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CantEatCantSleep:

I'm not joking - you're no better than a WS, with the pain you've caused to someone who has done nothing to you. Maybe worse, since your actions are intentionally malicious.

Really? I have never made any promise to protect that @hole from losing his job. I never made any promises not to avenge him. I never made any promises not to burn everything around me like you phrase it. If I could legally hurt him beyond just making him spent some dollaritoes on his child and then cut his earnings I would do it as long as it is legal in the state of NJ. I do not even know how much he spent because I cannot believe him when he blamed me and my WW that now he has no job and has to spend thousands on his child treatment.

Perhaps that's the reason for your insatiable hate. Rambler is right - this will destroy you. Unfortunately it sounds like you might send everything around you up in flames, before you're done.

Look, I did not cheat. I upheld my promise. Besides, you tell me what the punishment that he deserve. You tell me what should be done to him to satisfy me? He was the equal participant. Yeah, it was cruel to deal with him like that but I had to do it. I also had to divorce my spouse after I drained the bank account because ultimately I had to protect my equity. If those things are "send everything up in flames" then I guess be it.

Oh my...

[This message edited by prissy4lyfe at 10:49 PM, November 28th (Tuesday)]

I don’t even judge you for getting him fired,not caring about him losing his job, or the effect on his family. You’re right, the issue of his lower pay, and child’s insurance aren’t your problem. Although I feel terribly sad for a hurting child, those are consequences of his actions, your not obliged to make your legal decisions around the welfare of his family. Acting now, with intentional malice towards his wife? DIRECTLY inflicting pain on an innocent woman? Inexcusable.

Yeah, it was cruel to deal with him like that but I had to do it. I also had to divorce my spouse after I drained the bank account because ultimately I had to protect my equity. If those things are "send everything up in flames" then I guess be it.

Ugh. The cause is lost with this one. I never thought I'd say this to a BS. You just don't get it. You're a selfish prick.

Im not even sure of the legality of that one, or how you got away with it, but again, protecting your assets, or punishing your WW? Sure I get it no one wants to give their cheater a dime of money they earned (assuming you did earn it all, and she didn’t?) I won’t knock you there either if that’s the case, unless you are in effect cheating your children out of financial stability to punish her. But your missing the point here. Hurting innocents is wrong...whether it’s he obs, or your children because your now divorced wife can’t pay for their clothing or stable housing without money.. think about it

I 100% agree that she is a collateral damage. Her children are collateral damage too. However, they are collateral damage of her husband's irresponsible actions and her husband's selfishness. Everything else, his loss of job, him beeing unemployed and later under-employed are just consequences...

I can't even find the words to describe how reprehensible this is.

This woman and child are not collateral damage. They are people. Completely innocent of having any role in the betrayal that destroyed your marriage. You have serious hate for the AP? Join the club. I doubt there's a BS here that doesn't feel the same about the AP in their situation. But to willfully and maliciously cause the OBS further pain is inexcusable and is flat out evil IMO. What the hell did she do to you? Take a look in the mirror. Look into your own eyes. See the pain? Realize that she is suffering the same thing. Have some empathy.

I'm a SAHM and you better believe it weighs in heavily in my thinking and decision making. You chastise and belittle her as if she's pitiful when there's the distinct chance that at this point she's powerless. She doesn't need your little reminders of the nightmare she's living. To be faced with infidelity and have limits put upon you by your situation is hell. That I can assure you. To be further tormented by the OBS is unfathomable to me.

You are being cold, cruel and callous. Yes you have every right to be angry but to aim your vengeance at an innocent wife and child is disturbing.

Wouldn't it be better to forget about these people? He didn't do anything your ex wife didn't want. You divorced her and he lost his job. That's the time to move on and refocus. Hell, you could even say that the guy did you a solid, he got a cheater out of your life. Now you can find someone worth your while. Refocus. Drop this silky passive aggressive card nonsense, she probably knows what's in them by now and just tosses them without opening. Time to do you. Fuck AP and your ex.

Seriously the OM is getting the last laugh. How? Because he is occupying so much space in your mind. Yes he is still married, still getting laid. And you are sitting there stewing about it. Pumping cortisol, shortening your life.

Personally I think you would be better served by dating and finding a new woman.

This must be the type of logic employed by people who go into a school or coffee shop and shoot up the whole place. Because they are hurting, everyone else is just "collateral damage". I've always wondered about it, and now I see it in living color. Except the sad part is this woman has already had unspeakable suffering, and you're just twisting the knife because even though it hurts her a lot, it "might" hurt him. WTF, dude.

Ramius,

Personally I think you would be better served by dating and finding a new woman.

I simply have no time. I am loaded with work. Since that time I passed my Uniform CPA exam and joined KPMG. Plus, I still have feelings towards my xWW. By the way, I am now making more monsy than he was making while being xWW boss! I am quite happy about it. Tomorrow I am taking a day off so I can just relax. I am happy about it too. Sending the card is more like a tradition for the last three years.

your children because your now divorced wife can’t pay for their clothing or stable housing without money.. think about it

We did not have any children so it was not a concern...

MalibuBayBreeze:

I'm a SAHM and you better believe it weighs in heavily in my thinking and decision making.

I understand what you are saying: you need to protect your chikdren interests. So let me ask you a question: "what would you do if you get a card like that?"

Wjat is your goal in postng here?

Is earnings management legal, if it’s within GAAP? Yes.

Is earnings management ethical? No.

What you’ve done is legal, but not ethical.

Since that time I passed my Uniform CPA exam and joined KPMG.]

You may have technically passed the exam, but what you’ve done (harassment) is probably an act discreditable. If KPMG knew, they would probably fire you. They don’t want staff auditors who agree with CFOs that earnings management is fine because it’s legal. They don’t want employees who don’t understand ethics, but rather, cling to legal definitions. You have a legal obligation to inform your employer that you may have engaged in commiting an act discreditable and let them decide.

what would you do if you get a card like that?

I know you asked Malibu but since I'm a betrayed wife who was told by the other betrayed husband, I thought you might get something from my answer.

What I would do is open it up, realize what it was, and drop it right in the trash. We are at such a good place I wouldn't even bother my husband with that drivel. I'd only stop long enough to feel really sorry for you that you are still stuck where you are because it's very pathetic. I'd probably take a moment to wish you and your wife some peace because if this is where you still are after three years, your life must really suck no matter how much money you're making. You have to walk around with this person inside your head all day, every day and that's just not a good place to be. I know I'd feel sorry for the person who sent a card like that because I feel really sorry for you.

Sending that card to the OBS says so much more about you than it does about them. And while the WS may be responsible for what he brought into their lives, you also are responsible for your actions and they are quite reprehensible. The fact that the WS' initial actions started all this doesn't make your actions any less inappropriate. And if I were KPMG and connected this post to you, I'd fire you because you seem very unstable. And if that happened, YOU would be the one responsible for it because you had a choice and you chose to be a weird, psycho stalker to someone who didn't even do anything to you. I wouldn't be shocked if your card is sitting at a police station while reports are being built in case you escalate. It wouldn't be a stretch to think someone who sends revenge cards every year might become violent. It happens all the time. Every new card will just make you seem more and more unstable. And the fact that you can't even see that leads me to believe that the police station actually might be a better choice than the trash can. Stop acting like a nutbag, dude, before you are your own downfall.

[This message edited by Tearsoflove at 4:44 AM, November 29th (Wednesday)]

You have a legal obligation to inform your employer that you may have engaged in commiting an act discreditable and let them decide.

^^^Sound familiar, Analyst?

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 4:48 AM, November 29th (Wednesday)]

Sending that card to the OBS says so much more about you than it does about them.

Absolutely.

And what you are doing is in fact illegal where I'm from. It's called Aggravated Harassment, a misdemeanor. A written communication meant to harass, annoy, or alarm, and serves no other purpose? Yeah. It fits.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 4:56 AM, November 29th (Wednesday)]

2C:33-4. Harassment.

Except as provided in subsection e., a person commits a petty disorderly persons offense if, with purpose to harass another, he:

a.Makes, or causes to be made, a communication or communications anonymously or at extremely inconvenient hours, or in offensively coarse language, or any other manner likely to cause annoyance or alarm;

^^^^^

I would do it as long as it is legal in the state of NJ.

NJ State Penal Code. Sorry to burst your bubble, Analyst.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 5:00 AM, November 29th (Wednesday)]

""what would you do if you get a card like that?""

call the police and have my lawyer file a harassment claim.

Agreed with WhoTheBleep. If the OBS were posting here and told this story, I would advise her to seek legal remedy and possibly an RO. That's not something you want on your record; you've been through enough already.

She's not here though, and you are. So, my advice to you is to put all this behind you and get on with your own life. I know that's easier said than done, but it truly does come down to brain function. Through rumination and unresolved trauma we end up creating new neural networks which become kind of a "default setting" for our thought process. There are various therapies to defeat those new settings, but the long and short of it is that we have to nurture a post-trauma mindset. It's kind of like that old parable about "the wolf you feed".

I'm currently reading a book called Well Designed Life by Kyra Bobinet which would give you some pointers, and of course Bessel Van Der Kolk's The Body Keeps Score is the definitive work on PTSD. Both go into some detail about brain function. I've found that through learning more about how the mind works, I have more solace in going through the healing process.

It has been three years? Please use some of your new higher earnings to take an hour or two off for therapy regularly.