it hard.
I think you're correct.
She's in a game of chicken with you, and she thinks she's winning. I'd save it for mediation though so a third party can tell her what a divorce on grounds might look like.
I may or may not. She shits her pants when I go to my lawyer for some reason. Actually I think it's because she can't afford one really - I mean, she could, but she doesn't want to because in doing so she's putting her future at risk.
Marz
Being a martyr is a bad choice. You matter too
You won’t be much of a father figure if you don’t have a place to live and no money.
I agree with you - that's why it's one or the other. Actually the truth is that I could afford a place right now, it's just things will be extremely tight for me and I wouldn't have the emotional support that I think I'll need on the weeks that I won't have the kids (at least the first few).
RocketRaccoon
Yup. It is a maelstrom of shit going thru you right now. Not being dismissive, but this is 'normal'. It is part anxiety, part anger, a measure of angst, a spoonful of confusion, and a dusting of (stale) love-remnants.
No, I hear you - I'm sure it is. I also know that emotions hang on longer than the rational mind. My grandmother had Alzheimer's disease. Occasionally she would get into a mood - she'd be angry about something or afraid about something. A few minutes later she'd still have the emotion but have no idea why she was experiencing it. She'd have the emotion for 1/2 hour or more. Emotions die hard and clog the rational mind. I'm not saying they are bad, necessarily, but they do make hard necessary decisions even harder.
Little hint to get the vampire off you.... eat some garlic *bit of levity*
Lol, I love garlic...It's not working...
You have now decided on a course of action. Keep focused on it. However, do look around you once in a while to see if you need to adjust your course or you might hit something that you want to avoid.
Will do. I think that I go through bad swings in the mornings and I come here to post - to get them 'out' of my system. You know? Then I feel more hopeful and better.
In other news both my kids are sick. I've had a few exchanges about it with my wife about it. Also, I got an email about an open house for some apartments I'd looked at (and actually lived in, in the past). They are pretty nice, to tell the truth.