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Have APs ever reached out to you?

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layla1234 posted 5/17/2019 09:23 AM

I know I shouldn't waste any time thinking about whore of a COW that she is. I just keep having dreams that she will contact me to finally tell me everything. She denied, denied, denied in the beginning. She offered a half assed apology after I wrote her a NC letter after d day. As far as I'm concerned it's bullshit because they went on to break NC after that. She never ever reached out to me in any way and neither did her OBS even though he told me he was suspicious of them. THANKS for the warning, OBS! I'm curious if anyone had a genuinely remorseful AP reach out to you to make amends. How long did it take? Did they reveal information you didn't know?

gmc94 posted 5/17/2019 09:27 AM

Sure she reached out to me.
To tell me that she and my WH had an PA & that my WH has been chasing her for decades.

I've considered reaching out to her to get details - but realized they are both liars and cheaters, so what's the point? She's already lied to me once - why give her another chance. And my WH too.

[This message edited by gmc94 at 9:27 AM, May 17th, 2019 (Friday)]

littleAvocet posted 5/17/2019 09:41 AM

AP reached out with the most half assed bullshit apology that was all about her, and showed not an ounce of remorse about what sheíd done. Iíd rather have had nothing. Iíd be interested to see if there are any remorseful APís out there.

Hawke posted 5/17/2019 09:42 AM

Yes. She reached out to tell me what a selfish person I was for not sharing. Seriously.

layla1234 posted 5/17/2019 09:45 AM

She admitted to WH she was afraid of me. I wonder if that is what's keeping her quiet. One day I went to visit my WH at work for lunch and she freaked out that I was there even though we never saw each other and I had my kids with me. After that, the boss told my husband he needed to get permission for me to visit the office. She's such a coward.

[This message edited by layla1234 at 10:00 AM, May 17th (Friday)]

Catwoman posted 5/17/2019 10:01 AM

One of my ex's APs threatened ME with a restraining order because of one phone call (no threats).

My attorney said he would love it if she did because he relished the opportunity to tell the court exactly WHY that telephone call was made.


SaddestDad posted 5/17/2019 10:01 AM

Nope, POSOM didn't have the balls to apologize, not even a half-assed one.

MamaDragon posted 5/17/2019 10:15 AM

Only to beg me to allow her to be in my WHs life in any form I'd agree to.

She cried when I refused. Full on, snotty bawling.

Chaos posted 5/17/2019 10:19 AM


Unless you count her telling OBS "Next time you talk to her tell that bitch I'll fuck her up"

keptmyword posted 5/17/2019 10:32 AM

I'm curious if anyone had a genuinely remorseful AP reach out to you to make amends


My XWWís adultery partner is as irrelevant to my life as my XWW.

Expecting, wanting, or giving any thought that an AP is going to give any sort of apology or make any sort of amends is the most futile waste of time there is.

People who have sex with married people know what they are doing, they are starkly aware that what they are doing is profoundly wrong, they are starkly aware that they are complicit in causing life-altering pain for children involved, and they know they would never, ever want anyone to do the same to them.

All that said, they simply donít care about your pain, they donít care about your marriage, they donít care about your family, and they donít care about the fear and anguish your children are forced to go through and profound effect it will have on their lives.

How often have you ever heard of an AP apologizing?

Pretty much never.

Take time and look in the Wayward Forum all you want and how many times do you see where an AP has genuinely apologized to the people they helped hurt?

Pretty much never.

What is still stunning to me is that waywards sell out their spouses, their children, their family, their marriage, their dignity, their integrity, their honor, and their souls for the empty flattery from such an utterly worthless piece of shit that is an Adultery Partner.

Donít waste any of your lifeís time waiting or even wondering about it - it wonít come.

And, even if it did, it is really self-serving to them and as meaningless as the empty bullshit they fed your willing wayward spouse.

[This message edited by keptmyword at 10:56 AM, May 17th (Friday)]

layla1234 posted 5/17/2019 10:55 AM


AP was a newlywed with no children. She and WH did not have a physical relationship, but she definitely wasn't owning up to the naked pics and sexting that was going on. I have dreams where she reaches out and tells me they slept together. A polygraph WH took says that's the truth. I wonder if years down the line, after she has children she will realize what she's done. I don't think she is like most APs that are mentioned here.

keptmyword posted 5/17/2019 11:06 AM

I wonder if years down the line, after she has children she will realize what she's done. I don't think she is like most APs that are mentioned here.

A newlywed - and behaving like this.

I pity her spouse and any children they have.

She is an adulterous time-bomb that will go off in the future.

She will likely fuck up her own children, family, and marriage as well as the children, family, and marriage of her AP.

And, she will barf up the same tired, cliche, and worthless excuses and self-justifications that APís and WSís always use for their selfish bullshit.

If it takes her years down the line and having children to get some sense of perspective that what she has done is fundamentally and profoundly wrong then she is no different than, and as fucked up as, any other AP.

[This message edited by keptmyword at 11:10 AM, May 17th (Friday)]

Evertrying posted 5/17/2019 11:10 AM

Nope. Bitch is terrified of me and should be. With one phone call I could seriously fuck up her entire world. Personally and professionally.
I like knowing that she lives in a constant state of panic.

layla1234 posted 5/17/2019 11:13 AM

Everything, same here. Last email I sent to her was deliberately to her work email so she had to notify her boss. It was titled, "homewrecker". I threatened to submit the inappropriate work convos they have to HR if I found out she uttered another word to him. This was in December. She never responded to my email, but I know she reported it to her boss because he asked my WH to ask me not to email her at work again. Seems someone is always jumping to her defense.

SisterMilkshake posted 5/17/2019 11:30 AM

Yep. The OW called me several times, after my FWH ended the affair, but before it was exposed to me.

The OW was a former employee at the company where my FWH was a manager. The OW called to "catch up" with my FWH, but he wasn't home. One of the first things It than said to me was "Don't worry, I'm not after your husband, I have a boyfriend". Yeah, because we all know how that stops cheating.

OW tried to befriend me. Wanted us to go to coffee together. Talked to me about 45 minutes (each time It called) telling me all kinds of personal stuff. I didn't give It much info, certainly nothing personal, as I realized this was some kind of fucked up, needy person that I had no interest in becoming "friends" with.

I have no idea what Its plan was in trying to befriend me. OW stalked (both FWH and me) and fished for my FWH for 6 years after he ended the LTA, unbeknownst to me, and than after I found out It continued to stalk us and fish for FWH for another two years. It was not remorseful. That was not ever the reason It reached out to me. It was to hurt me and cause harm to my marriage.

eta: clarification

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 11:33 AM, May 17th (Friday)]

sewardak posted 5/17/2019 11:31 AM

Umm. this is all kinds of screwed up.
Why the hell is your husband still working with her?
Why are you putting so much energy into her?
you threatened her if she so much as talks to him? What about him? does he have any responsibility here? Why hasn't he told the boss himself?

layla1234 posted 5/17/2019 11:43 AM

This is all quite a while ago. I am doing EMDR, but with the anniversary and the beginning of the affair happening right around this time last year, I'm struggling with lots of unanswered questions. He hasn't worked with her since February and the boss was one of the first people he told.

StillLivin posted 5/17/2019 11:49 AM

She reached out to tell me to let HER man go so they could be together because he didn't love me.
Seriously you can't make this shit up. It was 2 days after Dday and he'd thrown her under the bus and told her they were through. She then threatened me that I would get what I had coming sooner that I thought if I didn't give her HER man back. Then she started sobbing and became incoherent before I hung. I may have made a few digs to add insult to injury to her pride before hanging up.

layla1234 posted 5/17/2019 11:51 AM

Believe me, my WH has been dealt with. The reason I have the inappropriate work conversations is because he gave them to me. I threatened her because she attempted to show him something on her phone in December. He didn't tell me about it until 2 weeks later, but he shut her down and asked for a seat change at work. When the boss didn't comply, he put his notice in. So yea, I threatened to send the convos to HR if she uttered another word to him and reminded her what no contact fucking means.

emergent8 posted 5/17/2019 12:05 PM

Nope. AP remains a coworker of my H (they work in the same building but in different departments/floors). They have to see each other occasionally during large meetings.

I think she is scared of me. Honestly, I hope she is scared of me. I could out her pretty publicly and cause her quite a bit of embarrassment.

She will never apologize - she's far too selfish. She had the nerve to complain post D-Day about how I informed OBS without giving her the opportunity to tell him herself.

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