SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I don't pop in very often but I've been following you journey. Your passion project is such an exciting development. I'm so sorry your relationship didn't go the distance, but you sound very solid.

So here is an update. Feeling a bit blue,but hey, good with the bad...

For the most part, I'm surviving. Being off for the summer has been challenging. I've been fighting depression and a lack of purpose not being at work. This underscores the difficulty of retirement for me. I just think I'll work until I die.

Recently, I’ve been waking g up in the middle of the night having anxiety attacks. They remind me of the one's I had after Dday. I have no idea what the triggers are, so I can't address those. I just wake up.and feel the adrenaline surge enter my bloodstream. I actually really hate the feeling.

As many of you know, both my daughters live with me full-time and are grown. Having them here is a godsend, but I wonder what will happen when they move out?

Plus, last night I woke up terrified that I had not updated my will. Maybe it's the fact I just watched "Bucket List" again,and I realized that I will never see the end of life that Morgan Freeman saw.

Being long in the tooth and having so many bad experiences, I think I need to resign myself to the fact that this is my life and make the best of it. I feel a little defeated as I really did try and do the whole family thing right...

Shit.

JSG, I'm sorry you're feeling a little on the blue side. Those middle of the night anxiety attacks aren't fun.

Based on your comments about work, retirement and wondering about life after your girls move out one day all sounds like wrestling with getting older. I'm right there with you. It's definitely a coming to terms moment. There's grieving for what we didn't do and probably don't have the time or energy to do and anxiety about what the next phase looks like. It's scary, and no one prepares us for this.

I feel a little defeated as I really did try and do the whole family thing right...

I get that. It's one of my biggest disappointments too.

The betrayal trauma, the pandemic and reaching a certain age, added to contemplating losing our work identities and our children living with us - is enough to make anyone melancholy.

As I've been going through similar, I can say the sadness and anxiety come and go. I'm hoping that this is simply a transitional period, as we adjust to a new chapter - being an older person. Why did no one tell us??

I find when I set a goal - a trip or a project - or find a new hobby that grabs my interest, it vastly improves my mood, but I'm not going to lie, it is harder to find purpose the older I get. It's there, but it's not beating down the door anymore. I have to make it happen and sometimes I get lazy about it.

I hope this moment passes and that you're feeling a lot better soon.

Thanks Skeet. Your response helps. Sometimes I feel sad thinking that this is what my final act will be, knowing it could have been so much more.

Shooting for contentment though...

JSG,
Do you have the means to get IC? Knowing that your daughters' impending move out will be tough is insightful and it would help to get ahead of it.

1994,

I don't see my kids moving in the next 2-5 years, so I have time to adjust.

As for IC, I don't think they can help me as I've been pretty much therapied out. I. At a stage where I am pretty self aware.

My plan is to work as long as I can after I turn 65. That way it will keep me busy. I need to find some I interests beyond work to keep me busy, so I'll start exploring. It's funny. When I was younger, I had so many passions and I interests. Now, I just can't get excited about stuff. I know the I fidelity changed me.

JSG

If I remember correctly, you’re pretty handy and know your way around a saw and hammer. Ever consider volunteering to help rebuild/refurbish homes for the disadvantaged/elderly? Just a thought to give yourself a sense of purpose outside of your job.

Either way, all the best.

Ff4152, that’s a great idea!

JSG, I relate so much to what you wrote. I agree that work gives us purpose, And I will probably work as long as I am physically able. Part time at least. Sounds like you are on a downswing of the post-infidelity kiddie roller coaster. I have those moments also. I also understand being therapied out. I am done with it also after seven years.

Is there may be a local group you can join, that meets weekly or monthly and does something that you are interested in? Pickle ball seems to be the new hot thing, although my local ER calls it cripple ball… So be careful there. I have a Recovering alcoholic friend who also battles depression. He meets weekly with a local music group that plays Irish music…. And they just jam together. He says it has saved his life, quite literally. Think about what you like to do most, and if there isn’t already a group in existence near you, maybe start one? Cycling, walking, music, chess, trivia, Book club, etc.

Or as ff4152 suggested, Any kind of volunteer work that gets you around other people. Check with local churches. They are always needing volunteers for weekend activities, soup kitchens, even just as ushers for Services. You don’t need to be religious to get involved.

Hang in there, friend. I enjoy reading your updates. Just keep going.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 5:27 PM, Monday, August 5th]

I am rooting for you to have the life you truly want!

When I was younger, I had so many passions and I interests. Now, I just can't get excited about stuff. I know the I fidelity changed me.

This is so relatable.

Infidelity has taken away a lot of my passion for life as well. My relationship was part of the organizing principle of my existence. It provided a lot of comfort and motivation, even though I had a fairly big and satisfying independent life before and during. I decided, post-betrayal, not to enter into another romantic relationship, but that's left me feeling less excited about everything somehow. I suppose I never imagined myself aging alone, and I still don't have a lot of peace with that. I wonder if that's what's going on with you?

I don't know if it's healing stuff or a very big adjustment I'm still trying to make. At any rate, we just have to be patient and trust that we will heal fully and make all the necessary adjustments at some point, and also remember that life can surprise the hell out of us. You can turn a corner and bump into the most exciting and wonderful opportunities and people. We really don't know what the future holds for us.

You sound like a really decent human. Good things surely are in store.

Appreciate the comments. Thanks

Being in mid 60s is not end of life stage. Sorry it just aint. If you don't get hit by a train, you probably have 20 or more years to enjoy life.

So keep showing up and you will feel better.

Hello everyone. I thought I would pop in and give an update, although there's really nothing new going on.

Right now I'm sitting in a log cabin by a mountain lake with my best friend and his 30 year old son. We are having our September long weekend getaway. This is our second one here and I think this will turn into a tradition.

There's no cell service here, but there is a starling wifi setup I can use. I'm taking a break from reading my novel. We just had a winter weather blow through, so it is cold and rainy outside. The wood stove is keeping us warm and dry though.

As I mentioned before, I'm not dating and have no interest in starting up. I think enough time has passed for me to start being comfortable with being alone again. I just want peace in my life.

I'm looking forward to the cooler weather of fall and winter and it's soup and stew season. As well, I can enjoy my wood fireplace again. Sitting in front of a fire seems to feed my soul.

Work is good and I continue to hang out with my female colleague quite a bit. We are just friends, and I'm happy to leave it there, though I've had some curious questions. We've been friends for almost 5 years, so I can't imagine it developing. It's just nice to have some female energy in my life.

So that's it for now. Hope everyone is well, at least as well as a bunch of BS's can be. Cheers all.

Sounds like a nice break from the day-to-day life for you. I can almost smell the fire burning and can hear the popping sound in the background.

I have a couple of chuck roasts in the freezer that I'm looking forward to cooking with potatoes and carrots. And I'm looking forward to making some homemade soups for the fall/winter. Mmm.

Enjoy your long weekend!

Peace is everything. Glad you have found it and are enjoying it!

"So that's it for now. Hope everyone is well, at least as well as a bunch of BS's can be. Cheers all."

Cheers to you too.

Glad you are enjoying cabin life! Despite my screen name, I am more of a tropical bird..a pink flamingo maybe haha…so am hoping summer will linger a bit.

Well, here is an interesting update:

I have this dresser that was given to me by a friend. I figure it's late 1800's early 1900's, definitely pre-depression Era as it is,solid oak with a hand carved mirror. I'm trying to decide to restore it or just sell it. Anyway, I'm showing it to my daughter, and she says, "Hey dad, there's a letter in there for you!"

Sure enough, there taped to the back of the top drawer, was a sealed letter addressed to me.

I pulled out and recognized who it was from. I decided to fix a coffee before reading it, as I though it would be a sit down and think event. I was right.

I wish I had my dates right, but the date on the letter suggests that it was penned post drawer clean-out. That means she must have snuck in before I changed the door code. Nope, not creepy behaviour at all...

The contents were standard boiler-plate stuff. It's notvyou, it's me, thank you for opening my heart to love, showed mecwhat a relationship could be
you are a unicorn, yadda, yadda, yadda... just the normal platitudes that signify nothing. It's a shame people can't just talk to each other.

So in a sense, the narrative has folded back on itself, just not in the way I had expected, at least not yet. Interestingly, I found the letter 8+ months after Dday (drawer day) lol. I've had enough time to process so I can look at this recent event with more objectivity now.

So that's it.the movie of the week that is my life, continues to unfold...

JSG

Has she tried reaching out to you again?

Well, that was an update that I was not expecting. That is creepy, but does sound like something a teenager might do. Let us know if you decide to refinish it.

No, FF, she hasn't tried reaching out as I'm certain that there's more to her situation than she's willing to reveal. Again, my guess is she's got a new guy or back with the ex.

As for her behaviour, Leafields is right. It's very childish. She's very conflict avoidant. I have no idea where that stems from, but my guess is childhood.