SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Sisoon,

You want me to answer a question about a logical contradiction in myself with pathos?

I dont think I understand.

I can try.

To me, its no contradiction at all.

If they were APs in actuality, they are. If they werent, they werent.

But Im flying IFR with dead instruments, trying to get as close to reality as I can anyway.

If I know Ive been stolen from and I had my friends over when the thing went missing, do I call everyone who was there a thief until I sort out who has my shit? No, but each is a suspect.

If one of them passes a polygraph saying they didnt do it, and I find my shit in the glovebox of their car a month later, which piece of evidence should my feelings consider?

I know you havent seen me crying everyday but the rest of the world has. My feelings make everyone uncomfortable. That rejection just stokes the sense of being alone.

Their boundaries have no room for me to experience the consecutive loss of my father and then this within a few years and still be in my life.
Fuck em.

I might be trying to think my way out, but the only reason Im bothering to is that Im positively dripping with anger, hurt, and a boiling sensation of loss. Im letting myself feel, believe me. It seems bottomless, like you said.

I lost most of my "friends" when I went through this long ago. They wanted the happy guy around, and I had no room for that. It happens and it sucks. But in the end they proved to be dead weight fair weather friends. Fuck ‘em is exactly right. The right ones were still around during and after.

Brother, I FELT that post.

It’s hell working thru this. But you are engaged in your mind and your heart. You are listening and thinking. You are doing helpful things.

It’s painful as all fuck, but it is not bottomless, I promise.

I need to be blunt:
I have read all of your posts and they are tough to read.

Your wife's behavior in 2014 was, at that time, bad enough to have her contract terminated (as your signigficant other). She was awful and you took the pain. All of this took place in your early (glory days). When you are 50 like me, will you two talk about how "in love" you both were?

I had a fiance' doing the same to me when I was 21. A friend had to spell it out to me at the time because I was in denial. Once I came to the realization of what really occurred I was done very quickly. This was the best thing that ever happened to me (moving on).

The episode at the bar, where she was crying over the AP, is tragic (for you). If all of that was not bad enough to leave her then...

What you are fretting over now is old news. Forgive her or move on. You are justified either way. If your conversations mirror her posts (talking in circles) you both need counseling.

I really think you might have PTSD. I would if I put up with all of that business with multiple guys.

I dont understand.

Shes been being so good to me. I was thinking about contacting her old boss for info. I had his number in my contacts. I couldnt find it. I had also reached out to K a long time ago, the female coworker involved in the nightclub incident. I noticed that contact was gone. Then I realized my contacts were way thinner than I remembered.

She has gone into my phone and deleted every non family female contact. When? Why? I havent spoken to these people in years, before I knew her. If it made her feel uncomfortable, Id have gladly gotten rid of them. I dont know what all is missing. I got rid of every ex gf or anyone I had hooked up with years ago. These were just old social contacts, not even people I considered! Some might have been customers numbers.

Im not mad, just blown away. I think its so sad.

Why didnt she talk to me? I dont think anything is missing thats going to be missed, I just dont understand?

Shes just texted me this this morning;

"I’m sorry I acted like I owned you and treated you like an object to be controlled. That wasn’t fair or right. I’m sorry I was hyper jealous of you when you were so good to me. That was wrong of me. You didn’t deserve that. "

Its just words.

Edit: shes denying it.

[This message edited by 5bluedrops at 7:18 PM, Saturday, March 29th]

She is denying what she apologized for?

She says she didnt go into my phone and deleted all these contacts. Shes saying she never did this. I certainly didnt.

Shes saying shes worried about me, that Im losing it.

She blew up. Is raging at me.

She had the groupme app in her phone from work. I found J on there one day when I searched his name in her phone.

I was afraid they were talking on groupme, but if he was in her contacts last year before I noticed, it might still be there after she deleted the contact from her phone.

I downloaded the groupme app and synced my contacts to test if it would still be there after a contact was deleted. It would be. She wasnt talking to him there. The app is still in my phone.

I know all these missing contacts were there Feb 5th, when I downloaded the app to run this test. Because some of the missing contacts still show up there.

As I told you before man, your WW isn't the first person to come on here to attempt a Publicity Tour. I'm sorry man.

Shes saying shes worried about me, that Im losing it.

She blew up. Is raging at me.

With the most solemn concern for your welfare, I strongly advise you to get space from her. Not saying you have to divorce her, not saying you need to make any permanent decisions. But get separation from her now. This is a clear and present danger to your mental health.

ETA: the reasons I say this are two fold:
1) she has absolutely no place to be raging at you. There is no excuse. And I know first hand what it does to someone in your condition.
2) she is telling you you are remembering things wrong. She cannot be allowed to influence your self belief. Particularly with things that seem so absurd and unbelievable on the face of it.

Please, get to safety. Clear your head, and then make decisions from there.

[This message edited by InkHulk at 8:57 PM, Saturday, March 29th]

Do you share contacts? Many apps do things they don't tell us about.