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Newest Member: lusciouslou

Divorce/Separation :
Bleep's Update

Topic is Sleeping.
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barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 8:16 PM on Monday, January 9th, 2023

Sorry everyone. I didn't mean to disparage lawyers, in general. I hired three lawyers for my divorce and all three seemed to be decent human beings (although I think lawyer#2 was going through some personal issues -- I wish that she had been ethical enough to say "I'm not in a position to take your case right now"). Lawyer#3 was definitely an ethics-first lawyer.

I definitely intended to disparage the oversight of lawyers, which at my location is mostly non-existent. Sorry about the confusion. Opposing counsel in my divorce was a train wreck of ethical misconduct and I was basically told that there was nothing that I could do about it.

The job of opposing counsel is to gaslight you.

I feel like I should provide some context for this.

My pending legal issue is with a home owner's association. We obtained pre-approval to replace some windows but after the new windows were installed... the HOA claimed that we did it wrong and they are telling us to re-replace the windows. One of their lawyer's claims is that we replaced the windows with the cheapest windows that we could find. The HOA allows only three specific brands of windows, so at worst we picked the cheapest of a list of three pre-approved windows (we didn't even cost-compare).

Anyway, the lawyer-friend used the above phrase to defend opposing counsel calling us cheap, even though that was clearly a ridiculous accusation (and irrelevant) given the facts of our case.

[This message edited by barcher144 at 8:35 PM, Monday, January 9th]

Me: Crap, I'm 50 years old. D-Day: August 30, 2016. Two years of false reconciliation. Divorce final: Feb 1, 2021. Re-married: December 3, 2022.

posts: 5417   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8772675
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Jeaniegirl ( member #6370) posted at 10:49 PM on Monday, January 9th, 2023

I can say with all honesty, IF I were involved with family law (Which I'm not), I would have to see documents verifying income to determine child support - because I'm an advocate of CHILDREN. I would never take a client's 'word' on income without seeing proof. I would also never lie to the courts about under the table income not reported.

So some of us are sticklers for the truth and that can be done and still be an advocate for clients.

"Because I deserve better"

posts: 3667   ·   registered: Feb. 1st, 2005
id 8772691
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 WhoTheBleep (original poster member #49504) posted at 4:58 PM on Wednesday, January 18th, 2023

My accountant came up with a new number, more accurate based on law, ignoring a significant portion of his income because STBX will certainly explain it away at trial, false expenses, etc, and the cost to litigate is not worth it to me. It's a number almost exactly halfway between our initial offers to each other. STBX would be insane not to accept. Even his own attorney stated that my accountant is one of the most honest men he knows (unlike STBX's accountant who completely ignored case law on other parts of STBXs income.) His attorney tried to trim child support down a bit more, but my attorney drew the hard line. And now we wait. There is no reason why I should not hear today. Enough with the shenanigans from the other side. Let's get this done.

I'm tired. I'm sad. I'm lonely. It feels like clinical depression. I'm helping the fog lifts soon. Thanks for reading.

By the way, I have one of those ethical lawyers. She fact checks everything. Checks case law on everything. Always plays it straight and fair. Two of STBX's three attorneys have not. His first was a female who ditched him very quickly. I think she knew what she was dealing with and wanted out. His second played all kinds of games and then filed a motion to withdraw when he had had enough, which was granted, against STBX's wishes. This last guy is a mixed bag. I know he wants to resolve the issues, but he's willing to dish out lies and hope I don't notice.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 6:18 PM, Wednesday, January 25th]

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4500   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8773775
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ZenMumWalking ( Guide #25341) posted at 8:01 PM on Wednesday, January 18th, 2023

((((WTB))))

I'm so sorry you're going through all this, and I really hope that the asshole caves.

But: remember, CS is for YOUR CHILDREN. It's not about you, it's about them. Keeping this perspective in mind should help you keep your strength if (when?) they try lowering the already too low value any further.

Hang in there, and keep us posted.

((((WTB))))

Me (BS), Him (WH): late-50's
3 DS: 26, 25, 22
M: 30+ (19 1/2 at Dday)
Dday: Dec 2008
Wanted R, not gonna happen (in permanent S)
Used to be DeadMumWalking, doing better now

posts: 8533   ·   registered: Aug. 28th, 2009   ·   location: EU
id 8773805
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 4:53 PM on Thursday, January 19th, 2023

Just sending some virtual support. Hang in there…. The end is in sight…

Me: BS 55 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 5819   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8773896
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Chili ( member #35503) posted at 7:21 PM on Thursday, January 19th, 2023

Bleepy:

I haven't been around a ton lately, but I've been following your updates here and there.

I'm still standing at that plate glass window behind you, pressing my face up to it (and flashing the one finger salute if needed). Except now I'm imploring him to handle his business and be done already.

Like Bearly, I'm sending all the good vibes and juju for you to reach this landmark moment and get on to getting. Time for Bleep to focus on you and your littles and move to the onward.

Hug.

2012 pretty much sucked.
Things no longer suck.
Took off flying solo with the co-pilot chili dog.
"Life teaches you how to live it if you live long enough" - Tony Bennett

posts: 2233   ·   registered: May. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: Reality
id 8773911
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 WhoTheBleep (original poster member #49504) posted at 2:57 PM on Friday, January 20th, 2023

He agreed to the latest child support amount. He owes me about 10K in out of pocket expenses, and I've cut that significantly back in the interest of getting this done. I also agreed to have my own attorney write up the agreement. This will save STBX money, and I can avoid more shenanigans. I'm hoping to hear back today. Almost there, guys.

Also, his latest lawyer is at his wit's end and indicated what a difficult person his client is. He's completely stressed out and shared this with my lawyer. (Mind you, this is a man in his '70s who has been practicing family law most of his life). My lawyer responded, "You just got here. We've been doing this for 5 years. How do you think WE feel?"🤣

Zen, Jeanie, barcher, bearly, and Chili (heeyyyy lady!), and anyone I missed, thank you thank you thank you for your support. I know you all get it.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 3:24 PM, Friday, January 20th]

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4500   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8774041
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BluerThanBlue ( member #74855) posted at 3:27 PM on Friday, January 20th, 2023

This is great news, Bleep!


We've been doing this for 5 years. How do you think WE feel?

Um, you've been dealing his bullshit for way longer than that. If his lawyer thinks his year or so with him is bad, then he should nominate you for a Nobel Prize.

We're cheering for you!

BW, 40s

Divorced WH in 2015; now happily remarried

I edit my comments a lot for spelling, grammar, typos, etc.

posts: 1794   ·   registered: Jul. 13th, 2020
id 8774063
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ZenMumWalking ( Guide #25341) posted at 5:35 PM on Friday, January 20th, 2023

He agreed to the latest child support amount.

YaHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! grin grin grin grin grin

It ain't over till it's over, but the end seems to be truly in sight this time, hang in there honey we've got your back.

((((WTB))))

Me (BS), Him (WH): late-50's
3 DS: 26, 25, 22
M: 30+ (19 1/2 at Dday)
Dday: Dec 2008
Wanted R, not gonna happen (in permanent S)
Used to be DeadMumWalking, doing better now

posts: 8533   ·   registered: Aug. 28th, 2009   ·   location: EU
id 8774113
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Forks027 ( member #59996) posted at 10:51 PM on Friday, January 20th, 2023

Final stretch, Bleep. Hang in there. Sending virtual support and hugs your way.

posts: 543   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2017
id 8774147
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 WhoTheBleep (original poster member #49504) posted at 12:33 AM on Saturday, January 21st, 2023

Thanks, everyone.

It ain't over till it's over

This is correct. We didn't get any response today.

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4500   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8774160
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 WhoTheBleep (original poster member #49504) posted at 4:04 PM on Wednesday, January 25th, 2023

I believe we have a verbal agreement. My lawyer is writing it up. She said she will feel more confident when it is signed by both of us. STBX pulled shenanigans right up to the end.

I told my lawyer hild support must go through family Court, in order to be monitored, or be directly sent from his income source. I refuse to deal with his games on a monthly basis. We will put that in the MSA.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 6:18 PM, Wednesday, January 25th]

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4500   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8774643
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Forks027 ( member #59996) posted at 7:31 PM on Wednesday, January 25th, 2023

Good call. Stay strong. Final stretch. Sending you hugs.

posts: 543   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2017
id 8774669
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 7:33 PM on Wednesday, January 25th, 2023

Can't wait to read your update when it is SIGNED. So sorry this is dragging out, but hope the light is at the end of the tunnel - and it isn't a train coming from the other side.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 3125   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8774672
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ArkLaMiss ( member #14918) posted at 8:07 PM on Friday, January 27th, 2023

Any updates, Bleep?

Just HOW stupid do you think I am, exactly?

posts: 1800   ·   registered: Jun. 8th, 2007
id 8775028
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 WhoTheBleep (original poster member #49504) posted at 3:21 PM on Saturday, January 28th, 2023

Not yet, my lawyer is swamped, so she said it would take a few days or more.

Also, apparently STBX's illness (if you recall) has returned. I have no details. Heavy stuff. I let him know I will help with the kids in any way I can (borderline breaking Gray Rock, there) so he can focus on his health, which opened the door to a tirade from him about unrelated things, followed by a "thank you" 🤦. I did not take the bait.

I'll keep you all posted. Thank you for asking!

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 3:23 PM, Saturday, January 28th]

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4500   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8775114
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 11:32 PM on Saturday, January 28th, 2023

Well, not the update I was hoping to read, but not the worst. Good job on not engaging. That can be so tough.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 3125   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8775190
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 WhoTheBleep (original poster member #49504) posted at 2:08 PM on Wednesday, March 1st, 2023

STBX and I signed our MSA yesterday. It is legally binding even though we will not be officially divorced until next week.

I am free.

I managed to survive a five year divorce incurring no additional debt. My only debt is my mortgage. I love my house, and I get to stay here. No bad juju since STBX has never lived in it. Most importantly, I am not married to a cheater anymore. He has no say in what I do with my life or my money.

There are no words to describe how I feel. The whole world is more beautiful today. I feel joy again.

For those of you, still on your divorce journey, know this: you will survive. There is light on the other side. Just keep moving towards it. I’m looking forward to seeing you all here.

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4500   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8779993
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 WhoTheBleep (original poster member #49504) posted at 2:10 PM on Wednesday, March 1st, 2023

That was my 4444th post here. I should mention that my favorite number has always been four, since I was a small child. How apropos.

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4500   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8779994
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 3:22 PM on Wednesday, March 1st, 2023

Congratulations on your freedom!

ETA: This is my 1777 post. 1+7+7+7 = 22. 2+2 = 4

[This message edited by leafields at 3:24 PM, Wednesday, March 1st]

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 3125   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8780009
Topic is Sleeping.
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