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I donít know where to put this.

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scrambledbrain posted 11/18/2020 12:18 PM

Hiking:

I am just a frequent observer and occasional commenter here. Yes, I have my own story, which I hope to tell soon.

But no one on this site can fail to be amazed by the work you have done, the contributions you have made, and most all, by your eloquent authenticity.

This was all put to the test when Turn the Page decided to Turn the Tables. And I have found, through your words, that you are going through this with an extraordinary amount of self-honesty and good faith.

I don't know if. this helps you or not; it's just a brief comment from an old sinner. But I think what you have inside you will enable you to do anything you wish, and take you to the places you want to go.

I reckon that's about it.

sb

MrsWalloped posted 11/18/2020 18:31 PM

Sometimes I have more to say, and other times I am really at a loss of what I would even want to say. Right now I am in the latter part of that pattern.

Thereís no need to say anything. Just know that there are people out there thinking of you and wishing you the best.

thatbpguy posted 11/19/2020 18:12 PM

Thereís no need to say anything. Just know that there are people out there thinking of you and wishing you the best.

This.

I have stopped posting anything out of respect. You've been such a help to so many and now this breaks my heart for you.

Stay strong.

UnstuffedGiraffe posted 11/19/2020 19:00 PM

Maybe because I am mad, and I don't really care what he gets out of it.

As a BS I experienced this, especially early on. HB was a stress reliever for me, it cleared my mind. I think it confused him.

brokenInDenver posted 12/9/2020 14:19 PM

How are you doing hiking... you haven't updated in some time.

hikingout posted 12/9/2020 16:22 PM

Hi Brokenindenver,

I have been staying away from SI some trying to get my bearings. And, I am privately journaling more because I don't know if he reads here. He says he does not, but I know I would have had a hard time honoring that early on. Heck, I would have a hard time honoring that now. I have mostly been just responding to other's posts and catching up now and again, so I haven't been on as much.

We are almost 2 months out. We are both in IC right now. He has been doing what I would want to see, AP has stayed out of the picture, etc. I am up and down, but I am trying to just continue to work on myself and continue to get through the things I need to in order to be ready to sell the house (it was already planned before finding out about his affair. Also for some reason purging and organizing is kind of meditative for me)

We may still leave on the RV to travel indefinitely later this year and if not then we were going to downsize anyway. If we downsize we may move to one of our rentals because I don't want to purchase a new home with things shaky like they are. But, the house is too big, requires too much work to maintain and keep clean. I am ready for a simpler life. So, I am focusing on that a lot right now.

It's still possible we may be getting two separate addresses, but at this point I don't think that's what I want. But, I have asked him to be (and I am trying to be) open to any option. I am really uncertain he knows what he wants or needs, he needs to give himself freedom to really evaluate that. We both need a lot of room right now. We are talking, back to sleeping in the same bed, and things are mostly calm. Everything just feels unsettled. I used to plan for the future and right now I am just taking each day as it comes. I think that is good but it is also eerie and weird.

There really hasn't been anything big to tell anyone about. IC is helping me, and I joined a support group through meet up so I don't feel as isolated.

Neanderthal posted 12/9/2020 17:47 PM

I don't know if he reads here. He says he does not, but I know I would have had a hard time honoring that early on. Heck, I would have a hard time honoring that now
I certainly understand that. I wasn't particularly good at staying out of LD's threads here. It was like a window into her mind and soul. Really really difficult to stay away. So I'd venture to guess he is reading.


There really hasn't been anything big to tell anyone about.
I would disagree. You're only two months out! This update shows a level of clarity and purpose most betrayed spouses could only dream of. I don't care if you do have a PhD in infidelity. Your response to such an awful trauma is a testament to the work you've accomplished.

hikingout posted 12/10/2020 07:56 AM

I would disagree. You're only two months out! This update shows a level of clarity and purpose most betrayed spouses could only dream of. I don't care if you do have a PhD in infidelity. Your response to such an awful trauma is a testament to the work you've accomplished.

I appreciate that N. What I meant though is there haven't been really any big events like broken contact or new discoveries.

I have up and down days, and it's easier to sound logical when you are writing things out. Overall though, I think it's really kind of a waiting game at this point for me. At least that's how I see it. I am not saying I don't have a lot of emotional melt downs, I do - but generally speaking this process is very slow and I am just kind of watching and waiting to see how it unfolds. That's what I mean by going day by day. I think if I learned anything from my experience is that this is a long process, and change is very slow. As long as I see progress and effort, then I guess I feel a bit more reassured even if I am weary and not really knowing what I believe about all of it yet.

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