I'm not sure how to write this simply but am looking for advice.
Simplified Question: I am the WS and the OM's Wife is emailing/calling both me and my BS. They are threatening, harassing & slanderous, with my BS, my work, my family, my volunteer work, etc. How do I get her to stop? It's not healthy for any party involved and I need to have a career.
Back Story for the question, not the affair:
We have had 3 D-Day's due to me trickle truth-ing. It is finally all out. Since the first D-Day the OM's wife has been contacting me via e-mail and phone. Very mad - asking for details - how could I do this, etc. All emails I expect to get from the wife of my affair partner. I understand she hates me and wants me to rot in hell.
The 2nd D-Day was at the end of August where I admitted the affair to my BS. I admitted details, stopped compartmentalizing and we saw a Marriage Counselor. We were doing much better. I took accountability and wrapped the affair to a 2 year time period over 4 years ago. My BS & I were starting to be happy again and reconnected which was amazing. It got to be our only triggers were when we received e-mails from the OM's wife.
Not only were they vulgar, they were psycho, mean and threatening to my professional career, haunting me that she would follow me to make sure I never did this every again to anyone. She contacted my place of work leaving emails and voicemails about me being a prostitute, sleeping my way to the top emails to a board of directors I am actively on. Threatened to write emails and mail letters to my family of which she researched their names and gave me details. She created a poster "for a good time - call" asking how many I would like printed. She e-mailed my BS asking if he knew more details, that they should combine their stories for truth and to leave me. I've since taken down my social media profiles, tried to make everything private, etc. I was even worried to sign up here. I mean she contacted me through the LetGo app.
As my BS & I started to move forward, our counselor recommended that he email the OM's wife to ask her to stop and we will not be responding. It was quiet for awhile. I switched jobs.
A few months later, the OM's wife tracked me down at my new job and started leaving voicemails and actually got ahold of me one day in the middle of a work day. I had no choice but to talk to her. She blamed me, asked me questions, etc. At the end of the conversation, I said this is our last conversation. She has been e-mailing updates about info the OM is admitting to. She actually tracked down my BS's work email and contacted him through that along with my work email. BS & I are trying to ignore them but scared where she might pop up next.
As part of my process of us healing, her last e-mail had some details about an extended affair. D-Day 3, It's karma that she is haunting me so I came clean with the rest of the affair. BS & I are roommates not but trying to work through things.
Whether BS & I stay together or not -
1) I don't think it's OM's wife's concern.
2) I still need to have a career and I can't have her harassing me with threatening / slandering emails, calls, posters, contact, etc.
What do you recommend my course of action be? I know she is mad at me, I understand that. I don't think that gives her the right to follow me and reach out to my friends, family, work, etc. I also would like her to leave my BS alone so he can heal. BS is also supportive that the OM's wife needs to go away.
[This message edited by TroubleNConfused at 10:07 AM, May 4th (Monday)]