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Last you posted about this Chaos, I felt guilty for how funny I thought it was. I just rewatched the Iron man "exit the donut" clip.

I noticed today that General now has a Stop sign for vents. Thank you for that SI. Well overdue.

JSS1227, I'm trying to mentally prepare for that. Mine is a senior and applying for colleges. His top two or three choices are 1000-1500 miles away. On the plus side, he decided this summer that he needed to learn a bunch of life skills-laundry, cooking, etc.

humantrampoline I que up that one every time I need a good laugh. The fact that Samuel L Jackson says it is a bonus!

In fact...I'm going to que it up right now...

Chaos I am sorry that donuts are ruined for you! I’ve noticed you do have a gift for giving nicknames 😂

Maybe I will look that clip up as well, I could use a laugh today.

Humantrampoline senior year goes by so fast!! My DDay was in December, so that has added to the emotions for me. I feel like I wasn’t able to fully enjoy her last year at home, wasn’t fully emotionally present, had to spend so much time and energy dealing with the fallout of WH’s A....I have a lot of resentment about that.

Ahh thank you for telling me that,

Now on that note I will bow out of this particular convo as DV has been a part of my life for many yrs.

JSS,

I had all 3 of my boys leave pretty close together to start building their family homes, it wasn't a happy time for me, my only consolation is that they are still very close to home.

Finally my daughter moved out this January & I still miss her like I lost a limb , she couldn't stay here while her dad was here...maybe she will move back now...who knows!!!

Chaos,

I would be devastated if doughnuts were erased from my life...I feel for you.

Ah Samuel L Jackson...he's only gotten better with age

Scooby - the topic can be changed quickly. Don't leave us!

And yes - Samuel L. He's a classic. Or - in Samuel L speak a m***** fu*king classic.

Chaos, I don't think scooby meant she was leaving this thread, just not going to discuss DV.

I do use name calling sometimes, but I try to stay away from gender based and misogynistic ones. I initially called the MOW a whore. I still have our text convos on my phone under, "whore." But, I decided not to insult all women by using that term. That's also why I don't use bitch or the other terms.

So, I can see why a CW would get upset about being called a whore. I think it's silly, though. All self-righteous, "OMG! How dare you call me a whore, of all things!"

Have you ever seen or heard the saying, "What other people think of you is none of your business,"? I think that is very applicable here. Unless someone specifically calls you out and calls you a name, let it go. It's none of your business.

Funny that donuts were brought up today. I'm wearing a tank that says, "Fitish = works out but definitely likes donuts." Hehe

And....now I wanna buy WH that shirt

I’m feeling emotional today ladies...my oldest is leaving for college today 😭 I’ve already lost it quite a few times. Eyes are so puffy!! I’m not ready.

JSS, I just dropped my son off at college this past Saturday. I know! I'm so excited for him, though! He has texted me a lot, so that makes it easier. I'm not sad like I thought I might be. I'm just happy that he's getting this experience and proud of him so far! Sad may hit later.

And....now I wanna buy WH that shirt

I still have our text convos on my phone under, "whore."

Coco, MOW in my sitch is also in my phone as “(Her name) the Whore”. I changed WH’s from “Hubby❤️“ to “Cheating Asshole” on DDay. I eventually changed it back to just his name, so the kids wouldn’t see it.

Chaos,

I’m going nowhere..,I’m afraid you’re all stuck with me 🤪 I need you all more than ever now!!

Besides I have thickish skin 😂

Omg I need that T-shirt 😍

Btw I love emojis 😆

JS and Dee - What a change! My oldest just started HS this year and I'm both excited for his future and so sad at the thought that he's going to leave our house in 4 years. I'm just trying to love every stage and enjoy his ridiculousness while I can. Hope yours adjust well and text often!!

HHADL - Great post!

On the whole name calling thing. I've never generalized people. I started calling the OW in my life a whore after I found out the way she acted towards my husband. I'm sorry but going into a married man's bedroom and masturbating while he's saying you need to leave is pretty whore-like. Then apologizing and saying that you liked him and "knew" he'd never make a move (some apology) and then showing up to his hotel room unannounced, having him pull over in a parking lot for a blow job and screwing him in a parking garage - all behavior of a whore. I called her that. I told my husband he was the same. And that he was a lecherous, lying asshole. I don't shy away from calling him the same. In his only defense, he apologized and changed his behavior immediately after DDay. She never did. So I call her that and honestly don't mind if anyone has anger towards the OW/OM. Of course they do. Now if that's the ONLY place their anger is directed then there is an issue, but I don't see anything wrong with it. We are betrayed, we are mad, we are hurting. If it makes us feel a tad better in the moment to call OW a whore on a message board (and not in an email sent company-wide to her co-workers) then I think it's okay. I had her number in my phone as the Ugly Fake Ass Big Nosed Bitch. I was not nice about her. And that was before I knew she fucked my WH. But whore just feels better right now. And her contact and number are blocked along with her OBS so no name publicly except here. My WH hasn't said her name in ages. He just calls her Affair Partner when I bring her up in conversation. I tend to just call her "the person who opened her legs for you".

The DV thing blows my mind. Never acceptable. It doesn't matter what someone does. Verbal and physical abuse are not ok. Ever.

I'm sure I missed something else. I had a crap day yesterday. Went down a rabbit hole and searched through my WH's work emails from the two years prior. Such broken boundaries with the cOW for YEARS. She made comments on GROUP emails about sharing a hotel room with my WH (they hadn't, but he sent an email to another co-worker reply about her and him not needing rooms for an in-town conference and she replied all with a "oh, I don't know how I feel about that, unless we have a pillow boundary"). I mean FFS, they were both married and this was banter with other co-workers? My WH didn't respond, but obviously didn't cut her off. A few months later she sent another group email about how she was always with my WH in his office (she didn't have one at the time) and was wearing his clothes because she was cold! That one was to her boss - and the other EXECUTIVES on their team. I melted down and was sending screenshots. He didn't remember the pillow thing but did say she was always taking a fleece he left on his chair. He apparently threw it away a few weeks after DDay so that she couldn't keep taking it (as she still used his office when he wasn't in it). I'm just so MAD at him. So mad at his shitty shitty boundaries. So mad that he disrespected me and our marriage for so long in front of so many people - many that I had known and been friends with socially for YEARS before she ever came along. I really don't know how I can let that go...is it even possible? The anger at what he did? This neurofeedback shit better be magic!

On the positive side, I had a great lunch with a friend where I was able to enjoy connecting. It's been a struggle to feel "normal" in social situations so that was a win.

Oh, and Chaos, I'm bringing this in from another thread. I love the "I don't look good in orange" line. Made me laugh out loud.

Dee, I hear you. I agree, I could never be with someone who was with a sex worker - or so I say now. I bet if you had asked me if I would stay with someone who mutilated my underwear I would have scoffed in your face, yet here I am after spending 7 years with him 🤷🏽‍♀️(Side note on emojis, why are there no redheads??)

Scooby, yes, I think if you’re dating someone that close to your own daughters age you’ve got some serious issues.

But Dee is right, sad thing is when we ask this stuff, even if they have they will just lie.

My X always made a huge deal talking about how if you have to pay for it then there’s something wrong with you. He works in a company that does a lot of work in Indonesia where sex work is very prevalent, and even common among the business men who travel there, and he always made such a stink about how he was disgusted by people who do that, he would NEVER.

Then after DDay I found at least 6 calls to various escorts that I could verify online, and others to Google Voice numbers. And that was just in the last 6 months, I didn’t bother going back further as I had seen enough. Soooo, I guess never say never.

I also found out in my research that XH has a tell - pretty much any time he is vehemently opposed to something, you can almost guarantee that means he has done it. Soooo in all likelihood he was partaking in the sex workers when he was on all of those business trips

That is how he earned his nickname in my phone: Lying Liar Who Fucking Lies.

Until I had to send an email to our daughters’ dentist to cancel my name as the one on their account and switch him over. I cc’d him, and didn’t remember that the way you’ve saved the contact name is how it shows up to anyone who has never received an email from that person before. 🤦🏽‍♀️

The receptionist who checks the emails is luckily really chill, she and I were very friendly, and she knew the situation because I had called her to ask what to do before memorializing everything in emails. Also she had already made comments about what a good step mom I was, as XH had literally never taken the girls to the dentist, I always did it, so she didn’t like my ex either.

So she called me to let me know that I should probably change his contact haha. Lucky for me, it doesn’t show up to him like that because when he reads his own email it just shows up as To: me.

But now he’s just his initials.

Funny note about having these convos if/when we date.

One of my best friends from college dated total douchebag who would hand out his business cards to everyone. They literally just had his name, his phone number, and the title “party aficionado” under it. He was so obnoxious with these things, would hand them out to people at parties, at bars, he would even leave some on our fridge when he would come over.

What if we get newly single cards - almost like players’ cards with our stats, but just lists off all of this bullshit.

“If you have done any of the following, don’t bother”

Or maybe just a simple, “Triflers Need Not Apply”

[This message edited by HeHadADoubleLife at 6:22 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]

And....now I wanna buy WH that shirt

It's on Amazon. Runs really large.

I don't know why I still have those texts on my phone. I saved them initially to be used as evidence in case I decided to D and/or sue her for alienation of affection. Statute of limitations has run put on the alienation of affection charge. Probably, if I Ded at this point, I couldn't use his cheating as a reason.

I also have the poem he wrote her and her home address in my wallet. I'm pretty sure she has moved. I think she's divorced now and living in an apartment instead of the house she shared with her BH. Again, idk why I keep them.

I'm a little late to the party... Umm, why would anyone have a problem with a BS calling AP/WS whatever they want? IRL, I refer to 18 yo AP as twatsicle, twatmuffin, kinderwhore, among many others. There's not a bad enough name in any language for her IMO. The other EA AP I refer to as flappy titty (thanks to a lovely photo she sent him of all her rolly belly and giant flapping tits) ugh. As for my stbxwh? I changed his name in my phone to Idiot Cheating Fucking Arsehole! just so I remember who I'm talking to when we have to converse about D stuff. I am looking very forward to the day when I can delete his number and rid myself of him for good. But until then - I married it, and fed it, and cared for it, and everything for 9 goddam years and I will call him whatever tf I please.

coco, I still have all the intel I collected on the Unrepentant Whore.

Just read that thread. See what you mean. I couldn’t even comment.

I have had this convo with wh(y). You should of asked for a D. Today he said he cheated because he didn’t think I cared. I suggested that he could of asked me. Hey, do you care if I cheat? He would have got an answer. Fucktard.

Had a not so good night tonight with him. He was commenting on how he didn’t like to take his shirt off in public. He was Ok to get naked with sex workers though. So you can see it spiralled from there.

Sigh.

Anyone ever have flashes of light shoot through their eye?

May need an emergency optometrist appt tomorrow if it keeps up. Fingers crossed it is not a torn retina.

Hi there Tallgirl

Don’t wait until tomorrow. Go now. As you say it can be a sign of a detached retina and anytime wasted could have lasting impact. Since DD I have had a detached retina and optic neuritis. All the advice I have received is with the eyes act quickly. Better that it be a false alarm than lasting damage.

Will be thinking of you.

Up way too early. The family woke me up.

TG, never had that in my eye. If it's a symptom of a torn retina, take care of it asap.

My fch said he thought I didn't care, too. I didn't care about him. I wouldn't care if he cheated. Those are lies they tell themselves to justify what they are doing. They know it's not true. They don't ask because the truth is that they don't care. They just want to have their fun.

I'm thinking you should channel that light through your eye, get yourself a flashy costume and be an Infidelity Anti Hero of sorts by vanquishing all APs with your eye beam lasers - rendering them to a pile of dust. You'll get extra strength in the light beams for saying cute quips like "you've been reduced to a short pile of dust for fucking Mr. Tall"

Umm, why would anyone have a problem with a BS calling AP/WS whatever they want?

It's CWs upset at the idea of being called whores. I can understand that. It's a sexist, misogynistic, derogatory term. But, I also think, "Too fucking bad!"