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Condoms and infidelity

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sleepylove posted 6/11/2019 22:20 PM

My WW says they used condoms on all 3 (so Iím told) of their sessions. Is that supposed to make me feel better?
They had to stop the heat of passion so he could grab a packet, tear it open, unroll the piece over his penis before sticking it in my wife. There is a pause there that she could say to herself ďWTF am I doing, this man is unfurling this thing so he can screw me without consequence. Yet Iíll wait and let it happenĒ.
So screwed up ( no pun intended).
She had that momentary pause to say ďthis isnít rightĒ. But she just let it go and let him do what he had to.
Itís so disgusting.

RocketRaccoon posted 6/11/2019 22:38 PM

That is exactly why it is so improbable that they actually used condoms....

OwningItNow posted 6/11/2019 23:40 PM

In my mind, Sleepylove, this is exactly why a BS should move away fron their WS and into a separation right away--because the WS needs to earn them back. It doesn't usually happen this way. Instead, a BS does not want to divorce and change their life, so they do the mental gymnastics all day every day to try to get 2 + 2 to equal 3. It's impossible. That's why your thinking is so painful--because it's correct.

SisterMilkshake posted 6/12/2019 00:54 AM

Ugh! This is one of the things that piss me off the most in our sitch.

I understand your point is that your WW had time to change her mind, but went ahead anyways.

My angst about this is that my FWH DIDN"T use condoms. He tried to tell me at first he did. But, finally, when I found SI and they told me that was most likely a lie, I confronted him about it. He said, I believe, they used one the first time but after that he didn't. IDK. I guess he figured at that point he had crossed so many boundaries, what the fuck is one more.

He endangered my health. I already have many health issues. Fuck! When he started the LTA with OW I was battling cancer. Grrrrr! We are reconciled but I can get so upset about this particular detail.

I am so sorry, sleepylove. It is all so disgusting, I agree.

Angelvictorious posted 6/12/2019 01:28 AM

Sleepylove I have to admit that when my ws said he used protection when cheating with mow I did feel better. He showed me a box. I felt if nothing else he had considered the safety of my heath.
After a few months my gut said my ws was lying I donít know why because he was very convincing that he had. I pushed until the truth came out. He said he had intentions to use them but they never did. Never., she couldnít get pregnant and she was married and well, he knew her years ago, all that must mean sheís safe and clean right? And the biggest shocker, he trusted what she told him! I get furious just thinking about it!
My point? I believe that cheaters rarely if ever use protection. I hope for you that your wife is telling the truth but be ready to find out it was once or never.
And so disgusting is an understatement.

littleAvocet posted 6/12/2019 01:47 AM

Itís all horrible. But I wish my fwh had used a condom. Dreadful as it is, at least I wouldnít be left with the knowledge that he didnít care about my health to use one.
He simply believed everything AP said about her sexual history. How anyone could believe a liar is beyond me. Itís yet another one of the horrific details we have to live with.

Want2BHappyAgain posted 6/12/2019 06:16 AM

According to my H...he tried to use a condom . The first two times they went to fuck...when he went to put the condom on he went soft . The third time they got together to fuck...THEY decided to just go for it without one. They were both "clean" anyway . It worked .

I used to think how appropriate it would be if he got HPV from her...and ended up with throat cancer that happens with some men who get it. Then I realized that would mean that I could get HPV from what THEY did too .

Disgusting is the right word for sure. The look on my H's face when he thinks about what he did...definitely a look of DISGUST .

Chaos posted 6/12/2019 06:42 AM

Mine never used one. And pulled out every time. I'm not so sure I believe this. 4.5 years and not one "oops". Right. I'm sure she enjoyed laying that ever time. Because I know he won't lay in the wet spot.

And...I learned from WH and OBS there was a period of time AP was trying to get pregnant. Allegedly she begged him to not pull out.

Don't worry Chaos - I only came in her mouth. She insisted.

Like a bunch of randy teenagers. Heck - even randy teens have more common sense.

JimmyB posted 6/12/2019 07:31 AM

My WW didn't use condoms during any of the 5 sexual affairs I know of. One prior to our relationship, the second during the affair she had with me, she was married when we met, the third during her first affair in our marriage where she ended up pregnant and had an abortion, the forth during her second affair in our marriage, she had started taking birth control, and the fifth during her third affair in our marriage. She also didn't use condoms when she was 15 and having sex with 2 boys, she ended up pregnant, by which one she doesn't know, and had her first abortion then.

Regardless of the massive disrespect she showed me, the fact that she had repeatedly caused and suffered such terrible consequences from her past choices not to use condoms tells me just how f'd up her thinking is. I guess it's just f'd up all around. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Brennan87 posted 6/12/2019 08:38 AM

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

I so didn't need to read this post today. EWWWWWWWW

Unfortunately, my story is similar to Jimmies. So F'd up.

The only bright spot in my story is that this is one of the "gems" that her response makes me laugh. So 14 years old.

WW: He told me he was too old to have any more kids (he was 49), we discussed STIs and he said he was clean.
Me: You know he's a liar and cheat right? So you took a liars word he couldn't have kids, last I checked he was a car salesman, not a general practioner. As for diseases, again, you took a liars word for it because???
WW: CRICKETS...Ö..

Marie2792 posted 6/12/2019 09:19 AM

This was exactly my thought about my WH. I know they used condoms, verified by photos Iíve seen that OW took in the hotel room. He would never not use one and we did for a long time in our early dating and married years too trying to prevent pregnancy.

I posed this very question to him that he had the chance, especially that first of the 9 times, to stop and say he was doing the wrong thing. That he needed to get dressed and go home to his wife. He had told me prior to me asking him about the condoms that on the first night (I was out of town), he questioned himself as he was about to enter her . After getting through the first one, the rest werenít so hard (no pun intended). His mind told him he had already cheated once, that it was tainted already, not considering how much more damaging it each time he slipped his dick where it didnít belong.

By the way this for me goes hand in hand with hownhe communicates during the three week affair. The first nightbhe went home after dropping her off after the first time they screwed, called me at my parents home in Pennsylvania, saying he missed me and wanted to drive up to get us that night. His guilt was eating him; I know now. However, On the other 8 times he took OW to the hot sheets hotel, he rejected my calls, left my texts unreplied to and didnít call me at all. He waited until OW was dropped off at home.

I got HPV from him in 1999, He used a condom and knows that I was knocking on cancers door before removing a third of my cervix in 2001. He knew condoms donít protect against that. He risked my life again. I still struggle with that.

Unhinged posted 6/12/2019 09:20 AM

Hmmm.... she's having an affair but still has the common sense to use a condom?

That's difficult to believe.

cocoplus5nuts posted 6/12/2019 11:45 AM

Geez! I never thought of it that way.

My fch said he used a condom. I don't fully agree believe it. I know he had condoms because we used them. My hope is that it was so automatic for him that he used one without even thinking.

JimmyB posted 6/12/2019 12:05 PM

I obviously know my WW didn't use condoms during her first A. I also know she went on birth control right before or at the beginning of her second A, so have reason to believe she didn't then either. She's never denied it however, not during any A, actually she's admitted it. As much as she has lied, distorted, minimized and TT'd me, I can't figure out why she didn't lie about it during her last A. Maybe she doesn't think I'm as stupid as I think she does? As always, there's no reason to wonder why, my brain just won't work that way and it hurts to try to make it.

Hobbyist posted 6/12/2019 12:08 PM

My xWW did not use condoms, because he had a vasectomy and she "trusted" him. In some cases we had both had sex with her in the same day. Let that sink in! Either way is awful to think about.

waitedwaytoolong posted 6/12/2019 15:35 PM

My EX tried to make the case that the lack of use of condoms, at least for the first time, was proof that she had no real intentions of sleeping with him. If she or he had condoms, that would have made the act premeditated and even worse than it was.

The same with the second time where she promised herself the first was a huge mistake she wouldn't do again. After that it was just the way they did it.

He also promised her he was clean. At least the tests came back ok, so i guess he was.

ramius posted 6/12/2019 16:08 PM

For a cheater to use a condom they must be capable of giving a shit about their BS. Most do not have this ability. Thus most donít use protection.

Do you believe her?

tushnurse posted 6/12/2019 16:21 PM

Quite simply: Cheater Lie.

Make sure you make her get STD tested. Do not have unprotected sex until she presents you with clean results. This includes a pelvic and blood tests for her.
You too should get tested.

Cheaters Lie.

Loukas posted 6/12/2019 16:28 PM

Sorry, t/j: WWTL, I havenít laughed that hard at something so idiotic in quite some time! My sympathies, but thanks!

End t/j

waitedwaytoolong posted 6/12/2019 17:26 PM

Loukas, canít make this crap up. I didnít laugh at the time, but I get the humor now.

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