This was written with haste - so my advance apologies for that.
A friend passed along this website on Friday night and I am SO GRATEFUL she did. I’ve been reading and hate that so many people go through this, but what a great community.
I’ll cut to the point because I have very little time left to confront my boyfriend and I desperately need your advice. I am a 41F, he is 41M (turning 42 on Thursday - in 2 days). I’ve never been married (engaged once) he is divorced, no kids for either of us.
First of all, I’m an American, living in London for the past 2 years. I have been suspecting for a while that my boyfriend was back on the dating apps – I kept seeing weird texts pop up from weird numbers with no contact info (he had a work and personal phone and said they were spam texts). And one day I saw a Tinder notification.
I JUST had a massive intestinal surgery on April 21, just got out of the hospital last week. He scheduled a work trip over this (to the US even) which pissed me off but I tried to see the positives in that I can heal while he’s away. Then he flies home in 2 days, we are taking a train for me to meet his parents for the first time, and his birthday is on Thursday. Then we were all supposed to vacation for 1 week together.
I made a fake Bumble profile and caught him. He swiped, he’s been "chatting" with the profile I made and I finally have all the proof I need. THE KICKER is just 2 weekends ago when I asked him about the apps, his reply, "Why would be on the apps and then take you to meet my parents??" So the manipulation is sooooo real.
He and I have still been texting and he thinks things are still normal between us. He even sent me a FORWARDED d--- video on WhatsApp - you can clearly see it's forwarded which means he sent it to another woman first. I want to vomit. (he got a little weird after that because i think he noticed it too - but i didn't let on)
I want to make him pay. I want him to have a birthday he will NEVER FORGET. I want him to think loooong and hard before ever doing this to another woman.
I am going to go on the trip – for one night. I have worked everything out with high-tailing it back home immediately afer I drop the bomb. I have printed everything off and am going to give it to him wrapped up as a present. In front of his parents. (I also got his parents a card explaining everything and how I was sorry to bring them into this, but explaining how upset I was, especially with the hospital, etc)
I know all of this sounds awful, and of course, it is. But I read a few times on here that you have to SHOCK the WS (even though he’s not a spouse) to get them to realize what they’ve done.
After this I will have blocked him on everything and submitted a report to Bumble regarding his cheating which will hopefully get him kicked off there.
I’m just looking for advice basically. My friends my age who have been through relationships with narcissists and cheating are cheering me on. But my younger friends who have never experienced this sort of pain are judging me pretty hardcore. I’m worried that probably all of you will tell me not to do this either. BUT I really want an epic ending that makes him think. And this is really my only option, unless I "get sick" before the trip, don’t go, carry on this façade for another ten or more days, and then he meets up with the fake girl in a few weeks, but instead it's me and my friends there to confront him.
But I physically and mentally can't carry this on for that long. I'm hoping someone might have a 'better' idea for me, or at the very least, tell me I'm not crazy for feeling this way and wanting to blow up his world and give him an unforgettable birthday.
*edited to add final 2 sentences
[This message edited by KeepsHappening at 1:27 PM, Tuesday, May 3rd]