First of all, thanks to everyone who has replied. I appreciate all the different voices and opinions I get. I had about 2 hours of sleep last night, cried quite a bit but have since calmed down enough to be functional again.
To those who opined that I should call the OBS, you're right. I am in the midst of writing an email to him. After which I plan to speak over the phone with him.
I just got off a video call with my H (oh and I don't only call the AP names, my H gets it so much worse. I've been calling him to his face things like, a piece of shit, dumbshit/dumbfuck (I like variety), pussy ass wimp, pathetic loser etc and I have used the f word so much since DD that I can't believe I can even swear so much!). Being a BS brings out the most foul side of me. Added with the anger, H has been getting insulted almost on a daily basis especially when I'm overcome with anger. I am definitely in a very dark place. For the record, I know my H is 100% to blame for making the choice to cheat. But that doesn't mean I don't hate that whore AP too. Them 2 mofos deserve to burn in hell for what they did, the murderers they are.
So the kids and I have been video calling him periodically the entire day. Nothing unusual so far. Ever since that little show where AP had to make her presence felt by going up to H to ask work-related questions, H said she hasn't approached him. I am surprised at this point but they are still there and there are still opportunities. And yes, if I look at it differently, it's a great way to gauge how H's response has been. He said he hasn't made eye contact or even looked her way, hanging out with his male coworkers. She approached 2 of his coworkers to say that she and her team mates were going to have lunch and if they were interested, they could join too. This was said at the lobby of the hotel while they got their room keys, in the presence of H who was standing just a short distance away. The invite was also meant for him but he said he couldn't be bothered going because he already knows what he's supposed to do. Snub. The new SOP from me is for him to only be courteous on a work basis to his female coworkers and to only hang with the guys. From what he has described, I think AP seems to be trying to seek attention, taking it upon herself to invite them when there were 11 other people in her team who could have done that. So, I can totally see how shameless she is now.
However, so far, it has been an anti climax especially since it started with her intentionally making contact. I was 100% sure she would have approached him but he said he has also been very intentional by avoiding her and not making contact. I have also spied on his phone the entire day. It is clear so far. So, I'm surprised but like I said, she may still make contact as she has another day to go before leaving. H is leaving the day after. On his part, just to ensure he completely avoids her, he has been holed up in his room the entire day, ordered room service and watched Netflix. Verified because kids and I have been randomly video calling him the entire day. Anyway, I told him if AP knocks on his door or calls him on the room phone, he has to video call me right away so that I can see how he's reacting. I don't trust him, I'd rather see it with my own eyes. He is agreeable.
Oh and yes, I've read all the posts on BS finding new info after 3, 4 years. That makes me fearful. But the reason why I'm not even 100% sure whether they had a PA or not is not because of gut feel. In fact, my gut seems to tell me they didn't. It's the trust issue. I just don't trust him anymore and doubts everything he says. Hence the not 100% sure.
On the issue of being in a dark place since everything is still so raw to me, I have many times wished that both of them were dead. Like I wish that if they don't die, they'd at least suffer miserably in life. They both don't deserve anything good in life for what they did. I'd think thoughts about how I wouldn't even bat an eyelid if AP accidentally gets run over by a car. That'd just be poetic justice. The same with H, the hatred for him and what he did is still there and if he got run over by a car and died, I'd be sad for the kids for losing their dad but I'd be ok otherwise I think. These are stupid wishes, but maybe if I willed them to happen, they would. Heck once I found out that they were on this travel pattern together yesterday, I started thinking about a plane crash. Dark, I know. And I've never been this way before but being betrayed brings about oh so many types of emotions that I never even knew existed or could be mixed altogether. Unprecedented. That's why I'm not the same person anymore and will never be the same again.
Which brings me to my next point. I wanted to start a new post on this for a while now but been trying to carve one out properly. I'll just include it here. By about the 3rd month post DD, when I was still deciding to either to R or D, while I was telling myself I need to stop crying already because I have cried like mad for a couple of months by then, a light clicked in my head. For the first time, it became so clear to me that I should R. Why? Because why should I get a D and be that struggling single parent with 2 young kids, while he will be free to do whatever he wants and fuck around? Why should I give him that freedom? He needs to pay and be punished for what he did. And who better than me to punish him, right? He owes it to me and the kids for life now and he has to pay for what he did. So I should stay. Even if it's just out of spite. Plus yes, I don't want to D because of my young kids. It's very twisted, the staying out of spite thing and my counselor said I have to work through that. But I know for a fact that I can't depend on anyone but myself for my happiness. So my challenge now is just to make sure the situation I've put myself in with him is liveable, in addition to just focus on myself and make myself happy. That is what I need to figure out. Not sure if it can even be done but hey, I didn't even know of so many emotions until I got smacked in the face by infidelity. So maybe I can be happy and spiteful at the same time. Never know. Of course, these will all come to nought if he suddenly decides that he wants a D. But for now, I know I have the upper hand.
Thanks for reading my rants, you guys. I'm exhausted from lack of sleep, so maybe my post actually sounds all cray. I appreciate all responses though.