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Newest Member: Goku06

General :
Again, Exactly how Stupid Am I

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 NorthernMSB (original poster member #69725) posted at 7:17 PM on Thursday, September 22nd, 2022

Well,

I had a very insightful session with my IC.

I spoke to WH pretty candidly and we hashed out generally what a divorce would look like and showed him my spreadsheet (yes I am THAT person) with respect to division of assets etc. He was surprised how it all pans out and how fair the distribution is.

I spoke to my bank and it might be possible to transfer the mortgage (and title) from both of us to just me with no penalty if he has no issues with it. The distribution of assets I showed him means he doesn't get a pay out from the house which can make it tricky to transfer (if there is an argument).

I think for the very first time he is catching a glimpse of the cost of his actions. He will be 58 years old and all alone. No wife, marriage, kids, potential grand babies or anything. My IC thinks that is fucking tragic (although completely what he deserves) that someone would throw all that away for a cheap thrill or to feel like the man for a couple minutes. Stupid.

That is my update so far, working at it.

Me: BW-54
Him-WH-58

Too many Ddays now to count, all with the same LTAP ex-girlfriend (or I guess current) except the brief fling November 2018-Christmas Eve 2018 with another ex-girlfriend

I'm tired

posts: 450   路   registered: Feb. 10th, 2019
id 8756562
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 8:51 PM on Thursday, September 22nd, 2022

He blocked her? Sure he did 馃お

He needs to stop pretending to be a guy who cares about you. He doesn鈥檛. Never did.

Glad you are moving forward. You deserve better.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 12497   路   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8756572
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stubbornft ( member #49614) posted at 9:25 PM on Thursday, September 22nd, 2022

Keep working on it. Life is better for you without this abuser.

Me: BS 40 Him: WS 51 He cheated with massage parlor sex workersDday 01/19/2021
Kicked him out in 2021 - life is better on the other side. Moved on with the help of a wonderful therapist.

posts: 829   路   registered: Sep. 14th, 2015   路   location: TX
id 8756573
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 NorthernMSB (original poster member #69725) posted at 11:47 PM on Thursday, September 22nd, 2022

The 1st Wife. He actually did block her. On everything. But he can certainly unblock her.

Me: BW-54
Him-WH-58

Too many Ddays now to count, all with the same LTAP ex-girlfriend (or I guess current) except the brief fling November 2018-Christmas Eve 2018 with another ex-girlfriend

I'm tired

posts: 450   路   registered: Feb. 10th, 2019
id 8756591
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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 12:30 AM on Friday, September 23rd, 2022

Just as he pretended before, he's pretending again.

He has a burner phone.

posts: 4655   路   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   路   location: The Midwest
id 8756595
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 NorthernMSB (original poster member #69725) posted at 1:12 AM on Friday, September 23rd, 2022

Hellfire No, he doesn't have a burner phone. lol The man is an asshole and a cheater but he isn't invested enough with this woman or anyone else to put anything other than a minimal effort into it. One thing I know for absolute certain is there is no burner phone; THAT would be way too much work. grin

No, he's perfectly happy messaging on Facebook and texting.

Me: BW-54
Him-WH-58

Too many Ddays now to count, all with the same LTAP ex-girlfriend (or I guess current) except the brief fling November 2018-Christmas Eve 2018 with another ex-girlfriend

I'm tired

posts: 450   路   registered: Feb. 10th, 2019
id 8756603
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Solarchick ( member #80222) posted at 3:51 AM on Friday, September 23rd, 2022

Kudos to you on your progress!

Getting everything into a spreadsheet proves you are one smart cookie and not stupid at all. (If I could date Excel, I would.)

I'm so sorry you ended up married to a complete asshat. You truly deserve someone so much better.

Me: BW, 56, two awesome grown sons. Remarried in 2010. That lasted 11 years.
WXH: Not even a blip on my radar anymore. I'm glad he's messing up the OW's life now and leaving me alone.
D (with cause) in 2004.

posts: 83   路   registered: Apr. 11th, 2022   路   location: Hilton Head, SC
id 8756620
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nekonamida ( member #42956) posted at 5:11 PM on Friday, September 23rd, 2022

No, he's perfectly happy messaging on Facebook and texting.

Yep, probably unblocked her to tell her about how he's now single and things just didn't work out with you. Or he's got someone new to chat up. For someone who made things so difficult for you until this point, he sure seems fine with letting this go. There's a reason why but at least it's no longer your problem. Let's hope this continues all the way through.

posts: 5160   路   registered: Mar. 31st, 2014   路   location: United States
id 8756776
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EvenKeel ( member #24210) posted at 5:55 PM on Friday, September 23rd, 2022

While I know seeing those chat showing they are still in communication really hurts, I always took that sort of thing as a sign to confirm what I needed to do!

Each time my heart tugged a big during the D, it seemed I got a new tidbit that validated to keep on the path I was on.

As for the division of items for the D, I took the stance of whatever was meant to be...would. IE the house came from my family but we had a mortgage against it. I decided I was going even if I had to walk away with the clothes on my back and my children. It worked out that my ex signed off on the house and I was able to re-mortgage but I was prepared either way.

I am so glad you got good folks in your corner on this new phase of your life.

While it is a sad chapter...so much peace comes with it.

posts: 6761   路   registered: May. 31st, 2009   路   location: Pennsylvania
id 8756784
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 NorthernMSB (original poster member #69725) posted at 6:35 PM on Friday, September 23rd, 2022

He is certainly not letting go; he has NO idea that I am quietly doing my own thing. Everything is normal for him...and she is still blocked.

smile

I'm not pulling the plug until everything is in place. And his father is having bladder cancer surgery on Tuesday, not going to throw any stress on that for sure.

[This message edited by NorthernMSB at 6:37 PM, Friday, September 23rd]

Me: BW-54
Him-WH-58

Too many Ddays now to count, all with the same LTAP ex-girlfriend (or I guess current) except the brief fling November 2018-Christmas Eve 2018 with another ex-girlfriend

I'm tired

posts: 450   路   registered: Feb. 10th, 2019
id 8756789
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