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Newest Member: Crushedafter46years

Divorce/Separation :
Preparing for battle in the strange calm in my house

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 Crazytrain101 (original poster member #48200) posted at 1:36 PM on Wednesday, September 28th, 2022

Hi everyone, my fisrt D-Day was in 2015, mutiple AP's (over 13 crying ) I filed for D and with the WH andchose R of my youngest stayed married but only a post-nuptial infidelity agreement. Now here again D-Day 2 weeks ago. We have just started the D.

I have a great attorney, have created an email with loads of infidelity evidence, nudes of himself, hotel receipts...blah..blah..you get my point. Undeniable proof that I'm still sure my WH will deny. I have two AP's willing to come testify about the affair.

I met with my attorney to go over everything, yes the post-nuptial will hold up. He's required to pay on the house until my youngest is 18 (5 years), attorney fees, alimony, a lot of financially devastating stuff. I'm planning on building the best case for me to have primary custody and him visitation and have lots to prove that I am the best option.

My WH hasn't been told as of yet, my cheating WH told his attorney I was having an affair laugh (the 75/25 split also goes against me if were to have cheated). I included that so the post-nuptial was fair.

Things are strangely quiet at the house since I haven't been able to get him out, we don't speak to each other but very weird. A few backhanded remarks by him but overall quiet.

My WH is very money orientated, and unstable and I firmly believe this is the calm before the storm approaching. My kids start IC today so I'm hoping they can start to heal through this.

Has anyone experienced this before a fall out? Things are just too stangely calm for me to believe this is going to continue for an extended amount of time.

[This message edited by Crazytrain101 at 1:42 PM, Friday, September 30th]

6 years ago-found out he was a serial cheaterReconciled-2015 Back again September 2022 as WH is a cheater again Heading to Divorce

posts: 1768   ·   registered: Jun. 10th, 2015   ·   location: Ohio
id 8757338
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MIgander ( member #71285) posted at 5:13 PM on Wednesday, September 28th, 2022

Not my experience, but I wanted you to know that this is common behavior seen here on the site.

If he's money oriented, your instincts are likely correct that he is going to make this ugly.

You sound well prepared though, with all evidence secured. Maybe print some copies out and give to a friend to keep. Actually, definitely do that!

Hang in there, I'm glad you're getting what you deserve and getting rid of his nonsense from your life.

WW/BW Dday July 2019. BH/WH- multiple EA's. Back at it again- bantering w the younger woman. Lied about blocking phone calls and deleted texts. Carried on with her. Financial infidelity again- who says you only cheat with lovers?

posts: 895   ·   registered: Aug. 15th, 2019   ·   location: Michigan
id 8757370
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 5:59 PM on Wednesday, September 28th, 2022

I think he’s calm b/c he believes he can win. As in he’s claiming you cheated and he’s going to fabricate evidence.

Have all your social media on lockdown. Remove it if necessary. He will take an innocent post and use it you.

Good luck. He’s playing a game he believes he will
win. Watch yourself.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 12794   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8757381
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BluerThanBlue ( member #74855) posted at 6:05 PM on Wednesday, September 28th, 2022

As I told you in JFO, you need to be very careful because your husband is an extremely dangerous man.

What advice have you taken in terms of protecting yourself from him?

BW, age 40
Divorced WH in 2015; now happily remarried to a great guy

I edit my comments a lot for spelling, grammar, typos, etc.

posts: 953   ·   registered: Jul. 13th, 2020
id 8757384
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homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 7:01 PM on Wednesday, September 28th, 2022

My xh had cameras/voice recordings in my house and in a neighborhood’s woods, aimed at my house. Ur H probably thinks he’s gonna get evidence of you cheating. I think he’s also waiting for you to start a fight with him.

Just remain calm until you get him out of the house.

Try not to tell your ws when U take your son to counseling. 👍

Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55

posts: 5452   ·   registered: Jan. 30th, 2012
id 8757395
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fareast ( Guide #61555) posted at 8:19 PM on Wednesday, September 28th, 2022

If your WH is money oriented he definitely has the propensity to make the D process ugly. We’ve seen it many times here. Be prepared and be smart but no need to panic. Protect your evidence. Protect yourself and your children. Become a grey rock. Don’t engage or let him bait you into an attack. Good luck.

Never bother with things in your rearview mirror. Your best days are on the road in front of you.

posts: 3354   ·   registered: Nov. 24th, 2017
id 8757402
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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 8:51 PM on Wednesday, September 28th, 2022

I'm going to be very blunt..

Your husband is an extremely dangerous man who tried to cause you serious bodily harm. It's honestly the most sadistic story I've read on any infidelity site.

He doesn't see you,or your children, as people. He doesn't love anyone. He isn't insane,because I believe he knows exactly what he's doing. Because of all of this, you and your children are in extreme danger, once he realizes he's going to lose his precious money,and then finds out the judge will dismiss his claim that you had an affair.

Your husband is very capable of killing you,and the kids. Point blank.

You've said you would be fine without getting any money from him in the divorce settlement. I understand not wanting to let him "get away with it." But is it worth the very real risk?

posts: 4854   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8757406
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 Crazytrain101 (original poster member #48200) posted at 12:19 AM on Thursday, September 29th, 2022

MIgander,
Thank you, my WH is VERY money orientated so I do know when we finally have a court date in the next few months in the regards solely on the loads of proof I have on him, all safely with my attorney in its own email.

My WH has NOTHING on me so now worries on that front.

I will be very glad when its all over, CT101

6 years ago-found out he was a serial cheaterReconciled-2015 Back again September 2022 as WH is a cheater again Heading to Divorce

posts: 1768   ·   registered: Jun. 10th, 2015   ·   location: Ohio
id 8757442
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 Crazytrain101 (original poster member #48200) posted at 12:23 AM on Thursday, September 29th, 2022

The1stWife,
I am thinking WH is faking the confidence just to offset me, I honestly cannot believe he's being so complacent. We've been in the house together with zero words spoken to each other for a week.

My social media is very clean, I post nothing personal, kids, accomplishments, happy go lucky stuff, I have a very reputation based career so I have for years always kept things spotless.

I will most certainly watch every step I take.

6 years ago-found out he was a serial cheaterReconciled-2015 Back again September 2022 as WH is a cheater again Heading to Divorce

posts: 1768   ·   registered: Jun. 10th, 2015   ·   location: Ohio
id 8757443
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 Crazytrain101 (original poster member #48200) posted at 12:32 AM on Thursday, September 29th, 2022

Bluerthanblue,
I have told the saga of the past crazy things he's done to me to my attorney, I mailed out several letters to close family stating the same.

The police asked me just like my attorney if I can "prove" any of it--which of course I can't because he only does things that are "unproveable".

I'm basically a gray rock, I don't say or do anything to cause WH to get upset. We don't speak at all. I'm taking care of the kids and house, and working, pretty much the same as usual. Sweeping as it triggers him if the floors are not clean. Basically, placating and buffering to keep the peace.

WH stays in the bedroom all night, locked in, watching his TV and keeping a low profile.

I carry my gun on me, thank goodness for cooler weather so I can hide it from the kids, I sleep with it next to my bed.

Of course I check everything I eat & drink. My car should be safe as I drive the kids everywhere in it.

I'm not sure what else I can do, I know WH is waiting for me to catch him acting irratic so I can throw him out so I'm ready with my phone too. I know he does NOT want to move out since he has all his work equipment here (he can't just move into an apartment or anything) so I am praying it keeps him straight.

My attorney has said this likely will be a 2 to 3 year process so I need to continue to learn to live like this.

6 years ago-found out he was a serial cheaterReconciled-2015 Back again September 2022 as WH is a cheater again Heading to Divorce

posts: 1768   ·   registered: Jun. 10th, 2015   ·   location: Ohio
id 8757444
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 Crazytrain101 (original poster member #48200) posted at 12:38 AM on Thursday, September 29th, 2022

Homewrecked2011,
I check the house regularly and never hold any super important ones anywhere near my house. I talk casually to friends always outside.

I'm definitely waiting for himn to slip up, my attorney is ready to get him out as soon as possible when I can get something recorded, so far nothing though.

I have not said anything to him as far as my kids counseling goes, WH has checked and re-checked my phone bills, so "hopefully" he saw my long conversation to the local domestic abuse center as well. That might give him some cause for alarm hopefully.

6 years ago-found out he was a serial cheaterReconciled-2015 Back again September 2022 as WH is a cheater again Heading to Divorce

posts: 1768   ·   registered: Jun. 10th, 2015   ·   location: Ohio
id 8757446
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 Crazytrain101 (original poster member #48200) posted at 12:44 AM on Thursday, September 29th, 2022

Hellfire, WH is very deliberate with his actions and he is very unhinged. My Mom expressed the same and just said, give him 50/50 and run. I can't honestly say that even in a 50/50 split although I have ALL the proof to win the 75/25 he won't lose his shit.

I am just hoping before it gets that far I can get him out, the police & my attorney are at a loss, it's his word against mine with the horrible things he's done to me over the years. No proof, no getting him arrested or out until I have solid evidence.

I have set up a few so hopefully I can catch him tampering with something in the kitchen. Until then it's a wait , watch and see.

No, it's not worth the risk for sure.

6 years ago-found out he was a serial cheaterReconciled-2015 Back again September 2022 as WH is a cheater again Heading to Divorce

posts: 1768   ·   registered: Jun. 10th, 2015   ·   location: Ohio
id 8757449
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HalfTime2017 ( member #64366) posted at 8:20 PM on Thursday, September 29th, 2022

Make sure your evidence is stored in a safe place outside of your home. Its best if at a friends home, or your other family members. Your WH may try to get his hands on the evidence and destroy it, so if you haven't already turned it all over to the attorney, do so, and keep a copy for yourself where he won't be able to get it.

The other thing you may want to do is to get the AP's to go ahead and give a statement to your attorney before they change their minds. You never know if someone will get cold feet when it comes to testifying in court, so at the very least, you will have their written or video testimony so that if they do change their mind, you already have that locked up. Just pay for it upfront with your attorney so that the APs don't have to pay for any representation since it will all get reimbursed by your WH anyway.

Good luck

posts: 1379   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2018   ·   location: Cali
id 8757554
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 Crazytrain101 (original poster member #48200) posted at 1:54 PM on Friday, September 30th, 2022

Halftime2017, yes! I have saved all the proof in a private email my attorneys have access too. Thank you for the advise on the AP's I asked my attorney and am waiting for a reply. My post-nuptial has multiple ways for the "proponderance of proof" electronic, texts, even being in possession of a burner phone so I don't actually need the AP's or my WH to admit an affair (although I have a few AP's that are dying to come testify).

I'm going to let my attorney handle that in a way that they suggest.

I have a picture of one OW kissing him in his sports car...apparently 30 somethings like to take pictures & videos of everything! SInce I for sure know he won't just admit and take the 75/25 lying down, my attorney is planning on showing him in court the first 6 pictures of them just sitting and smiling together and ask WH "who" she is, he'll probably say a friend and THEN hit him with the last one of them kissing.

The judge we're originally assigned to is my first D attorney (she became a judge) who wrote up the post-nuptial so she will have to recuse herself and the new judge assigned is a female judge who HATES infidelity laugh

I'm sure this will be a long process, which I'm not sad over since I likely can get my kids almost out the door before it's over---my attorney has suggested I don't drag it out as he believes my WH will start plunging his income and sabatoging his business for gain.

6 years ago-found out he was a serial cheaterReconciled-2015 Back again September 2022 as WH is a cheater again Heading to Divorce

posts: 1768   ·   registered: Jun. 10th, 2015   ·   location: Ohio
id 8757683
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WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 10:52 PM on Sunday, October 2nd, 2022

Crazytrain, you and I joined around the same time in 2015. I haven't read your most recent post in JFO (I don't spend much time there, not strong enough yet), but I remember you from years ago, and I always wondered what happened to you. My thoughts are as blunt as Hellfire's. Your STBX is one of the most dangerous I have seen here, or anywhere for that matter. Complete sadist. Please be careful.

In my experience, dealing with a similar personality in my WH, when he is quiet, it usually means he is up to something and doesn't want to be found out. Your STBX could be getting some kind of secret ducks in a row and doesn't want to tip you off. Pay attention. Stay on top of your financials. Make sure he isn't moving things around, or making them disappear.

Also, I just went through something similar with a post-nuptial agreement. FYI, your lawyer will not be able to surprise him with a photo in court. You must submit all exhibits to opposing council before any in court hearing, to give them an opportunity to prepare a defense/explanation. When he sees that photo, he could lose his shit and become violent. He could also realize he is beaten, and settle out of court. Decide what your bottom line is, financially and safety-wise, and be prepared.

Also my advice, do not put too much stock in the background of your judge. Nothing is a sure thing. Even all the evidence in the world. Ultimately, they are human, and make whatever decision they want to make. Please keep us posted about how you are doing.

Personally, I'm glad to see you're still with us. When you disappeared from SI, I feared the worst. Please stay safe. Stay level-headed and strong. I'm glad you are finally getting out of infidelity.

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4421   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8757983
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 3:00 PM on Monday, October 3rd, 2022

I would encourage you to put a camera in your kitchen, so you can monitor if he does anything to the food.
I would also put one in your bedroom, and one wherever your car is. I know you said it should be safe due to the kids, but we all know crazy don't rationalize. You may also get your proof you so desperately need that he intentionally does weird and harmful things.

Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 22 & 25
Married for 30 years now, was 16 at the time.
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 19608   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8758056
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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 5:32 PM on Monday, October 3rd, 2022

I said it on your other thread. You constantly downplay his sadistic actions. You are doing it again.

He doesn't care about the kids. HE DOESNT CARE ABOUT ANY OF YOU.

He will be very angry when he finds out he's going to lose in court. And when he is angry,he is more dangerous.

He will have NO PROBLEM harming the kids. None. He knows they are your world. What better way to hurt you,than hurt those kids.

Ok,so he puts something in the food that will cause them to be sick,and not cause them to die. He will gleefully let you know it was him,but you won't be able to prove it.

He's dangerous. Extremely so.

Stop thinking he loves the kids. He does not love the kids. Hell,he's already emotionally abusing them.

posts: 4854   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8758076
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 Crazytrain101 (original poster member #48200) posted at 1:40 PM on Tuesday, October 4th, 2022

Whothebleep,
Yes this sh88 show original air date was 2015, I think fully over the years of the things WH has done to me I've compartmentalized just how absolutely horrendous those things are. I've likely normalized them as a mechanism to stay around just to raise the kids.

WH is badly damaged, a combination of NPD, sadistic, buliemic and who knows what else.

As far as finacials goes we have mostly seperate accounts, the biggest issue my attorney is working on is a large sum of cash $150,000 plus that is in our safe that WH has blocked my access with parking his truck to close to and taking his keys daily. My post-nuptual says I have access to. My attorney has figured WH has hidden that cash, I have pictures of all the cash so if he dissipates it WH will likely have to "prove" where it all went in the last 3 months, I'm assuming the burden of proof of spending will be on WH. We are self-employed so every receipt is kept.

Just not sure how that will all go down and not looking forward to the time when WH is required to make the proof appear.

I'd love to hear your experience with your post-nuptial, the whole thing is so complicated, I have probably 80 screen shots of conversations between the AP's, a few calling him out through video on a social media site,both my children seeing him with a burner phone (also in the post-nuptial as being a deal breaker) hotel receipts and a picture of him kissing a AP in HIS sports car. Also I'm requesting his credit card statements which will show his car rentals, more hotel stays etc.

In totality it's very incriminating. My wording in the post-nuptual states that the "proponderance of proof" must just show that it is more likely then not infidelity has occurred. I would safely say that a judge would be hard pressed to not look at the totality and not rule in my favor.

I apreciate the knowledge you've given me on the evidence being sent to WH & his attorney first-WH only knows I have a "very small" amount of infidelity evidence since WH went into my email before I locked down the computer and forwarded himself what I had sent to my attornery. I am possibly thinking from what I sent by email to my attorney he "thinks" it's NOT very incriminating so it's very possible that WH is feeling very confident. WH does NOT know about the undeniable proof by any means.

Also, since the D has been filed, I think WH has put a man up to luring out to a home (I'm in the business of showing homes) to possibly photograph me entering/coming out of a home with this mystery man. I of course did NOT fall for that bait. WH has zero on me even if he wanted to try to fabricate some cheating on my part. Said man, called from a private number and was demanding I meet him after dark at this property. Oh heck no!


I firmly believe the most dangerous time in this divorce will be after there is a ruling on the post-nuptual agreement and IF it goes in my favor. I think right now WH is cruising along in his mind thinking it's going to be 50/50 and he's expressed he's okay with that outcome. A 75/25 might be WH's undoing as the children have caught him walking around with his burner phone (STILL?!?!?) and calling the kids liars and saying that is not what they are seeing. I personally can't wrap my head around the fact that he's still willing to be so careless. Just by having the burner phone and my kids testifying to it is enough to bust the post-nuptual in my favor!!

I can't understand his cavalier attitude, does he think after years of getting away with the lies and affairs that he's living in this alternate universe where he is never going to be held accountable?

6 years ago-found out he was a serial cheaterReconciled-2015 Back again September 2022 as WH is a cheater again Heading to Divorce

posts: 1768   ·   registered: Jun. 10th, 2015   ·   location: Ohio
id 8758154
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 Crazytrain101 (original poster member #48200) posted at 1:56 PM on Tuesday, October 4th, 2022

Hellfire, I know I'm playing with fire with WH, I know he loves no one and even his own kids. I have so hoped he would have messed up by now and I could get him out of the house. I am planning on setting up several cameras and hoping beyond hope I can catch something that can get him thrown out during the process.

I have told my attorney, he actually lives a 1/2 mile down the road and is proceeding as lightly as possible for everyones sake although that cannot last forever in this process with the post-nuptual.

My Mom has mirrored your sentiments as she too all well knows how unstable WH is, she has also said to be extra careful as he would hurt the kids in order to pay me back. The kids are slowly starting to back off emotionally from him, he gaslights them about the burner phone, stays locked up in his room nightly ignoring them I 100% know WH is witnessing them fully seeing HIM for what he is. WH has done that on his own as I have just encouraged them to be respectful and to treat him how they would like to be treated.

I am just heavily monitoring him, The kids in therapy have given them both some confidence and in their little hearts some protection from his mental abuse, what I can't protect is anything else that can happen here. I can't even say in a 50/50 split and the kids slowly backing away from WH if this is a safe situation.

I'm just at a complete and total loss except keeping everyone safe as I possibly can, I never leave them home alone with him ever.

6 years ago-found out he was a serial cheaterReconciled-2015 Back again September 2022 as WH is a cheater again Heading to Divorce

posts: 1768   ·   registered: Jun. 10th, 2015   ·   location: Ohio
id 8758156
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 Crazytrain101 (original poster member #48200) posted at 1:59 PM on Tuesday, October 4th, 2022

Tushnurse, I am currently setting up cameras in every room where I can hide them safely. I had one in our bathroom which finally confirmed what I've known but could never prove that WH is a buliemic. Not a pretty sight to have witnessed.

I will continue to get my security in place and watch for anything I can use to get him out of the house.

6 years ago-found out he was a serial cheaterReconciled-2015 Back again September 2022 as WH is a cheater again Heading to Divorce

posts: 1768   ·   registered: Jun. 10th, 2015   ·   location: Ohio
id 8758157
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