As a cop I did a lot of first-responder work at trauma-sites. A key factor was offering calm and hope. Even if I was certain a person was bleeding to death I wouldn’t scream out "YOU ARE GOING TO DIE!" but do my best to staunch the bleeding and calm the person.
I've never noticed anyone screaming at a poster that they were going to die. Divorce also isn't death. Catastrophizing the possibility of ending a bad relationship isn't healthy or productive.
Some people here tend to encourage reconciliation, others tend to encourage divorce. This preference is obviously based on the posters' own experiences, and there is value in what both types of posters have to say. I've never seen either screaming at a BS or telling them their life is over. On the contrary, posters are typically supportive and affirming of a BS's ability to improve the situation, regardless of which advice they give.
Giving straightforward advice to a person with an unremorseful and/or serial cheater to get STD tested, get therapy, consult with a lawyer, and begin planning an independent life is not at all like screaming at a BS. On the contrary, it's simply sharing an effective path out of a bad situation. "You're bleeding, so here are the steps to take to stop the bleeding, heal yourself and not let this happen again."
The BS's who post here and receive the blunt replies telling them to take steps to leave are not with the remorseful WS's who are earnestly trying to do their part to repair the marriage. They are with WS's who are serial cheaters, and/or who seem to be currently still cheating, and/or are blatantly unremorseful, and/or are emotionally abusive, etc. These BS's often have low self-esteem and/or are very afraid for their marriage to end. Those of us who have been in their shoes and have come out on the other side after finally leaving are saying, "The way you are being treated is not acceptable. You deserve a better life. You can stand up for yourself and leave and be strong and have a better life. And that's not the end of the world- it's a new beginning."
That is a positive, affirming message, not a panicky one.
[This message edited by morningglory at 1:29 PM, Wednesday, July 13th]