SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Well,

I had a very insightful session with my IC.

I spoke to WH pretty candidly and we hashed out generally what a divorce would look like and showed him my spreadsheet (yes I am THAT person) with respect to division of assets etc. He was surprised how it all pans out and how fair the distribution is.

I spoke to my bank and it might be possible to transfer the mortgage (and title) from both of us to just me with no penalty if he has no issues with it. The distribution of assets I showed him means he doesn't get a pay out from the house which can make it tricky to transfer (if there is an argument).

I think for the very first time he is catching a glimpse of the cost of his actions. He will be 58 years old and all alone. No wife, marriage, kids, potential grand babies or anything. My IC thinks that is fucking tragic (although completely what he deserves) that someone would throw all that away for a cheap thrill or to feel like the man for a couple minutes. Stupid.

That is my update so far, working at it.

He blocked her? Sure he did 🤪

He needs to stop pretending to be a guy who cares about you. He doesn’t. Never did.

Glad you are moving forward. You deserve better.

Keep working on it. Life is better for you without this abuser.

The 1st Wife. He actually did block her. On everything. But he can certainly unblock her.

Just as he pretended before, he's pretending again.

He has a burner phone.

Hellfire No, he doesn't have a burner phone. lol The man is an asshole and a cheater but he isn't invested enough with this woman or anyone else to put anything other than a minimal effort into it. One thing I know for absolute certain is there is no burner phone; THAT would be way too much work.

No, he's perfectly happy messaging on Facebook and texting.

Kudos to you on your progress!

Getting everything into a spreadsheet proves you are one smart cookie and not stupid at all. (If I could date Excel, I would.)

I'm so sorry you ended up married to a complete asshat. You truly deserve someone so much better.

No, he's perfectly happy messaging on Facebook and texting.

Yep, probably unblocked her to tell her about how he's now single and things just didn't work out with you. Or he's got someone new to chat up. For someone who made things so difficult for you until this point, he sure seems fine with letting this go. There's a reason why but at least it's no longer your problem. Let's hope this continues all the way through.

While I know seeing those chat showing they are still in communication really hurts, I always took that sort of thing as a sign to confirm what I needed to do!

Each time my heart tugged a big during the D, it seemed I got a new tidbit that validated to keep on the path I was on.

As for the division of items for the D, I took the stance of whatever was meant to be...would. IE the house came from my family but we had a mortgage against it. I decided I was going even if I had to walk away with the clothes on my back and my children. It worked out that my ex signed off on the house and I was able to re-mortgage but I was prepared either way.

I am so glad you got good folks in your corner on this new phase of your life.

While it is a sad chapter...so much peace comes with it.

He is certainly not letting go; he has NO idea that I am quietly doing my own thing. Everything is normal for him...and she is still blocked.

I'm not pulling the plug until everything is in place. And his father is having bladder cancer surgery on Tuesday, not going to throw any stress on that for sure.

[This message edited by NorthernMSB at 6:37 PM, Friday, September 23rd]

Just popping in to let you know I'm hoping everything went as well as could be expected with your fil's surgery and that you're still doing OK with your plans.

Talk to us anytime.

But he can certainly unblock her.

That was my point. So he blocked her. He can certainly unblock, text, and block again.

Or he can just look for another AP.

Whatever……..he is who he is. And it doesn’t appear as though he’s likely to change.

Northern, I follow a blog of a woman your age who was moving with her husband to Fl and leave behind the cold weather. They were to put their house for sale when he told her he was leaving her for his high school romance. He moved to Fl leaving her behind. He died of Covid by himself and his body was not discovered for three days. The bs was told about a month later. She has no idea why he was alone. She wrote that if he had stayed with her he would be alive. Karma hit him big time.

This is not to wish death to your ws but to let you know that if he rides off into the sunset he might get a flat tire. Life is not going to be twinkly lights and fairy dust for him. Plain old every day life is what he will have.

You, on the other hand, will have freedom from a lying cheater.

Cooley2here. Is it wrong when I read your story I snorted with a wee bit of serves-him-right-laughter?? karma is going to get me if I'm not careful!

FIL surgery went fine; my sister had surgery the same day across the country (complete shoulder replacement), she did well, too.

I am moving forward with my own plans and things are ok.

I'm kind of blah right now. Not like me in the glorious fall weather, just sad I guess.

Thanks for checking in with me. :-)

Northern, I felt the same way. Be careful what you wish for.
She has made a great life for herself. She moved to New England, has great family support, made new friends, found a fun way to make extra money, has a new "boyfriend", and a great new hobby.
I think making the decision to sell her house and move helped more than anything. She never posts about her ex anymore. She really has moved on.