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Nice guy

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demolishedinside posted 4/21/2019 05:29 AM

Yeah. I agree. I promise that would never come out of my mouth. Women who are healthy and/or have been through any pain definitely would not say something like that. I frankly hate the stereotype that women want that. Right now? Id do almost anything for a guy who saw who I am and chose to spend time with me. No drama. Worked hard. Took care of and loved his kids. Simple. Kind. Honestly, I dont know anyone my age who would want a bad boy.

Nycountrystrong posted 4/22/2019 10:45 AM

Don't let a bad few experiences turn you against the hope of finding someone new, and true. Don't allow those frustrations to change the good man that you are. And that someone out there is looking for.

My first relationship after my marriage flamed out. What I was looking for at the end of the day and what she was turned out to be too far apart. When I was free and ready to take us to the next step, she withdrew. I was the nice guy she needed to heal, but couldn't commit to. It hurt. Left me questioning everything about myself.

The implosion of my marriage from my XW's cheating, lies and abuse damaged me. Having my new beginning fail while trying everything to continue to be me, not be jaded or bitter was a second sucker punch I didn't see coming.

It took months to feel better. I slid into a depressed state for awhile. And it took a bit before I was ready to try again. I ended up meeting a woman who worked at a local store near me and there was a spark. We started dating and things have gone really well. On the 8th we will have been dating for 11 months. I just purchased an engagement ring and soon plan on proposing.

She treats me better, and loves me like I've never known. If not for my failed marriage, and first failed new beginning, we would never have met, or dated. So dont lose hope. I believe all of us here will find the happiness we deserve in time. You will too.

Marz posted 4/22/2019 10:58 AM

Hi Cattlefarmer, I recommend you read the book, The Married Man Sex Life Primer by Athol Kay. This book will help you understand the "bad boy" bullshit and how to deal with

There is also a free download PDF "No More Mr Nice Guy" that may help you as well

[This message edited by Marz at 10:58 AM, April 22nd (Monday)]

devotedman posted 4/22/2019 11:06 AM

I am confident enough to say, and believe, that a woman who wants "bad boys" doesn't want me. It is that simple.

I also believe that there are women out there who don't want, or who can resist the "attraction" of, "bad boys."

Simple math says: Me equals "not bad boy" and Some Women do not want "bad boys" therefore the number of women who might match me is greater than zero.

Then the challenge becomes meeting one such, which I believe that I have done, so... Success!

squid posted 4/26/2019 22:22 PM

I'm currently rekindling a flame with a gal that has a history of cheating. I know it's a trainwreck in the making. Yet I can't resist. We have wonderful chats and we seem engaged. But yet I wonder.

I feel you, cattlefarmer. It's a minefield sometimes.

JoyfulMourning posted 4/26/2019 23:50 PM

I used to wonder why two "nice" people wouldn't get together and have a great relationship.
Well, I found out by watching two of my close friends try it.

They were like the same person in almost every way, seemed so compatible. Confident, kind hearted, funny, smart, hyper, passionate, driven and attractive describes them both. They shared the same views on EVERYTHING. I was tired of witnessing them get hurt from dating the wrong people, ie..bad boys/girls. So I introduced them!

She was tired of being cheated on and bossed around. He was tired of being misused and mistreated. They met, started dating and the fireworks happened. We were all living our blissful best lives over their connection.

Within a year they got engaged! He sold his house & moved to her state, as planned.

Soon afterwards the trouble started. They created an unhealthy dynamic which led to a break up. Would you believe that they fought because the heart wrenching dynamics weren't there?

Example, she came to despise the fact that he was supportive of whatever she wanted to do. All she had to do was let him know how and when to help her. Her XH was controlling and rarely gave her say on any decisions. Her problem with her BF doing the opposite? She felt uncomfortable making "all of the decisions" (her perception) and saw him as weak and unmanly. When he did lay down boundaries she was triggered and accused him of trying to control her. When he gave her suggestions on how to reciprocate support for him, she labeled him needy.

He complained because she wasn't always asking him for things. He seemed like he was also trying to encourage or train her to be controlling and abusive. He literally suggested it was ok for her to fuss and yell at him because sometimes it was good motivation for him. But of course, if she did fuss....he was triggered and dug his heels in.

They both talked a good healthy relationship game but couldn't walk it out. I was literally so shocked.

Unfortunately, they are both back to dating toxic people. Searching for true love and complaining about how lonely they are. Back to square one. At least they're friends now, so, I don't have to listen to it. Their toxic dance made me dizzy.

No judgment.

[This message edited by JoyfulMourning at 12:11 AM, April 27th (Saturday)]

unspecified posted 4/27/2019 00:22 AM

Seconding the "No More Mister Nice Guy" recommendation. I found it worthwhile.

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