5 years since DDay. My triggers range from very mild to severe.
Very mild are more like reminders to which I react with just "meh". I have a brief feeling of disappointment, then I proceed to do or think whatever I was doing or thinking before. Example: cheating being mentioned in a movie.
Mild are those that cause some physical discomfort but no further reaction. Example: OW has a very common name that I have to say at loud occasionally. I’m not comfortable doing that. I feel like my heart tightens a bit every time I have to mention someone who has the same name, or I read / hear that name.
Moderate triggers are those that make me think about the betrayal a bit more. I remember some specific thing about the betrayal, I feel sadness, disappointment, and like I just want to hide from the world. Maybe I cry a little. Example: usually stuff that is specific to my story, certain song lyrics, certain activities, memories, photos and similar.
And then severe are the those that really hit me and cause uncontrolled burst of emotions. They make me think about the betrayal, I’m reminded of the questions I still have, of what I feel that I don’t know. My fears resurface and I’m imagining all sorts of scenarios and go through the "evidence" I have (I don’t have much) in a desperate attempt to make sense of the information I have. It’s hard to give an example as that can be anything that provokes a thought in my head that my WS did not tell me the full story.
How severe a trigger will be depends a lot on my mental state at that moment. If I’m happy and things are going well in my life, triggers will usually just go to the "meh" category.
I also believe WS behavior is a big factor. My WS was lying, minimizing, and giving me trickle-truths for years after DDay. No wonder I now don’t know what to believe in. As for him "getting it", I do think he understands to a certain degree, but probably not fully. The other day we were talking about triggers and stuff and he said that he doesn’t understand how can people allow triggers to affect them years and even decades after. I understand that we think differently, but his insensitivity, lack of empathy and emotional intelligence does not make things easier.
As for me, I’m tired of living like this. I’m tired of triggers and what they do to me. I found no efficient coping mechanisms, I don’t feel supported, and I basically lost hope that things will be better. Knowing myself, I will be one of those people who get triggered decades after betrayal and I don’t want to live that future.