Some quick things:
You mentioned everyone here knowing Dragn but I don't, and never heard of her before this post, so the reply you got from me was based on your post and your responses only. I think that's important to know, that not everyone here has a predefined notion of you. It's also important to notice how someone responds to you if that's the case. That way you can assure yourself that any responses you get are based on you and you alone. So when I pointed out that you don't seem to really want to do this... that opinion was formed from your post and your point of view only. That was all you brother. 100%.
I'm going to share something important with you. While yes, it is certainly possible that people here might have some ideas about what to expect from you based on your wife's posts, what they actually experience from you is entirely up to you.
Let's say (just for the sake of example, I have no idea what she says about you) that your wife says you don't seem to be making an effort to change, at all. All of her SI friends agree and say, "Yeah, he's not even trying". That doesn't make you look very good, right? Okay. So... what can you do about it?
Well, you have (at least) two choices. Choice one is to do what you've been doing so far. Coming here and proving her right. Nothing personal friend, but so far, you often sound like a spoiled teen who doesn't want to clean their room and makes every excuse in the book why it's not getting done. That's the impression you are giving off, so that's what we're seeing.
The other choice however, is to prove her, and us, and everyone... WRONG. Come on here daily. Ask questions. Participate. Find a couples weekend to take her to. Find a better MC/IC and go twice as often and work twice as hard. Make mistakes, learn from them, and keep telling yourself and everyone else that you are going to be a better person or die trying.
What impression will people have of you then? If Dragn says you aren't making any effort, but then you come on here like gangbusters doing the work, fighting to save yourself and your relationship... people will have a much different opinion of you, regardless of what your wife says. The proof is in the pudding as they say.
Look, no one ever likes to say, "Poor guy, he fucked up, and was never able to recover, and now his life sucks.". On the other hand, it is more exciting to say, "Man, that guy had his demons, but he really worked hard and overcame them, and look at him today!"
BE THAT MAN. Stop wallowing in your own pain and victimhood, it's not helping you or anyone else. To be honest, it feels as if you've gotten "comfortable" with the idea of being defined as someone less than you really want to be. Stop that.
If you want to be a better person, and if you want other people to see you as a better person, then the answer is really, really simple. Make the effort. Be determined. And be someone better.
No more excuses. The pain, the shame, the anger, the confusion, the grief, the hopelessness... everything you are feeling right now is not a "punishment", it is a consequence of your actions. Negative actions bring negative consequences. Positive actions do the opposite.
What are you afraid of?