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Newest Member: trustingyou

New Beginnings :
Anyone have something amazing happen to them that that would never have happened if you hadn't started over

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 Shehawk (original poster member #68741) posted at 1:07 AM on Wednesday, August 31st, 2022

WH refused to leave the country for decades with no known valid legitimate reason. Not afraid of flying. In fact the opposite. I don't rent him the space in my head to question why anymore...but...

Funny thing...Maybe what people call Karma?

I am taking a no cost to me trip to Europe. On his birthday (not intentionally, it just happened that I had a no cost to me ticket and place to stay in that day).

"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!

posts: 1030   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2018   ·   location: VA
id 8753054
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 2:03 AM on Wednesday, August 31st, 2022

I spent 3 weeks in SE Asia- he would not go to SE Asia. I got my masters degree - he would have never picked up the slack to help me get a 2nd degree even though I did it for him. I got 2 cats - he would only allow one. I got a house with a pool- he said they were too much work (I just hired a pool guy).

I’m going to Paris in a little while to take it back- we went there while he was in his A and he was a jerk the whole time. Taking back one of my favorite cities.

I shed the shackles that I allowed and am now living my life the way I want. It is really good.

Me: BS 55 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4987   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8753065
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 Shehawk (original poster member #68741) posted at 2:15 AM on Wednesday, August 31st, 2022

Way to go Bearly!

Congrats on the degree, the trips, and the cats!! WTG

"he was a jerk the whole time. "


Are you sure we were not married to the same man?

I was going to type that WH always did something to make every trip miserable...

but being with him was particularly hellacious when he was in an affair (which apparently from people who have been coming out and telling me things after the fact was probably most of our 3 plus decade M)

No joke. WH told me that he divorced me because I had pets (while all along he would apparently pretend he liked animals?)

"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!

posts: 1030   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2018   ·   location: VA
id 8753070
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 Shehawk (original poster member #68741) posted at 2:18 AM on Wednesday, August 31st, 2022

And about the pool...way to go on that too Bearly.

It is honestly shocking to me how much of an energy suck WH. A pool person and even a pool would be a whole lot less expensive than WH was. And a whole lot more fun 😂😂

"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!

posts: 1030   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2018   ·   location: VA
id 8753071
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nothisfriend ( member #53171) posted at 3:14 PM on Wednesday, August 31st, 2022

I own my home. Actually am on my second home since divorcing; I upgraded after 5 years of realizing I can support myself and save money. He was such a drain on our finances.

Me: BS 50 (at the time)
Him: WH 53 (at the time)
D-Day: 10/25/15
Married: 5/14/1988
One son, age 18 (at the time)
D final 9/13/16

posts: 1273   ·   registered: May. 11th, 2016   ·   location: Illinois
id 8753122
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twicefooled ( member #42976) posted at 6:49 PM on Wednesday, August 31st, 2022

Great question!

We never had enough money to go around when I was married to my ex (he had addiction issues, which lead to his infidelity and lack of savings). When I moved out with our 2 kiddos (they were young), I ALWAYS had money for what was needed even though I only brought in half of the money. Now I have a healthy savings that no one but me gets to touch :)

I also started my own business at one point, which lead to my current career opportunity. Had I stayed with my ex, I would not have had the emotional and intellectual bandwidth to do either job.

I am also in the first healthy relationship that I've ever had. We just celebrated our 2 yr anniversary. That is probably the biggest thing that I'm grateful for - the opportunity to show my children what a healthy relationship looks like.

May 29 2021 ***reclaimed myself and decided to delete my story with my ex because I'm now 7 years free from him and mentally healthier than I've been in years.

*********When you know better, you can do better*************

posts: 476   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2014
id 8753181
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Charity411 ( member #41033) posted at 7:34 PM on Wednesday, August 31st, 2022

He left me for OW when we lived in a beautiful historic small city running a Bed & Breakfast. We were in the middle of planning a trip to England, which was our dream. I was forced to sell the B&B and move back to where we came from because there weren't many full time jobs that would pay enough for me to survive in a town driven by tourism.

Five years later, after struggling to make ends meet where I hated living, I got a full time job working for that beautiful city, and my daughter and I moved back. After almost 25 years as their Finance Director I retired 4 months ago with a full pension. And I've been to England twice. He never got to go. He also never got to retire before he died two weeks ago.

posts: 1639   ·   registered: Oct. 18th, 2013   ·   location: Illinois
id 8753197
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Solarchick ( member #80222) posted at 7:40 PM on Wednesday, August 31st, 2022

WOW Charity, talk about the karma bus! shocked


I got sober. I had to in order to survive the escape of that horrible horrible marriage. Life has been amazing since then. 17.5 years of amazing, and I'm grateful for each and every day of it.

Me: BW, 56, two awesome grown sons. Remarried in 2010. That lasted 11 years.WXH: Not even a blip on my radar anymore. I'm glad he's messing up the OW's life now and leaving me alone. D (with cause) in 2004.

posts: 91   ·   registered: Apr. 11th, 2022   ·   location: Hilton Head, SC
id 8753201
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GraceLove ( member #59212) posted at 4:34 AM on Thursday, September 1st, 2022

Great question!
Where to begin?
Travelled to Spain, moved to another country, bought a NEW car (he's buying a used one), living in a great space, decorated in a boho, colourful, creative way, had a great relationship that was healthy with a younger man for 2 years, great relationship with my kids, socialize all I want, whenever I want, have done public speaking gigs in front of thousands of people, have been in a movie (total bucket list stuff!), met tons of new people and have made great new friends. I can go on and on. Divorce was at the time, the WORST trauma ever, and it was the BEST thing that ever happened to me. Eternally grateful!!

posts: 288   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2017
id 8753281
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nutmegkitty ( member #33882) posted at 10:44 PM on Friday, September 2nd, 2022

Pretty much my whole life since divorcing and moving on from WH. Don’t get me wrong, it took a loooong time to heal. But 11 years later I’m in a great place.

Me - happy!
2 DDs

Very happily divorced from an NPD since 2013.

posts: 4399   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2011   ·   location: MA
id 8753636
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crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 11:02 PM on Wednesday, September 7th, 2022

I wouldn't have gotten myself back if I had not started over again or the peace of mind and happiness I feel now on a daily basis. The bonus is the person I have been seeing for these last 10 months who has really given me such a better and more positive outlook on relationships and what a healthy relationship looks like.

fBS/fWS(me):49 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:51 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(19) DS(16)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorcing

posts: 8339   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8754256
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BrokenheartedUK ( member #43520) posted at 12:25 AM on Thursday, September 8th, 2022

My life is SO MUCH BETTER now that toxic, terrible marriage is behind me.

I moved back to my homeland, to a city I love, got my MSW, am working in a fantastic new career, launched 3 kids single handedly, got a gorgeous rescue dog, am cohabiting with my boyfriend who’s also my best friend and am happier, more fulfilled and satisfied than I ever was married to my X. In fact the only black mark is when I recall how it took my ex’s A to break me out of that marital jail. I’m almost 8 years out from Dday, and my life has never been better. I wish it didn’t take all that drama and heartbreak to get me here but I’m living my best life.

Me: BS
He cheated and then lied. Apparently cheaters lie. Huh. 13 months of false R. Divorced! 8/16 3 teenage kids
"The barn's burnt down
Now
I can see the moon"
-Mizuta Masahide

posts: 3359   ·   registered: May. 24th, 2014
id 8754274
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hcsv ( member #51813) posted at 1:15 AM on Thursday, September 8th, 2022

Love hearing everyone's post divorce adventures.

When my youngest went to college I wanted to go back to school after 20 years of being a SAHM. Ex told me I was too old and it wasn't worth it.

One year after divorce I became a licensed practical nurse and two years later I became a register nurse. I was 61 at that time. Loving it!!

After 40 years, ex turned into someone I didnt know and couldnt trust anymore. Divorced. 1/17

posts: 728   ·   registered: Feb. 14th, 2016
id 8754283
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deena04 ( member #41741) posted at 6:33 AM on Thursday, September 8th, 2022

Yes! I discovered who I was and learned how to go after my dreams. I would not have done that had I stayed with him. I’m stronger even if the reason that led me to get there sucks. I don’t feel sorry for myself now but I definitely feel sorry for him for allowing himself to be that way. Now I am happy!

Me FBS 40s, Him XWS older than me (lovemywife4ever), D, He cheated before M, forgot to tell me. I’m free and loving life.

posts: 3218   ·   registered: Dec. 22nd, 2013   ·   location: Midwest
id 8754309
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