You know you commented on the waywards post about her reconciling with her husband over lunch.
In that case the husband kicked her out and filed for divorce.
Would need to re read her post but her husband did not accept her bs and it put the responsibility of fixing things on her.
But he is kind and opening the door for her but she has to walk through it or he is gone.
It sounds like you are trying to fix this and it will never work.
You don’t have to be mean and it’s ok to be honest but you cannot be doing all the work.
I know that we all jump to divorce really quickly but there is a reason for it.
The cheater has to want the marriage and be willing to fight for it. Not just be comfortable and scared of the unknown.
You can’t be scared to let her go. You can’t be doing all the work.
You’re in a tough spot as she is still there but is she really there. Cheating has consequences and the cheater has to be strong enough to accept them and fight through them.
I’m not sure forcing her into marriage counseling will help. You can ask her but if you have to drag her it won’t help.
You can’t negotiate or control her into loving you.
All you can do is set boundaries and she has to volunteer to follow them.
Did you ever tell that man’s wife?
If you did not there is a big problem. You are scarred to rock the boat because of fear of losing her.
Men who stand up for themselves would not need much coaching and would have automatically done it. That’s something to think about.
That’s not meant to insult you that’s meant encourage you to stand up for yourself.
There are so many reasons to tell that man’s wife that have nothing to do with the "greater moral good"
You don’t have 100% proof that it is even over if you have not.
I’m so sorry. You pain comes through in your words.
I highly recommend you find post from "Bigger"
I always recommend that when I post obviously I’m a big fan.
I think he always has great advice on the correct tone and how you should talk to your wife.
There are a lot of issues with your story. I do not think you are completely out of danger.
You have to stand up for yourself. You deserve better. You can’t let this odd limbo go on for years. Make no mistake it can go on for years.
I hope things work out and you get what you want but it’s not just going to happen.
She will not just "get it" with out action from you.
But again the old saying "you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink"
We all know that saying for a reason.
Make sure you are taking care of your self in the meantime. Physically (diet and exercise) and financially. That’s always helps no matter what the outcome.