SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So you can read my post history and learn that my ex ww is a serial cheater. Been divorced for over a year now 50/50 everything to include the kids. There was an incident that occurred about three months after our divorce where my ex ww had photos of a dildoe in her vagina and other provocative pics that ended up on my fighters iPad. Both my 5 yo and 9yo saw the images. I confronted the ex and it turns out she had her iPhone images synced somehow. She said she corrected it.

This past weekend I looked at my sons iPad and checked his internet history and photos as I always do. There were about 30 videos of my ex having sex , giving his in cars , getting gang banged in her home etc. like really nasty stuff. Kids didn’t see it. I confronted her and she said she corrected it.

I am growing concerned as her behavior is escalating. She’s bringing random groups of men in to the home where my kids live half time for gang bangs. All unprotected. In general my concern isn’t her but my children. Who is to say one of these groups won’t show up when my kids are there? Who is to say that won’t leave drugs behind. I’m at a point where I don’t know what to do. I let her family know and they plan on doing an intervention this week. Just seeking advice from this forum as it has been extremely helpful to me in the past.

I would see an attorney. This isn't the first time sexual imagery has showed up where your children have access. Regardless of one's opinion on casual sex, what you've seen is not appropriate for children. You've seen it though. Your unfortunate choice now is to either object or not to object, and this choice forms the basis of precedent going forward.

You have every right to be concerned.

What if one if these guys finds out she has kids and returns one night uninvited?

I would suggest you speak to your attorney ASAP.

She exposed your children to pornography not once but twice, I would be seeing an attorney and if she is bringing groups of men into a home where your children live, that is incredibly unsafe for the children, I would be filing for an emergency custody hearing.

I hope you downloaded and saved it to show your attorney.

Yes I did. She didn’t have these gang bangs when the kids were there. My biggest concern is if one of these groups come when the kids are there or them getting an std from her. All of the sex was unprotected.

Agree about seeing an attorney immediately and filing emergency custody hearing.

I also would get kids in therapy.

This is very disturbing. I would lose my shit.

I’m sorry I had to read this. So I can only imagine the horror you’re going through. I’m so sorry this is happening to you.

I agree with what the others have said, talk to your lawyers. I don’t know if it would be enough to get the kids out of the house by I hope and pray you can get them away from her and that awful environment.

Your concern for the potential needs to be secondary to your concern for the very present actual.

I would compare this to not only having an unsecured loaded gun in the house - let’s say, kept in her own bedroom - but instead it is stored under your kids’ pillow. No…I don’t need to extrapolate the potentialities of that even further. I just need to either get the gun or the kids out of that house. Given your wife’s history, kinks, and proclivity to bad judgement, I am perfectly clear on which outcome I would be focusing on. You don’t need to also include the potential poor judgement of the unknown actors.

This is most definitely an emergency in the present.

I will be consulting an attorney this week. I am alarmed by this behavior and think it’s a dangerous situation. I cal also see a judge saying what my ex does in her own time when she isn’t with the kids is her business. To me it demonstrates really poor judgment . It’s also very perverted. We all have our kinks I guess but three guys at once unprotected while being recorded is just wild.

I am glad you are seeing an attorney. If she is engaging in this activity where she lives, it is NOT a safe place for your children - ANY time, These perverts could drop by at any time. The attorney should ask for restricted and supervised visitation AWAY from her home until she gets some counseling and ceases this type of behavior. Who knows when they might decide to drag your children into their session for kicks. Act immediately.

[This message edited by Jeaniegirl at 10:09 PM, Sunday, December 10th]

I don’t want to scare you but little kids tell things in school. Teachers are mandated reporters which mean CPS might get involved. Your atty needs to know asap.

I certainly agree that you should see your attorney but...

But, situations like this... is how I caught my ex-WW in the first place. She took pictures on her phone which were automatically put on our kids' tablets due to cloud stuff (I don't know computers that well). This was BEFORE divorce started (even before D-day). During my divorce and the custody fight, the custody evaluator didn't seem to care AT ALL that my wife had photos of her using a toy on herself in my kids' tablets.

Also, in talking to my attorney after we had a custody agreement, I was told that the court will not be interested in revisiting the custody agreement unless I can demonstrate that my ex was physically endangering our children.

So, I am not confident that you would have a legal resolution but you definitely need to protect your children so definitely talk to your lawyer.

All that aside... seeing all of that had to be traumatic for you. Are **YOU** okay?

It’s horrifying to me. I’ve been I. Therapy since discovering the affair and will continue to go. Seeing your ex and the mother of your kids getting gang banged is disturbing. Especially in the home where you used to live and where your kids are half time. To me it shows me just how perverted and sick she really is.

I don’t sleep well when the kids aren’t here and I’m worried about them. I feel like she keeps sucking me in. I just want my peace. I think eventually she will hang if I just keep giving her the rope.

Could your exWW be part of the pornography industry like onlyfans or whatever else is out their for amateurs?

It is really irresponsible for a parent to take images/videos of this acts that may show up anywhere their children can see. It seems like really odd behavior. Or she is doing this knowing you'll see the images/videos.

I am sorry your exWW is such an irresponsible parent.

There are ways for her to keep alllll of that separate from the kids. Ways to keep that shit off of any device the kids have access to.

She's not choosing to do that.

She was told once..and it happened again.

If this were a father,purposely leaving material like that on a device he knew his children had full access of, he would be considered a possible predator. A pedophile.

Because this is purposeful. This isn't an accident.

I think you need to seriously consider there is more to this than gross negligence. She wants the kids to see this. Once could be a terrible mistake in judgement, and carelessness. But it's now happened more than once. This wasn't an accident.

Pedophilia doesn't have a gender.

Devices don't automatically sync. You are asked if you want to sync all your devices. You have the option of not syncing them. You can turn sync off. It's super easy.

[This message edited by HellFire at 9:13 PM, Thursday, December 21st]

I don’t sleep well when the kids aren’t here and I’m worried about them. I feel like she keeps sucking me in. I just want my peace. I think eventually she will hang if I just keep giving her the rope.

A friendly reminder that you need to let go of her. She is not your monkey; not your circus. You worry about you and you worry about your kids. End the worrying there.

Going a step further, you need to put serious boundaries in place so that she can't "suck you in." I stopped speaking to my ex about anything personal the moment that we separated. I gave her no opinions, no insight into what I was thinking or feeling. I did that to protect myself and my feelings. This is not easy to do but it gets easier with practice.

For example, I got upset the first time another man's name showed up on my ex's phone (her phone was connected to the car's display). That was a mistake. The second time this happened, I never mentioned it at all -- again, she wasn't my monkey, wasn't my circus. This second guy is now her live-in boyfriend. He has five alcohol-related convictions (as shown by a quick google search). She accused me of spying on her during our custody dispute because she had no idea of how I found out about him (she tried "really hard" to hide him -- she's not very clever).

You also have to let her parent her way on her time. This gets a little dicey because of the syncing and whatever. I don't know if I would say that it's intentional but you know her and I (we) do not. I know that my ex sync'd stuff accidentally before. And the story above also shows that my ex has little clue about the electronic trail that she left behind. Anyway, she's allowed to screw whoever she wants on her own time. The videos are possibly crossing a line especially if your kids are exposed to that stuff. That's worth discussing with an attorney but my guess is that the burden of proof would be on you to show that the kids were exposed to that material.

Most of us have mind-movies of our partners cheating on us. I feel so badly for you that you had to see the real thing. Take care of yourself.