It's like I have been looking at other women so long that I cannot stop.
Let me ask you a serious question. Do you actually want to stop?
There is no right or wrong answer to that, and no judgment on the answer. You need to figure out who you are, and who you want to be. There are many people in this world who have a difficult time with commitment, and there is nothing wrong with that. The thing is, if commitment isn't your thing, then it's really, really unfair to both your spouse/partner and to yourself as well, to try and live in a monogamous relationship. Your partner deserves to know if this is something you can't do. If a committed relationship is never going to come to fruition, then allow your partner the dignity and respect of knowing that, and allowing them to make their own decisions and choices. To be honest, if commitment is not "who you are" then it is unfair to you as well. You may never be happy in a monogamous relationship if that's not who you are at heart, and it is silly to try and force yourself to live a life that you aren't really happy living.
If however, you really do want to stop being a cheater, really do love your wife, really desire a committed relationship above all else... well, you are going to have to roll your sleeves up and dig deep into who you really are and what motivates you. My advice is to start with IC. And be direct with them. I suggest something like this, "I might be a sex addict. I recently had an affair, and find it almost impossible to empathize with her or to own my choices. I feel like I'm stuck in shame and it overwhelms me." That simple. If you are already seeing an IC, then maybe you need to reevaluate how much effort you are putting in, or maybe finding a therapist that you see more progress with.
One last thing. Make sure you want to do this. I mean, really really sure. Because it's a shit ton of work, and no one else can drive the bus to recovery but you. You have to get up every morning and think to yourself, "I'm tired of living my life feeling this way, and being this way, and I'm going to do whatever it takes to be someone I can respect, or die trying." Doing that takes a lot of commitment, and well... commitment isn't a WS's forte, now is it? So being committed to change is really the first big hurdle for most people. Again, if you aren't that's okay, but then stop trying to make it happen for the wrong reasons.
Right now, you seem to be stringing your spouse along by not really doing the work but also not ending it. If so, then it is hurting her, and hurting you, and probably even the people around you. You seem to be only "one foot in the door" in your responses. To be honest, it feels to me as if "you" aren't there. You seem to be trying as hard as you can to say the right thing, or do the right thing, or do anything that gets you out of this mess and give you some hope of not feeling like shit anymore. And I'm sorry, I am, but it does not work that way. You cannot just "want" to change, you have to do the work. You cannot stop feeling like a cheater while you still think like one. You cannot hope that tomorrow will be better, you have to make it better.
It is not about what you say or do, it is about who you are. Since you have not yet really changed who you are, then that is why "saying and doing"... is not working like you'd hope it would. I do have something encouraging to share however. The work, while it's a lot to go through... it will be so, so damn rewarding in the end. IF you do it. You can't make what you did go away, and you can't erase the pain of the memories, but you can learn to see them not as WHO you are but simply as part of your story. And that chapter is over now. You get full control of writing the next chapter and you can be anyone you want to be. You can choose to be honest to a fault, dependable, caring, assertive, dignified, loving, protective... and all you have to do is to choose to be that person. It really can be that simple. But first, you have to do the work, to clear out the trauma, the fear, the insecurities and any other blocks that could get in your way. And with every block removed, you can breathe more. You can feel more. You can feel the shame lift and the determination return. Don't be scared. Just do it. Not for her. For you. Fix yourself, and you might be amazed at how much the world changes around you. You have to give your wife a REASON to stay, and HOPE that change is not only possible, but that it is a "do or die" topic for you. You can gain your self-respect back, but not by living under a rock of shame.
There is an old expression... "Shit or get off the pot". Which simply means, "Do something or don't, but if you're gonna do it, then do it, and if not, then stop being in the way of others who are trying to get their own shit done".