1 comment posted: Friday, March 26th, 2021
1 comment posted: Tuesday, December 29th, 2020
I’ve started typing this dozens of times only to delete it over and over. But one of the things I’m still working on is being ok with being open. There aren’t many FWS that stick around if reconcilation fails, so maybe it will help someone to see what that looks like.
I’m still in IC. Addressing my codependent tendencies and the lingering effects of abuse is an ongoing process. I’ve stopped apologizing when I accidentally bump into an inanimate object, I don’t participate in behaviors that cause resentment to build in me. So much of what led to my waywardness was not expressing myself, clamming up, smoothing things over. Which must seem ironic to my fellow SIers. In a lot of ways my continuing to come here is me working through those resentments in my head.
My kids are both with me during the school week now. Post divorce my daughter lived with me and my teenaged son stayed with his dad. Ex couldn’t handle quarantine and school issues. They’re both doing really well here. A lot of the tools I’ve picked up in IC have helped my communication with them, and their communication with each other.
Most importantly, I got married. Yes, he knows everything about my past. He’s gone to my therapist with me a couple times when things were overwhelming. My daughter adores him and he is growing on my son. He is absolutely the kindest person I’ve ever met. He just radiates goodness. The kids and I are beyond blessed to have him in our lives.
Ex is... himself.
18 comments posted: Wednesday, October 14th, 2020
Getting rid of my Scarlet Letter
One of XH’s post-A requirements was that I got a tattoo of his name. I was never a tattoo person and never had ANY interest in getting them before that or after this one, but I submitted. It is rather large and would be hard to ignore in intimate situations, but not difficult to hide publicly It is not something I would recommend to any WS, because while it is an outward sign of showing your commitment to reconciling it is also a constant visual reminder for both parties and in my particular case was more a punitive, shaming measure than a healing one.
Now post divorce, still healing and trying to improve myself as a person, I’m in a place where I feel that if I’m going to have a tattoo it should be something I feel positive about rather than a Scarlet Letter that I’m dragging into my new life with me.
This isn’t something I can discuss IRL because my loved ones cannot understand that I do still have mixed feelings about whether I deserve to be rid of it, and that I still struggle with feelings of sadness and failure even though law enforcement, legal professions and mental health professionals all agree that it was and continues to be abusive.
11 comments posted: Thursday, February 6th, 2020