Agree with everything here.
I don't see that. If you agreed, I think you'd be acting different.
I am reading Not Just Friends and making notes about sections she should read if she isn't going to read the whole thing.
Reading means nothing, but that's what you're asking for - something that is meaningless.
Change means something, but you're not asking for that. That's pretty fogged up, since you ask about living in a fog.
We are both early 40s and she knows she is having a mid life crisis.
That's and excuse, not a reason
With respect, what fog am I in?
you've gotten example after example. The problem is that you've missed them.
Tell the OBS. I'm sure you've heard this saying before: "If it can be destroyed by the truth, it deserves to be destroyed by the truth."
I've never heard that; thanks for sharing. It's 100% true.
If your M is doomed, the sooner you recognize it, the sooner you all can start healing. D is devastating to kids past 4 or 5 (and perhaps younger), but they do heal when given a chance. You're not giving them a chance
But the reason I am OK with her seeing him for "closure" it can no longer be thrown in my face that I didn't give her the chance to end this in her own mind when she was already on her way there. It wouldn't necessarily change the long term outcome but if she can realise for herself what she has done then we have a chance. She isn't ever going to get there as it stands right now.
You've led the horse to water, but she hasn't taken a drink. Any Kool-aid drinking in your relationship has been done by you.
'Closure' may be helpful in honest relationships, but your W's relationship with this guy has been dishonest in all respects because of the dishonesty as t its core.
You have catered to your W's whims and dishonesty. Letting her violate boundaries is a lousy basis for R, because honesty is the single most critical requirement for R, IMO.
You've bought in.
You need to tell OBS because your honesty is a requirement for R, too. OBS is vulnerable to immense emotional pain, and she may be vulnerable to disease and other physical pain. The sooner she realizes that, well, the sooner she can start healing, too.
You are operating on the basis of your fears. I'm sure some people who let fear rule them get what they want, but That is a losing strategy.
I urge you to stop doing that to yourself.
[This message edited by SI Staff at 4:48 PM, Monday, April 17th]