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Wayward Side :
Triggers on TV - Is there anything on Netflix that does not involve infidelity?

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 Bulcy (original poster member #74034) posted at 7:15 PM on Wednesday, August 10th, 2022

It's something we've spoken about on a few threads. EVERY TV series seems to have infidelity...Even Young Sheldon FFS!

Can anyone recommend anything to watch out there which is trigger safe?

WH (40's) Me. Emotional affair (2017), Physical affair (2003) and online affairs, Two physical affairs (2000). D-Day's 2003, August '17, multiple discoveries through 2018,19 and 20, Jan 21 and 2022

posts: 245   ·   registered: Mar. 12th, 2020   ·   location: UK
id 8749912
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DaddyDom ( member #56960) posted at 7:47 PM on Wednesday, August 10th, 2022

I just want to commiserate. I remember that shortly after D-day, we also had problems finding something, anything to watch that didn't have a thread about infidelity in it. So I turned on "Chopped" which is a cooking competition on Food Network. I mean, it's a show about chef's and food, right? Pretty safe, no?

Of course, as they are interviewing the chefs, one lady starts in about how she's here to compete because her wife just cheated on her and she wants to prove blah blah blah... my point being, if the TV is on, it's about infidelity.

Try Star Trek, that's safe.

[This message edited by DaddyDom at 12:49 AM, Thursday, August 11th]

Me: WS
BS: ISurvivedSoFar
D-Day Nov '16
Status: Reconciling
"I am floored by the amount of grace and love she has shown me in choosing to stay and fight for our marriage. I took everything from her, and yet she chose to forgive me."

posts: 1321   ·   registered: Jan. 18th, 2017
id 8749917
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ShockedAndShattered ( member #79685) posted at 9:02 PM on Wednesday, August 10th, 2022

Hi Bulcy,

I'm a BS but I just wanted to let you know I feel you. It's hard. Do you like Marvel or Star Wars movies/shows? They seem to be safe.

Best of luck to you. Seeing Waywards like you and DaddyDom take ownership and work hard to be better make me feel hopeful for my own situation no matter how dire it seems.

I wish you peace.

BS(me):42 WH:43
DDay 1- 9/11/21 EA 5+ yrs & lies TT
DDay 2- 9/23/21 EA 2+ years & lies TT
DDay 3- 10/17/21 EAs 1.5 yrs/5+ yrs TT
DDay 4- 4/11/22 Conf PA w/1 EA
DDay 5- 8/2/22 Failed Poly
DDay 6- 8/7/22 Whatever...

posts: 53   ·   registered: Dec. 17th, 2021
id 8749935
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ShockedAndShattered ( member #79685) posted at 9:05 PM on Wednesday, August 10th, 2022

DaddyDom,

Do you counsel Waywards? My WH reads your posts and says that they resonate deeply with him. I wish I could hire you.

Thank you for the honesty and bravery in your posts. You give me hope.

Wishing you peace as well.

BS(me):42 WH:43
DDay 1- 9/11/21 EA 5+ yrs & lies TT
DDay 2- 9/23/21 EA 2+ years & lies TT
DDay 3- 10/17/21 EAs 1.5 yrs/5+ yrs TT
DDay 4- 4/11/22 Conf PA w/1 EA
DDay 5- 8/2/22 Failed Poly
DDay 6- 8/7/22 Whatever...

posts: 53   ·   registered: Dec. 17th, 2021
id 8749936
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ff4152 ( member #55404) posted at 9:34 PM on Wednesday, August 10th, 2022

It’s truly mind blowing how many shows have infidelity in them. Even worse is how they portray it. Star crossed lovers, the BS somehow deserved it or the impact is completely minimized. It makes watching TV incredibly difficult.

Me -FWS

posts: 1984   ·   registered: Sep. 30th, 2016
id 8749942
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Dkt3 ( member #75072) posted at 11:03 PM on Wednesday, August 10th, 2022

This is very true. However, when someone does step up and show infidelities for how destructive they can be people don't watch.

I believe its because so many fantasize about the passion they feel is missing, usually do to the lack of effort. So seeing the whole affair, all the ugly and hurt isn't appealing.

posts: 111   ·   registered: Aug. 3rd, 2020
id 8749951
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veryconfused ( member #56933) posted at 2:38 AM on Thursday, August 11th, 2022

We watched the good witch on Netflix. Otherwise, we watch Good Eats, some cooking show, or Disney movies with the kids.

Even though it is six years later, I still have a hard time with emotional regulation so I have to stay away from the heavier shows.

posts: 264   ·   registered: Jan. 16th, 2017   ·   location: Mid West
id 8749974
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straightup ( member #78778) posted at 11:44 AM on Thursday, August 11th, 2022

My wife and I were watching Dickinson on Amazon. It got to a bit were Emily Dickson was having an affair with her brother’s wife. It was a whole plot line. It seemed gratuitous and cruel, and my teenage daughter was in the room too. I left, my wife kept watching. I refused to watch any more. She watched another episode too but had the good sense to let it go then.

I like the poet. I think the young actor who plays her is great. But I think the script writers ruined a good thing.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
Mother Teresa

posts: 173   ·   registered: May. 11th, 2021   ·   location: Australia
id 8749994
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Hippo16 ( member #52440) posted at 12:15 PM on Thursday, August 11th, 2022

BBC Nature Shows - mostly hosted by Sir David Attenborough OM

Smithsonian - appear on many different satellite channels. Some of them are (to me) clearly not worth watching - like anything to do with "the Windsors"

Life has enough drama you can not avoid - why the hxxx do people want to watch that crap ON PURPOSE?

There is a series showing how food factories (or whatever you call them) make their products. Very informative. So far haven't seen any infidelity stuff in any of them. grin

Not Just Friends

posts: 686   ·   registered: Mar. 26th, 2016   ·   location: OBX
id 8749997
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src9043 ( member #75367) posted at 6:57 PM on Thursday, August 11th, 2022

It has been decades since I was in a cheating marriage. Everything triggered me back then. I hated "The English Patient." I couldn't believe that I went to the theatre to see that pile of shit. I was with my brother and sister-in-law. I was upset that they did not warn me of the content of that movie. Same with "The Bridges of Madison County." I recently followed the sit-com of "The United States of Al." Its main theme at the end was the infidelity that existed between the separated ex-wife who was in another relationship and the soon-to-be-ex-husband. I was amazed how little it triggered me but it has been decades since I was a BS. But it deserved to be cancelled for having to go to such a demented place in order to save itself.

I found the Lisa Page affair especially triggering. I cannot believe that her husband has stood by his WW especially after it being so public. I try not to pass judgement but I just can't process it. I began to do research on why he stayed and whether the two were still together. That research led me to SI and other similar web sites. I had no idea they existed. I wish I had access to such resources back many years ago. All I had was an enabling, rug sweeping, incompetent marriage counselor. I was young, naive, and scared.

[This message edited by src9043 at 7:01 PM, Thursday, August 11th]

posts: 683   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2020
id 8750036
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EvolvingSoul ( member #29972) posted at 9:07 PM on Thursday, August 11th, 2022

The Dragon Prince smile

But it does have betrayal. It just the standard "evil villain clawing his way to more power" variety though.

One movie that has been ruined for me is The Truman Show. Brilliant film, but the "your life is just one big gaslight experience" has made it impossible to sit through. Ed Harris's portrayal of the gaslighter in chief is chilling. It's a great example of how someone can convince themselves and a lot of other people that what they are doing is okay, even a good thing for the victim, when in reality it's hurtful, harmful and immoral.

Me: WS (61)
Him: Shards (56)
D-day: June 6, 2010
Last voluntary AP contact: June 23, 2010
NC Letter sent: 3/9/11

We’re going to make it.

posts: 2545   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2010   ·   location: The far shore.
id 8750050
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SnowToArmPits ( member #50943) posted at 10:06 AM on Wednesday, August 31st, 2022

Two British series starring Martin Clunes: Doc Martin, and Manhunt (2019).

I don't think I've seen any cheating in the first two seasons of New Amsterdam (2018).

I can't remember any cheating in Bosch.

I haven't seen all the episodes, but no cheating in ones I've watched in All Creatures Great and Small (2020).

A couple of police-solving-murders series I just watched on BritBox Little Boy Blue, and, The Pembrokeshire Murders.

...I get your point OP, I had to think pretty hard to come up with this list.

posts: 513   ·   registered: Dec. 25th, 2015   ·   location: Canada
id 8753097
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src9043 ( member #75367) posted at 9:51 PM on Wednesday, August 31st, 2022

It would be instructive if someone produced a movie that showed the actual reality of infidelity as experienced primarily by the betrayed spouse. It could capture the suspicion, hurt, anger, fear, disillusionment, doubt, and uncertainty that a BS experiences. You could take the script from a number of stories posted on SI over the years that encompass the full dynamic of an affair, from the initial innocent interactions between two people to the ultimate destruction of all concerned in the wake of their cheating. Given that infidelity is extremely prevalent in society, I think a movie dedicated to the subject would be quite relevant and informative. Unless you are a BS, people just don't have any idea what we go through. If done properly, it could be a watershed moment. It could act as a check against the subtle glamorization and romance of infidelity presented in too many movies and T.V. shows.

[This message edited by src9043 at 9:52 PM, Wednesday, August 31st]

posts: 683   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2020
id 8753232
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 Bulcy (original poster member #74034) posted at 9:28 PM on Thursday, September 1st, 2022

An interesting idea src. I imagine it would have to be a made for TV drama as I doubt it will get huge cinema viewings. Maybe a story line in a decent soap?!?!? Something to get the true devastation of infidelity into mainstream media.

WH (40's) Me. Emotional affair (2017), Physical affair (2003) and online affairs, Two physical affairs (2000). D-Day's 2003, August '17, multiple discoveries through 2018,19 and 20, Jan 21 and 2022

posts: 245   ·   registered: Mar. 12th, 2020   ·   location: UK
id 8753371
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beauchateaux ( member #57201) posted at 1:54 PM on Monday, September 12th, 2022

It would be instructive if someone produced a movie that showed the actual reality of infidelity as experienced primarily by the betrayed spouse. It could capture the suspicion, hurt, anger, fear, disillusionment, doubt, and uncertainty that a BS experiences.

Honestly? It’s not specifically about infidelity but a great one that resonates with me is the movie Gaslight (oldie but goodie, Ingrid Bergman). The term was literally born from that story and became part of everyday language. Again, it’s not about cheating, but it is about sneaking around, manipulation and slowly but surely breaking down someone’s sense of sanity and faith in themselves.

It’s a chilling movie but Bergman acts the HELL out of her part as the Gaslight-ee, and the ending is everything.

I edit pretty much every post because I always hit submit and then think of 'one more thing' to say.

posts: 315   ·   registered: Jan. 31st, 2017   ·   location: Chicago
id 8754919
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pureheartkit ( member #62345) posted at 6:29 PM on Tuesday, October 25th, 2022

Yes it has been eating me for some time that shows are normalizing violence death and bad behavior to other humans. People say it's just pretend.....

Monkey see......we are social mimicking creatures.

The radio, the TV, the films.

Can we think of the world we want and build that? Are we to be forever in a prison built of our own shortcomings? What about kindness, cooperation, mutual respect. Geez the greed out there is staggering! People are gluttony for money, for power, for fame, for youth, for sex,for objects, for food, for anything the physical world can offer. It's all for sale.

How about turn off the TV. I like podcasts and chill out or relaxation videos. What about inspiring, uplifting music. What about time with pets. What about nature. What about dinner with friends. The answer to our problems is not on the TV. The TV is mostly lies anyway.

They profit off us and feed us trash. The worse it gets, the more people look. We have to say enough we want something better.

Thank you everyone for your wisdom and healing.

posts: 2507   ·   registered: Jan. 19th, 2018
id 8762075
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pureheartkit ( member #62345) posted at 10:29 PM on Wednesday, October 26th, 2022

Last night my sister talked me into watching the latest episode of the hospital TV series with the autistic doctor. Sure enough there's a scene where the Asian doctor is walking a date out to her Uber and she confesses she's married. " Don't hate me....we had fun" she says and the car pulls away.

Sister turns and says sorry.

Whatcha gonna do? Right after I commented on this and then there it is.

Thank you everyone for your wisdom and healing.

posts: 2507   ·   registered: Jan. 19th, 2018
id 8762282
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 Bulcy (original poster member #74034) posted at 9:26 PM on Sunday, October 30th, 2022

Yeah, It's hard enough when infidelity is on screen, but when it's minimised or joked about, that's when I find it really frustrating. In some cases we cannot watch any more of a series when infidelity raises its ugly head

WH (40's) Me. Emotional affair (2017), Physical affair (2003) and online affairs, Two physical affairs (2000). D-Day's 2003, August '17, multiple discoveries through 2018,19 and 20, Jan 21 and 2022

posts: 245   ·   registered: Mar. 12th, 2020   ·   location: UK
id 8762909
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ff4152 ( member #55404) posted at 10:21 PM on Sunday, October 30th, 2022

Part of the problem is how much society idolizes celebrities. Cheating is so commonplace and most relationships don’t late more than a few years. Athletes, politicians, movie stars etc. So many people are mindless sheep and believe anything that comes out of these folks mouths.

Entitled behavior, infidelity and general selfishness seem the norm. So of course it creeps into the media we consumed it becomes so commonplace, most don’t bat an eye.

Me -FWS

posts: 1984   ·   registered: Sep. 30th, 2016
id 8762914
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TX1995 ( member #58175) posted at 9:16 PM on Thursday, November 3rd, 2022

We watched a LOT of House Hunters and Food Network post DDay. Honestly, there are few "safe" shows out there. Sitcoms, dramas, "reality" are all full of infidelity storylines and most are done poorly making the cheater look good/righteous, the betrayed look crazy, or just acting like it's funny and no big deal. You are usually good with reality game shows like Amazing Race or Survivor or Top Chef. We loved Alone - pretty sure all back seasons are on Netflix. If you have HULU, the new show about Wrexham, The Good Nurse and The Patient are "safe."

All that to say, that I can watch most things by myself without triggering, strangely I trigger more when H is around. Also at this point (5.5 years post DDay 1) even then it is usually just a twinge of a bad feeling when I watch. If it's egregious, H will do something comforting, whether squeezing a hand, putting a hand on my chest (it's an anxiety thing) or leaning over to apologize and thank me for being there/letting him be there.

I'm the BS. WH had a 3 month EA/PA with a cOW. DDay was 4/17. Working on R. Married 15 years and together 20 at DDay.
DDay #2 and #3 6/19. Grew a conscience and admitted a full blown physical affair. Now in limbo.

posts: 1022   ·   registered: Apr. 6th, 2017   ·   location: Texas
id 8763475
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