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General :
Birthdays after becoming a bs suck

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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 7:35 PM on Saturday, November 27th, 2021

Ok birthdays in general suck, i hate getting older. But as a BS, it just feels less than it did before.

Yes its my birthday. I hate it. I'm baking my own fucking cake. Granted wh usually does it but i wanted a HUGE cake and i had already started while he was moving hay. I made a chocolate batch then a vanilla batch and using my big lasagna pan marbled them.

I have been banned from the girls room. They are working on something for me.

And wh...told me to go pick up what i wanted... rolleyes grrrrr

What i want. What is it i want? Thats a loaded question lol. Ok there's a few things. A new vape (dropped mine into a bucket of water by accident), new slippers, shrimp for dinner tonight.

I picked up shrimp. Vape i want isnt in stock, totally forgot to go to the store to get slippers lol in my defense stores are nuts today...

The thing is what i want is a husband who didnt cheat. I want a husband who can totally own his shit and wants to be a better man. Not just to be a better husband and father but to be a better man for himself. Everything else wil fall into place after that. I want peace if mind and finally some great sex. blush

What would you want on your birthday?

Me: BS 44 nowWH: 35 almost 36 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons.Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that.Full disclosure March 8th 2019 four AP's.

posts: 22804   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8700512
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lostindenial ( new member #79420) posted at 8:07 PM on Saturday, November 27th, 2021

Happy birthday Dragnheart. Hope your kids will brighten the day for you. At least, some of us have the satisfaction of being the only stable force in their lives.
One thing I will point out that I found really lacking in my Ws and I see the same streak of selfishness in yours. He should not say - go pick what you want? My WS had done nothing thoughtful for me for decades. My friends and neighbors knew more about what I wanted than he did. Not because I did not talk about them. It is because he didn’t care. I did not matter. The same man who could not bother buying me a cake for my 40th, could not think of one birthday or Mother’s Day gift was innovative and caring enough for AP to buy her presents over past 18 months. How do you unsee that? And if you pick your own presents then what effort has he truly made for you to get to know you, to understand where your head and heart is and what will make you happy. Don’t fall for that and don’t settle for that please. What you bought is for you from you. Hugs

posts: 42   ·   registered: Sep. 20th, 2021   ·   location: FL
id 8700518
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78monte ( member #72572) posted at 9:03 PM on Saturday, November 27th, 2021

Happy Birthday Dragn.
My wife asked me what I want for Christmas recently.
I told her, the one thing I wanted most in life was to have a faithful wife. It wouldn't have cost her a penny.
However, her unfaithfulness sure has cost us alot.

posts: 1662   ·   registered: Jan. 14th, 2020   ·   location: Canada
id 8700520
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 9:08 PM on Saturday, November 27th, 2021

Happy Birthday DragnHeart

BW, 54 WH 53When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2127   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8700522
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 9:22 PM on Saturday, November 27th, 2021

Thanks all.

It will be interesting to see what the kids did. Dd asked if she coukd use thr paint we had and if there were brushes or rollers around. shocked

Wh hasnt done anything for me in years. He hasnt nought me anything, not even a card. Back in the day he used to write poetry...i miss THAT man.

Time for dinner. Then cake. Lots and lots of cake lol

Me: BS 44 nowWH: 35 almost 36 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons.Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that.Full disclosure March 8th 2019 four AP's.

posts: 22804   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8700527
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Repossessed ( member #79544) posted at 9:41 PM on Saturday, November 27th, 2021

Your turn, DragnHeart. Be a cake-eater. ;-)

Here to keep myself mindful that I don't always see what actually is. I certainly didn't when I married her.

posts: 117   ·   registered: Nov. 1st, 2021   ·   location: Chicagoland
id 8700529
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 9:45 PM on Saturday, November 27th, 2021

Your turn, DragnHeart. Be a cake-eater. ;-)


laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh

Me: BS 44 nowWH: 35 almost 36 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons.Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that.Full disclosure March 8th 2019 four AP's.

posts: 22804   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8700530
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 12:32 AM on Sunday, November 28th, 2021

Oh the cake was soooooo good!!!

The kids made a huge box filled with paper flowers, cards, their hand prints, notes and lots of drawn pictures. So wonderful!!!

Me: BS 44 nowWH: 35 almost 36 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons.Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that.Full disclosure March 8th 2019 four AP's.

posts: 22804   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8700550
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ISurvivedSoFar ( Guide #56915) posted at 1:08 AM on Sunday, November 28th, 2021

Happy Birthday DragnHeart!!! I'm so glad you are "high" on b'day cake and handprints and notes and flowers. Way to go!!!

All you need now is a vape to go with that cake and the cake eating may go on forever.

I wish he was there for you. I get having them slip away. I hope it doesn't ruin your birthday because you deserve the best!!!

DDay Nov '16
Me: BS, a.k.a. MommaDom, Him: WS
2 DD's: one adult, one teen,1 DS: adult
Surviving means we promise ourselves we will get to the point where we can receive love and give love again.

posts: 2726   ·   registered: Jan. 15th, 2017
id 8700552
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 3:27 AM on Sunday, November 28th, 2021

Watching Godzilla contemplating whether or not to have a second slice of cake. It is MY birthday right. I can splurge.

Ill pick up a new vape next week. I have one thats functioning. The one that went for a swim works when it wants to but changes the level of vape on its own. I can handle up to 10. When it changes up to 25 i choke lol and it will turn off and not turn on again for a while.

Seriously cigarettes were so much easier but i quit and am at 0 nicotine juice now. Its the menthol flavour and something in my hand/mouth thats the addiction.

I always make an effort for wh birthday. Since he wont do the same perhaps its time to dial back my effort.

Me: BS 44 nowWH: 35 almost 36 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons.Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that.Full disclosure March 8th 2019 four AP's.

posts: 22804   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8700558
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jadedangel ( member #26979) posted at 3:53 AM on Sunday, November 28th, 2021

Happy Birthday DragnHeart!

Divorced 2007.
EXWH died 2011
Remarried 2018!

posts: 650   ·   registered: Dec. 30th, 2009   ·   location: Central City
id 8700560
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zebra25 ( member #29431) posted at 12:52 PM on Sunday, November 28th, 2021

Happy Birthday Dragn!!!!!

"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."

D-day April 2010

posts: 2602   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010
id 8700576
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 1:59 PM on Sunday, November 28th, 2021

Thanks grin

Well my back is letting me know im older. Sheesh lol.

I was thinking last night that Christmas will be a repeat of my birthday.

No effort on his part.

And he cant keep using the pandemic as an excuse. We are vaxxed, stores are open and he could buy online.

I dont understand how he went from being someone who wrote poetry and bought me thoughtful gifts to not even getting a card.

Me: BS 44 nowWH: 35 almost 36 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons.Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that.Full disclosure March 8th 2019 four AP's.

posts: 22804   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8700578
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ISurvivedSoFar ( Guide #56915) posted at 3:11 PM on Sunday, November 28th, 2021

He is stuck in his own shame. It's almost diabolical to witness someone who seemingly had us on their minds constantly expressed through their creativity - songs, poems, gifts and the like - turn into someone who seemingly cannot even summons up a compliment making us feel invisible and inconsequential to them.

I found this deeply disturbing and every time he'd feign ignorance of what to do or how to express his love I'd remind him of his ability to figure it out for his AP or prior to infidelity. It's the last part that was the biggest reminder of the break that he did to himself from the behavior surrounding the betrayal.

It feels to me that your WS is in that same place. He broke himself further and he just cannot see his way out so hiding underneath his shame is the choice he is making right now. He is scared but that doesn't make it easier for you. He needs to find his way to stop continuously hurting you.

What are you doing for you these days and what boundaries do you believe you need to help you survive his inability to attune to you so you don't keep getting hurt by him?

DDay Nov '16
Me: BS, a.k.a. MommaDom, Him: WS
2 DD's: one adult, one teen,1 DS: adult
Surviving means we promise ourselves we will get to the point where we can receive love and give love again.

posts: 2726   ·   registered: Jan. 15th, 2017
id 8700582
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 3:20 PM on Sunday, November 28th, 2021

What are you doing for you these days and what boundaries do you believe you need to help you survive his inability to attune to you so you don't keep getting hurt by him?

Well i dont do as much for myself as i should although i have been taking more time for me, doing things i want to do. If i want to read, i read, if i want to nap i nap.

I need to stop expecting wh to be the man he was or should be.

I need to stop doing for him what he should be doing for me.

I will just get myself what i want smile

Me: BS 44 nowWH: 35 almost 36 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons.Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that.Full disclosure March 8th 2019 four AP's.

posts: 22804   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8700583
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 3:21 PM on Sunday, November 28th, 2021

I will say that the one good thing about being an adult is that i can chose to have cake for breakfast and no one can tell me otherwise lok

Me: BS 44 nowWH: 35 almost 36 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons.Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that.Full disclosure March 8th 2019 four AP's.

posts: 22804   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8700584
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ISurvivedSoFar ( Guide #56915) posted at 3:30 PM on Sunday, November 28th, 2021

Do you mean you doing for him the way you want him to do for you?

I need to stop doing for him what he should be doing for me

Or do you mean doing for yourself the way you wish he would do for you?

The best message you can send to him is to do for yourself. Gently doing for him sends him the message that he counts more than you or that he has earned it and both simply aren't true.

Show him how much you count by putting you first. You deserve it.

[This message edited by ISurvivedSoFar at 9:33 AM, November 28th (Sunday)]

DDay Nov '16
Me: BS, a.k.a. MommaDom, Him: WS
2 DD's: one adult, one teen,1 DS: adult
Surviving means we promise ourselves we will get to the point where we can receive love and give love again.

posts: 2726   ·   registered: Jan. 15th, 2017
id 8700585
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 3:38 PM on Sunday, November 28th, 2021

I mean stop making sure his birthdays and Christmas are filled with loving gifts...

He gets the cards. He gets gifts that i have searched for or preoprdered months in advance.

I don't have to put in that much effort. Socks and underwear are just as good. Geez i don't even get THAT from him...

I can give the kids a set amount of money and set thrm loose in the dollar store if they to shop for dad.

I will admit that i got myself something totally awesome because i LOVE it. I didnt ask him if it was alright (which i always do for some fucked up reason) this time i just got it.

Me: BS 44 nowWH: 35 almost 36 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons.Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that.Full disclosure March 8th 2019 four AP's.

posts: 22804   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8700587
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TwoDozen ( member #74796) posted at 7:21 AM on Tuesday, November 30th, 2021

A time machine or a crystal ball or amnesia maybe.

I know, I know. At 2 years past Dday and 6 months since moving out I should be further along than this 🙄

Birthdays suck, I’ve read the messages she sent to AP on my birthday.

Sorry. Feeling sorry for myself today

TD

Play stupid games ; Win stupid prizes

posts: 396   ·   registered: Jul. 6th, 2020
id 8701741
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pureheartkit ( member #62345) posted at 5:28 AM on Wednesday, December 1st, 2021

Happy birthday dragn. I wish things could be different for you. Keep being strong and enjoy the things that bring you happiness. Keep your face to the sun.

Thank you everyone for your wisdom and healing.

posts: 2275   ·   registered: Jan. 19th, 2018
id 8701918
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