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General :
How could someone be so stupid..

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 Bingo (original poster member #72835) posted at 10:01 PM on Friday, November 20th, 2020

My 73 year old xwh has moved in with his 31 year old girlfriend and her 4 small children under the age of 9.

Please, please....how can someone be this stupid?

I just can't wrap my head around this.

posts: 156   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2020   ·   location: Florida
id 8611041
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Evertrying ( member #60644) posted at 10:12 PM on Friday, November 20th, 2020

OMG. That's just creepy.

Obviously he's either "Grandpa" or a sugar daddy.

Wrong. Just wrong on so many levels.

BS - 55 on dday
WH - 48 on dday
Dday: 9/1/17
Status: Reconciled

posts: 1253   ·   registered: Sep. 16th, 2017
id 8611043
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Westway ( member #71747) posted at 10:29 PM on Friday, November 20th, 2020

Sugar granddaddy. What an idiot. He's an idiot.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Make sure you hire the meanest shark lawyer you can find and skin him.

Me: 52;

XWW: 50 y.o. serial cheater

Married 22 years, Together 24
2 Daughters: aged 16 and 20
DDay: 9/20/19
Divorced 12/03/20.

posts: 1366   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8611051
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brokenInDenver ( member #71262) posted at 10:31 PM on Friday, November 20th, 2020

What the hell are they going to talk about? What could they possibly have in common? Can you imagine bringing him home to meet the parents? I mean there's a good chance they'd be younger than him.

Wow. They are both stupid.

BS (me) early 50s. WW late 40s. Two step-kids, no children of our own. Still married

posts: 151   ·   registered: Aug. 13th, 2019   ·   location: Colorado
id 8611053
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 Bingo (original poster member #72835) posted at 10:35 PM on Friday, November 20th, 2020

Well, we've been divorced since March of this year so I know I shouldn't be concerned about what he does, but I'm still trying to heal....

This 31 year old was the AP at the time of our divorce, too.

And the thing is....he doesn't like children! Figure that one out.

Maybe it's penance in his mind. God, who knows?

posts: 156   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2020   ·   location: Florida
id 8611055
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DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 10:35 PM on Friday, November 20th, 2020

Ew. Well, I know which one of you had the brains in the marriage.

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

posts: 5083   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2017
id 8611056
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 Bingo (original poster member #72835) posted at 10:38 PM on Friday, November 20th, 2020

And he told me earlier that he was older than her grandfather...so yeah, he's older than her parents.

So fucked up...

posts: 156   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2020   ·   location: Florida
id 8611057
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 Bingo (original poster member #72835) posted at 10:45 PM on Friday, November 20th, 2020

Thanks for letting me vent, guys!

I know we spend way too much headspace on the question "why" or "how" and there aren't any answers that will make us feel better.

I've been better about that...but I didn't think he would actually move in with her, especially since he just bought and renovated a house 3 hours away from our/her original town. And now they're living together in that same original town.

Crazy..

But, thanks for the sounding board.

posts: 156   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2020   ·   location: Florida
id 8611062
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redfish ( member #71426) posted at 10:50 PM on Friday, November 20th, 2020

Ha ha, he can be so stupid because he is using the wrong body part to make decisions. She is probably not that stupid and using him to feed her children. You can either sit back and watch the show but I would turn it off and live your life.

posts: 128   ·   registered: Aug. 28th, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8611064
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crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 11:12 PM on Friday, November 20th, 2020

I cannot believe how crazy this is It's obvious she is using him to pay for her kids, but that's not your problem anymore.

I agree with the poster to turn it off and live your life. There just is no end to the lows a WS will go.

fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024

posts: 9074   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8611071
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Medusara ( new member #75888) posted at 3:07 PM on Saturday, November 21st, 2020

Having dated people much, much older than me (like when I was 25 and dating a great grandfather...) , and having made a habit of getting involved with unavailable people, I could maybe weigh in a little from her side. Does she have attachment problems, by any chance?! Maybe some “daddy issues” there? If so, and he’s abusing that, you are sooo much better off. Otherwise maybe she’s just mercenary, who knows. But I’ve always believed that people who want a real relationship don’t get involved with unavailable people - if she was seeing a married man, she probably didn’t anticipate him moving in with her!!

posts: 6   ·   registered: Nov. 20th, 2020
id 8611163
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maise ( member #69516) posted at 3:29 PM on Saturday, November 21st, 2020

Saw this scenario play out live once. Coworker in his 70’s with a young woman that was my age at the time. I was 25 or so. She took him for EVERYTHING he had and used him as a babysitter. Her intentions in that scenario were clear as day. She’d come into our office asking if we knew places to buy this or that, or to get her hair done or something. She got nice cars from him and all. He couldn’t afford those cars, but he gave her whatever she asked for to the point of having absolutely nothing but debt. She left him by way of telling him a family member was sick so she had to “go out of town”. Eventually communication dwindled and she was gone. Sad part was the office said this wasn’t the first young woman he got involved with this way. Whatever it was he was so desperate for must have been worth anything to him...

I’m so sorry you’re having to work through the emotional fall out from such absolutely ridiculous choices.

BW (SSM) D-Day: 6/9/2018 Status: Divorced

"Our task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."

— Rumi

posts: 978   ·   registered: Jan. 22nd, 2019   ·   location: Houston
id 8611166
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Gumdropped ( member #40798) posted at 5:49 PM on Saturday, November 21st, 2020

This begs a huge bowl of popcorn and a comfy chair to watch this implode........

Me: 63 Him 67 finally kicked him out Dec 2021

posts: 786   ·   registered: Sep. 26th, 2013   ·   location: Canada
id 8611189
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 6:13 PM on Saturday, November 21st, 2020

It’s hard to watch people make OBVIOUS mistakes but you just have to accept it.

A few observations:

He’s in love and their “love” is different.

It’s not like he’s living in reality - he’s built a fantasy for himself regarding this relationship.

He believes she truly loves him. Maybe she does. But then again maybe she doesn’t.

He doesn’t know how to be smart and protect himself. Financially or legally. Is she now the beneficiary of his will? Not that he would have anything left to leave her b/c he’s spending so much now on her but you have to wonder.

After my grandmother was widowed a second time she had a gentleman friend for a year or so. He kept pestering her to get married but she kept putting him off. She told us she felt he only marrying her for her money and shine he was good to her and treated her well, she didn’t feel the same about him. And she was in her 70s lol. She wasn’t stupid that’s for sure.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 14748   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8611194
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Happenedtome2 ( member #68906) posted at 6:47 PM on Saturday, November 21st, 2020

I had to read that a couple of times to make sure I was seeing it right..... Say hello to "new grandpa". Hopefully your name isn't attached to the crap he's gonna lose when she splits....

BH DDay August 2018 :https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=633451

posts: 510   ·   registered: Nov. 23rd, 2018
id 8611203
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 Bingo (original poster member #72835) posted at 11:24 PM on Saturday, November 21st, 2020

Happentome...nope, I already have half of everything from the divorce so there's that...

When I found out about this "friend", I read all these texts where they were both pretending to be these characters from the "Lord of the Rings"...if that tells you anything!

And the fantasy is continuing....guess Sam and Rosie are gonna get married, live in Middle Earth, and have 13 children ....well, minus the 4 she already has!

posts: 156   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2020   ·   location: Florida
id 8611235
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Phantasmagoria ( member #49567) posted at 3:11 AM on Sunday, November 22nd, 2020

Poor kids! What pitiful frames of reference to learn from.

posts: 474   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2015
id 8611257
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OwningItNow ( member #52288) posted at 4:25 AM on Sunday, November 22nd, 2020

What do the other people in his life think about this--children, family, friends? Have they supported him or bailed?

me: BS/WS h: WS/BS

Reject the rejector. Do not reject yourself.

posts: 5910   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2016   ·   location: Midwest
id 8611262
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Countingsheep65 ( member #56000) posted at 5:51 AM on Sunday, November 22nd, 2020

Yeah Bingo, don’t even try to understand it.

That’s gross.

He’s all in the goodie basket and she’s using him for his money and probably to babysit. It won’t last.

Just be glad your not with him.

posts: 452   ·   registered: Nov. 11th, 2016
id 8611273
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 Bingo (original poster member #72835) posted at 5:26 PM on Sunday, November 22nd, 2020

OwningItNow:

I don't know what the other people in his life think about it. I do think he's been lying to everyone...his self image is so important to him. I can't imagine that he's telling people the truth!

Back in January, he was looking for a house for all of them. When I asked him how he could be so stupid, he said he was just planning to find a place way out in the country and never come out in public.

What a life....

posts: 156   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2020   ·   location: Florida
id 8611341
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