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Betrayed Womenz Thread

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Chaos posted 9/29/2019 16:19 PM


Just popping in for a quickie [see what I did there LOL]

Welcome maise!

HHADL - bad ass beautiful ring you have.

Cactus now added to all welcome baskets.

All Hail Rashawnda.

And FUCK - tomorrow is Monday. FUCK Monday's.

cocoplus5nuts posted 9/29/2019 17:51 PM

HHADL, I'm sorry I don't have any tips. I don't pay attention to whether or not my stitches are even. I just figure I'll block it when it's done and it will all work out.

Oh, keeping constant tension is the thing, right? 🤷‍♀️

Dasoy, sometimes you have to pass. That's ok. I'm sorry for what is happening to your daughter. Is it people she knows irl? If it's kids at school, I wonder of you could report them. I think cyber bullying prevention is a big thing right now. If it's people in a game or social media, I know they can be reported. Shoot, you can report them to the game or SM moderators even if she does know them irl.

EllieKMAS posted 9/29/2019 18:15 PM

Ooooh pretty sparkly HHADL!! I hear ya. I still have a ring 'scar' on that finger that I am waiting for it to fade. And I have done the thumb rub too. Most days it doesn't make me sad it just pisses me off.

TG...

HB I agree with the majority. Keeping busy is good.

Had bday celebration for my sis and her BF today. I woke up later than intended and had to make guacamole for the get-together so jumped right out of bed and started that. Broke two nails (dammit dammit fuck shit motherfucker fark, sorry Coco's FCH ), so had to file them and now have to repaint. OPI Turn on the Northern Lights is the color for this week, if anyone was interested.

Hope everyone had nice Sundays and yeah Chaos - FUCK mondays - I don't wanna. *throws self on floor like toddler

TX1995 posted 9/29/2019 20:03 PM

Hi y'all! I'm woefully behind so let me see if I can catch up quickly...

TG - WTF! That is too long without a fridge. I'm sorry and hope it gets resolved faster.

Coco - I think I need that pillow!

HHADL - Can I just say that I absolutely LOVE that you have such a great bond with your daughters! What an amazing presence they have in their lives with you in it!

Daisy - Oh, girl, teenage bullying and internet crap is THE WORST! My daughter went through it last year in the 5th grade. We have removed any idea of social media from her life and she is honestly much more light this year. Being a middle school girl is hard enough without the internet. :( Big prayers sent to your girl and her momma. This is hard.

Maise - Welcome! Dicks can be chicks too. Glad you are here.

The husband is back. He was very energized when I picked him up at the airport. I think it was a great break for him. We had a good talk and then we both had a breakdown the next morning. I think his was residual processing about his FOO shit from his intensive and me just having him home. He held my hand (I don't let him do that anymore) and I cried like a baby for a good 20 minutes. Extremely emotional yesterday and then we did it again last night. I think he was glad to get away tonight with our kids for youth stuff at church. I'm still not sure what to feel about him. Where I can trust him. How stupid that would be to try. But I am glad he is home. (Though oddly the kids and I were in a great groove and when he came home the oldest started being more difficult.)

I am sorry tomorrow is FUCKING MONDAY! I wish it wasn't. This weekend went by WAYYYYYY too quickly.

I am sorry to whoever I missed!

DaisyAnne posted 9/30/2019 06:36 AM

TK- I am glad he is back home and it was a great break for him. I totally understand the emotional part, obviously. I was like that Friday. I was good all week and then just had a breakdown. This rollercoaster of emotions is really hard. And I've always hated rollercoasters! I think the only thing we can really do is just take it one day at a time. (((HUGS)))

I'm sorry for what is happening to your daughter. Is it people she knows irl? If it's kids at school, I wonder of you could report them. I think cyber bullying prevention is a big thing right now.

Yes, it's a boy at her school. I said "cyber bullying" because that is how it started but over the weekend I found out it got much worse.

She’s very popular, especially with the boys. She has a lot of friends that are boys, they end up liking her more than friends and she gently lets them know she only wants to be friends. Then they turn on her and don’t want to be friends. Or she “goes out” with a boy and then tells him a few months later she just wants to be friends. I’ve told her to stop calling them “boyfriends” because all she does with her “boyfriends” is text or FaceTime, like all her friends anyway. She never has actually gone out on a date. Also, boys that are good friends with each other then get jealous when one of them is talking more to her

One boy, who she used to be really good friends with and "dated", is really causing problems. He is now calling her names and is starting to harass her at school the past few weeks. He aggressively bumps into her, grabs her butt, calls her names and say he hates her. All this drama is really affecting her. She says she cries every night for the past few weeks.

My daughter is a cheerleader. He was at the football game Saturday night with friends. In front of her whole cheer squad, he called her a hoe and told her to kill herself!!! Our cheer coach heard him, yelled at him and told him to leave. We got there a few minutes after this. My husband was, of course, livid. He ran and found the punk in the stands and lost his cool a little bit. He threatened him to never fucking speak to her again or he will regret it.

We don't have school today, but tomorrow she is going to the guidance counselor to report this boy. I am going to make sure that his parents are called as well.

Daisy - Oh, girl, teenage bullying and internet crap is THE WORST! My daughter went through it last year in the 5th grade. We have removed any idea of social media from her life and she is honestly much more light this year. Being a middle school girl is hard enough without the internet. :( Big prayers sent to your girl and her momma. This is hard.

Ugh! It is so hard for our kids. We took away Snapchat and all social media. I do think that will help a great deal. I wasn't thrilled with Snapchat but I gave in with some rules. I have her account on my phone but obviously that didn't make a difference. My husband wants to take away her phone altogether but I know communicating with her true friends is important to her. We are limiting even more that we did before the amount of time she can be on her phone.


Thanks for the support! And although I am sorry it is fucking Monday for you guys, I am off from work (no school) so yay for me! But that will make fucking Tuesday even harder for me! lol


cocoplus5nuts posted 9/30/2019 07:14 AM

tomorrow she is going to the guidance counselor to report this boy. I am going to make sure that his parents are called as well.


Good! That is sexual assault! Might consider going to the police. I'm loathe to get a teen in trouble with the police, but this kid might be dangerous.

My son was sexually assaulted in middle school. He didn't tell me about until just a few months ago. It's been 2 years and we have since moved very far away from that school, so nothing I can do now. I'll tell you what, though. If he had told me when it happened, I would've been at that school so fast they wouldn't know what hit them!

I was harrassed from 5th grade through 9th grade. Had all kinds of rumours spread about me by jealous people. Nobody did anything about that stuff back then.

cocoplus5nuts posted 9/30/2019 07:16 AM

We took away Snapchat and all social media. I do think that will help a great deal. I wasn't thrilled with Snapchat but I gave in with some rules. I have her account on my phone but obviously that didn't make a difference. My husband wants to take away her phone


It's not fair that she get "punished " for someone else's bad behavior. Maybe finding ways to empower her more rather than limiting her access to things would be a better, long lasting solution.

DaisyAnne posted 9/30/2019 07:34 AM

Good! That is sexual assault! Might consider going to the police. I'm loathe to get a teen in trouble with the police, but this kid might be dangerous.

She just told us about the butt grabs this weekend,otherwise I would have been in contact with the school immediately. She wants to be the one to tell her guidance counselor (along with a friend for support). I am so proud of her for that and support her. I will follow up with her counselor. She also does feel bad about getting him in trouble, but I told her that he did this and needs to deal with the repercussions. He knows that we know what he did so he won't even know that she is the one who told on him. I will happily take all the blame.

It is scary to think what he might do as he gets older if he is doing this now at 13 years old! Hopefully with my husband's threats and him getting reported will scare him and stop him from doing this again.


It's not fair that she get "punished " for someone else's bad behavior. Maybe finding ways to empower her more rather than limiting her access to things would be a better, long lasting solution.

I agree and that is why I will not take away her phone. I do think that she doesn't need social media right now, for her mental state. That can only do her harm. We agreed to take a break from Snapchat and then when we feel she's ready, she will start a new account with just her real friends. Honestly, we can all probably do without social media.

[This message edited by DaisyAnne at 7:35 AM, September 30th (Monday)]

BigBlueEyes posted 9/30/2019 10:44 AM

Hugs to all of you that suffered this weekend...I truly hope you have better days to come,

Daisy, I dont envy you, this internet stuff is a mine field for most adults let alone our little gems, I had plenty of headaches trying to cope with my kids back 15 yrs ago navigating through all the crap that came with FB etc, let alone now with Insta, twitter, & snapchat.
Far to many bullies on social media now, to many wanna be cyber warriors
Hope you get the support from school for your DD.

My Boys & their partners actually have joint accounts so no secrets & no surprises, I definitely think thats got a hell of a lot to do with their dad & his antics, as long as it works for them I'm happy.
Until I get a better phone I have none of it, surprisingly I am actually ok with out it tbh.


I fucking hate Mondays tooooo

teacherjoggergal posted 9/30/2019 14:14 PM

Nice ring hehadadoublelife. What does the C stand for?

HeHadADoubleLife posted 9/30/2019 14:27 PM

Thanks for all the compliments on the ring ladies!

I have more to expound on re: the bullying, but that’ll have to wait til later when I have more time :)

Teacher, I honestly didn’t even notice it was a C... the listing called it a crescent moon ring so I think my mind just went there and I didn’t think about it. So I was thinking of it more as a new moon. BUT my first name begins with C, and my two daughters also begin with C, so that’s actually serendipitous! We used to call ourselves Triple C, and we joked about starting a band with that name. When we took our engagement photos we actually got a few really cool shots of the three of us and we always said those would be our album covers. Thanks for pointing out that it looks like a C, just adds another layer of meaning to it for me!

maise posted 9/30/2019 17:13 PM

Hey ladies!

Caught up on the thread, it had me laughing, and aww'ing and empathizing, and nodding my head, and gasping....ALL the feels!

HHADL: Love the ring and this "I will never betray myself the way he did. This ring is a reminder of that." Beautiful.

Ellie:"Broke two nails (dammit dammit fuck shit motherfucker fark..." sorry about the nails but the reaction had me!

Thank you all for the welcomes. I'm so glad to have been told about this little corner.

DaisyAnne: Omgosh I am so sorry your daughter is having to deal with a kid like that! How horrible! I am glad you and your husband were there to say something to him and help her in this. I actually removed my two from social media also, my daughter was being greatly effected. Bullying can get so scary. I know this isn't right but I have totally lost my shit on a kid bullying my son right in front of me. The fucking nerve. I was like well...if this kid's parent's come for me after that then I'm ready. It's crap. I never realized how much I was going to have to be dealing with parents due to them not handling their kids behaviors. Scary to think of what all those kids will be like in society as adults!

I'm so sorry for all of you that triggered over the weekend. ((hugs))

My weekend was a tuffy. Lots of triggers beginning Friday that sort of lingered and hung around until Sunday...bleh. I went back to my boxing class again today that's always fun! I missed last week bc I was sick, so returning today was pretty challenging! I felt like I was going to pass out. Likely from having to get back in gear after missing and the lingering congestion from being sick. I notice when I feel like I can't breathe it triggers a sort of anxiety for me. Hopefully Wednesday and Friday will be better.

Aside from this I'm trying to get back in gear! Taking 5 classes this semester which really does take its toll so I'll be working on some of the course work off and on.

Decorated for Halloween too! My daughter's bday is the day before Halloween so she always gets super stoked for it! She loves Halloween. We all dress up. Wanted to coordinate the costumes and do The Addam's Family, but the stinky kids declined, darn!

I hope you all's Monday is going great!

Speaking of, what do you guys say in place of: "you all? or y'all??" I always wondered...I know up in PA my friend's fam would say: "youones" like...all one word. That sounded so strange to me lol probably as strange as y'all did to them!

***Drafted this early this morning, took me a while to be able to post it due to error, but hopefully it still applies. Haven't read any recent updates!***

EllieKMAS posted 9/30/2019 18:11 PM

Daisy I am so sorry for what your daughter is going through. I was the fat kid and got picked on a lot. Makes me really glad I grew up before social media was a thing. You should be proud of her for telling the guidance counselor herself - that is awesome!

Welp I had a Monday all day long. Woke up late, our computers were being stupid all day, coworkers makin my eye twitch.... Very glad to be home with my puppies!

I think I must have had dreams last night about the x. Been kinda bouncing between down and irritated all day.

BBE how you doin honey?

Tallgirl posted 9/30/2019 19:52 PM

DaisyAnne,

I am sorry that your daughter is going through this. Kids are such assholes. I am disgusted/ mortified/saddened/angered simply hearing this story, if that was my son, he would be apologizing and ruing the day he acted like an asshole.

I was never picked on by boys mostly because I was taller than all of them. Girls were worse. My husband has been the only male that treated me like garbage.

I am so very sorry, this must be torture. I am glad that your daughter was able to share this with you. She's a strong girl like mom.

---

A few of you may know, I have trigeminal neuralgia which surfaces in my mouth, it's like electrical agony in my teeth on the right side of my face. It started after I found out I was married to a master cheater. I now know it is magnified 1000 fold by stress. I have been in agony tonight, had to stop talking to my WH.

I was talking to my husband on the phone about my oldest son who is struggling- he lives far away from home. Breaks my heart. I love this kid dearly, unfortunately he is his own worst enemy.I believe that he is depressed, but he will NOT listen to any talk of it. He tends to get angry with me often for very little. I don't know what to do, I feel like I am at my wits end. My kid is super smart and more stubborn than me and that is saying something. Anyways, he is unhappy, won't admit it and is struggling at his new job. He is bored, disengaged and its' been like 4 months. The kid is a 5 hour flight away, lonely, not a lot friends, and will not accept help.

Anyways, I am telling WH about this and my mouth starts lighting up. I had to stop talking.

So after this convo (had to take many breaks), I ask him what he thought about on the weekend - we didn't connect. So he talks about work. (more frustrating conversation). I cycle back because I wanted to know if he was missing HER. He knew what I meant when I asked the first time, got angry and most snarky when I asked again, "if you are asking me if I was thinking about her.... (snarky asshole attitude crap)". I then ask, wtf, why are you so angry. ….He's tired of being asked.... My mouth starts firing of electric bolts of pain.

I told him I am allowed to ask for as long as it takes, you fucked her for 5 years. Dick wad.

The sad thing, I was missing him. I feel like an idiot now. I needed reassurance, I got asshole. *I should not be surprised.

It isn't just a roller coaster, it is one of these spinning things for kids in the park plus a rollercoaster, go round and round and going nowhere, and then you feel like shit.

FUCKING Monday. Fucking infidelity.


Fridge is not coming until Wednesday … yep 2 weeks fridgeless. They are reimbursing me $60 now. Nice...

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 7:56 PM, September 30th (Monday)]

cocoplus5nuts posted 9/30/2019 21:17 PM

TG, I'm sorry your CH reacted that way.

Daisy, a 13yo boy is doing that?! Wow! If one of my boys acted like that, I'd lose it. Makes me wonder what that boy sees and hears at home. I haven't really had to do much to teach my boys to not be assholes. We simply treat everyone with respect. They do what they see.

My 15yo was talking to me a few weeks ago about how he had no idea how much teenage girls get harrassed. Some friends had told him what happened to them over the weekend. It's so creepy! I remember being harrassed liked that. Makes me so angry!

DaisyAnne posted 10/1/2019 07:21 AM

You should be proud of her for telling the guidance counselor herself - that is awesome!

Yes, I am so proud of her for wanting to do it herself. She is nervous about it, and I told her I can report it for her, but as of right now she is choosing to do it.

Scary to think of what all those kids will be like in society as adults!

Very scary!! I am hoping that by reporting this boy, he will learn a lesson and never hurt another girl (or person) again.


I am disgusted/ mortified/saddened/angered simply hearing this story, if that was my son, he would be apologizing and ruing the day he acted like an asshole.

I would feel the same too! I have no idea what the parents are like so I won't judge them, yet.


Daisy, a 13yo boy is doing that?! Wow! If one of my boys acted like that, I'd lose it. Makes me wonder what that boy sees and hears at home. I haven't really had to do much to teach my boys to not be assholes. We simply treat everyone with respect. They do what they see
.

yes, 13! So scary and sad. I agree with you, usually this behavior comes from behavior seen at home. :(


Maise, triggers are the worst. :( I had to think about it, but I think I usually just say "you guys".

TG, so sorry about his reaction and your pain, emotional and physical. And your son...
that is so hard feeling so helpless. ((hugs))


TX1995 posted 10/1/2019 09:15 AM

Daisy - I hope the meeting with the counselor goes well for your daughter. Good for her for standing up for herself. No kid should be touching another kid - period!

HHADL - I forgot to tell you that I love the ring too. Great idea. I took my wedding rings off after DDay1 and have not put them back on. Instead I bought myself, with money of my own, a simple set of three bands. They mean that I'm choosing to be in this marriage, but have no association with my WH. I'm still pondering what to do with my other rings. There are lots of diamonds and I am wondering if I should just have all three melted down into something new OR sell them. My WH's cousin (whose WH left her for his AP)had her big old diamond put into a new ring that had her daughter's initials on it. It's pretty cool. She wears it on her right hand. (Speaking of karma stories, her WH married his AP and then died of cancer (that he had gotten and gone through remission for when still with WH's cousin). Sad for her daughters, but he definitely did not enjoy his life with his AP - though she got his $.)

TallGirl - Ugh. I'm sorry about that whole story. Sorry you feel stuck in how to help your son. Sorry your WH is such a stupid fucker and sorry that your fridge still isn't here! $60 does not cover that shit!! I hope today is a better day.

Coco - I agree, the stuff kids will say to each other and how the girls are treated (and don't say no to) is crazy. They see so much in the media and get so little reinforcement of healthy relationships. Even if their parents are great, the time spent with school, friends, and social media is SO much more than time spent with their great parents.

I decided to try something new with WH. Since it's a new month, we are going to:
- have a daily prayer
- stop using our phones before bed (with the exception of me listening to an audiobook while I sleep)
- start work on a book or project together
- write down 3 things we are grateful for - and communicate at least one thing that we are grateful for about each other
- try some kind of touch - he asked for walks while holding hands twice a week, I said I would try holding hands for a few minutes in bed and see where that goes. It's very triggery for me to touch him and I don't want to commit to anything
- we are also going to write a list of all of the triggers we can think of and find ways to attack them or work through them
- last but not least we are going to start going through the many many questions I have (fishbowl ala Not Just Friends - I write questions on little pieces of paper and throw them in a drawer. With the new revelation I have lots of questions that are the same bc I don't know if he lied or told me the truth in the past 2 years)

I am hoping that by doing something, I can get a little bit more unstuck. As for me, I called two therapists recommended for partner betrayal and one had a waiting list, the other won't take insurance and wanted to basically interview ME and see if she'd take me on. Um, no thanks. You work for me, not the other way around at $150/50 minutes. So I'm going to reach out for more recs.

Also, I had a win. I drank too much wine the other night. (Almost a whole bottle, it was NOT a good idea) I filled out the shesahomewrecker form - all the way down to uploading a photo of cOWhore. I just needed to press submit. But I stopped myself.

Question: WH and I were discussing the Demi Moore book and how Ashton Kutcher is not happy about it. (In it she discusses the threesomes, etc.) WH said it's not nice of her to reveal his secrets. I say it's her right. Is it nice, no. But it's not illegal unless it's lies. And I very much imagine that he has not sued her bc it is all TRUE and can't be litigated for libel. Would you feel you had a right to tell your story that publicly even if it made someone else look bad? Is it petty? I told him that if I ever chose to write a book about my story, his would be told too. And if I was still married to him, he'd obviously be a consideration, but if I wasn't and we were not on good terms? All is fair in love and war.

Tallgirl posted 10/1/2019 09:50 AM

HHADL - I too LOVE your ring. We have to love ourselves first and you are doing that!!!

Sparkly ring, sparkly boots :)

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 9:51 AM, October 1st (Tuesday)]

heartbroken83 posted 10/1/2019 11:23 AM

TX: love the idea of starting something new with your husband for the new month. I might try something along those lines too.

To answer your question, I would say as long as it is true it is fair game. If your doing something you don't want the world to know about, then you probably shouldn't be doing it.

I started taking Paxil, prescribed by my PCP last Thursday but I am having crazy side effects. I am exhausted all day, can't stop yawning, headaches, lightheadedness. I reported it to my doctor and she doesn't want to prescribe anything different. She referred me to med management but they can't see me until November 25th. Not sure what to do at this point, I may try splitting the pills in half and see if that helps. Anyone have any experience with this?

Chaos posted 10/1/2019 12:26 PM

Popped in with a quick update from the Land of Chaos...

* Tomorrow WH and I will be married 20 years

* Fuck Tuesday

* Rescued a kitten ~3 weeks old. Bottles, stimulation, oh my.

* Fuck Tuesday

* Coffee, sparkles and chocolate

* We Love Rashawnda

* Welcome to any newbiez that I haven't mentioned yet.

* FUCK

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