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Divorce/Separation :
How to get rid of gifts from WH

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 BlackRaven (original poster member #74607) posted at 6:45 AM on Tuesday, October 19th, 2021

This is a pretty practical question. Does anyone have suggestions for the best way to get rid of jewelry that my ex gave me? I hate the thought of getting pennies on the dollar for it but I just can't see myself ever wearing it again. I'll always wonder if he gave me the gifts because he was feeling guilty after being with his mistresses.

posts: 289   ·   registered: Jun. 17th, 2020
id 8693944
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barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 1:43 PM on Tuesday, October 19th, 2021

My ex-wives just sold everything at a pawn shop. So, sadly, pennies on the dollar?

Me: BH, age 48
Her: WS, age 45 (multiple EAs and PAs)
D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5141   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8693967
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LostInHisFog ( member #78503) posted at 2:08 PM on Tuesday, October 19th, 2021

I’m facing this issue too. Some girlfriends are trying to convince me to take it all to a bespoke jeweller and have them recrafted. Apparently they take all the jewels out, melt the gold down then remake something new out of it all. If you don’t want a particular stone they may offer to replace it with something of equal value.

One of the girls has a beautiful cuff bracelet that was made out of all the gold she scrapped and she swapped her engagement diamond for two smaller emeralds that are in the cuff.

I’m considering it as an option.

I do like the symbolism of turning something new from something no longer loved, like my new chapter of life.

[This message edited by LostInHisFog at 2:10 PM, Tuesday, October 19th]

I edit because I'm fluent in typo & autocorrect hates me.

posts: 216   ·   registered: Mar. 14th, 2021
id 8693975
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Bigger ( Guide #8354) posted at 4:47 PM on Tuesday, October 19th, 2021

As a rule we tend to overvalue possessions.
My mom left some jewelry when she passed. There was one item we were 100% certain was worth A LOT. When we got it valued the experienced and trusted jeweler gave us an estimate less than 30% of what we expected – basically just over scrap value. Got that evaluation confirmed. I wouldn’t be surprised if your fear of pennies on the dollar might not be more getting true value rather than expected value. Maybe your first step should be to a jeweler and get the stuff valued.

Other than that… here are a couple of ideas:
Go sell it. Even if it’s pennies to the dollar. Pennies in your purse do a lot better than trinkets stored somewhere never to be used.
Donate it. Go find a good local charity and just give them the jewelry to do with as fit. They could sell at an auction or event where they can get a higher price. Chances are you can get a receipt from them and a tax-deduction. Might turn out to be more money that the "real" penny-per-dollar value.
Give it. Have anyone close that might value it? To you it might be reminders of your ex, to someone else it might become a reminder of you.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

posts: 10012   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2005
id 8694003
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Gottagetthrough ( member #27325) posted at 9:31 PM on Tuesday, October 19th, 2021

Do you have anyone you can give the jewelry to? Someone who can appreciate it.

A child, niece or nephew, or a sibling that loves jewelry? My sister looooves jewelry. I could give her some pieces and she would drool over them, and it wouldnt bother her that they were from my WH.

Or, if you really dont care about losing the money, how about a Domestic Violence shelter? Ask them to give some pieces to women going back to work and going on job interviews.

My sister is divorced. First husband’s family owned a jewelry shop and made her freaking rings. Theg were assholes and gave her total crap (and her husband’s ring was soooo much heavier than hers). When she went to pawn it (they were married 11 months, he cheated with 12 women in that span of time). She was offered TEN DOLLARS. The pawn broker said the ring was crap and worth about $100.

I wouldnt want to take that for jewerly. Id give it away first.

posts: 3638   ·   registered: Jan. 22nd, 2010
id 8694050
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freetogonow ( member #57821) posted at 10:08 PM on Tuesday, October 19th, 2021

1. Sold some on ebay. Fine jewelry resale value is shit unless you have vintage art deco Cartier, which I did not. I got what I got and did not care. The jewelry was literally worthless and meaningless to me on every level.

2. Had 2 sets of diamond stud earrings, gave both to my son and his wife and those will be handed down to my grandsons wives when(if) they marry. These were not super personal in nature so I'm fine with them staying in the family even though my ex did not lol. I will be happy to know that my grandsons wives will wear earrings that are fine quality "family heirloom status" from me. I will not ever look at them and think of him so I was good with this decision.

In the end, only you can decide what to do with it. Everyone has different comfort levels and there is no "wrong" way to handle this--only what is "right" for you and what is "wrong" for you.

You should be aware though...if your exact metal matters to you...When people say "the jeweler melts down the gold and reuses it..." well no not usually. Most jewelers do not have an in-house facility in which they melt down your exact piece, refine the dross and so on, and then reuse that same exact metal to fabricate a new piece. Usually they weigh it and give you a credit towards the metal used to re-set the old stones from your piece of jewelry. So if you hand over 1 troy oz of gold, you will get credit for 1 troy oz of gold used to reset your stones.

posts: 1742   ·   registered: Mar. 13th, 2017
id 8694056
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Shehawk ( member #68741) posted at 9:26 PM on Friday, October 22nd, 2021

I like the recrafting idea.

Makes me think someone should develop a website where people who have been cheated on can swap their guilty conscious jewelry presents with others in the same situation. I have a memory of standing in Tiffany's getting a piece of reasonably inexpensive silver jewelry my son gave me cleaned and my guilty conscious wh asking me if there was anything in there I wanted.

Why yes. A husband who didn't cheat. Were there any of those available?

posts: 793   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2018   ·   location: VA
id 8694690
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countrydirt ( member #55758) posted at 11:57 PM on Saturday, October 23rd, 2021

I had a few pocket knives, razors and fountain pens from my ex. No jewelry other than the wedding bands and those were placed at a couple of places as I let go. I sold all of the pocket knives, razors and fountain pens on ebay and felt like I made some decent money.

No jewelry (except for that gold wedding band I left at a trailhead and hope someone found it and wondered), but some of those items were pretty pricy.

3 adult sons
Married 32 years. DDay1 - June 2016, DDay 2 - April 2017, Final DDay - May 2020. Divorced - January 2021

posts: 329   ·   registered: Oct. 25th, 2016   ·   location: Colorado
id 8694817
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hcsv ( member #51813) posted at 12:45 AM on Sunday, October 24th, 2021

Ex was big into jewelry as gifts and he gave me some beautiful pieces. I have kept everything in case the kids want them someday but one piece I am thinking of doing something with is a family ring with all of our birthstones. Thinking of removing his birthstone and making it a mother's ring. I always loved it but just cant see myself wearing a family ring with his birthstone after he chose to dump our family.

After 40 years, ex turned into someone I didnt know and couldnt trust anymore. Divorced. 1/17

posts: 656   ·   registered: Feb. 14th, 2016
id 8694824
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Gottagetthrough ( member #27325) posted at 5:51 PM on Thursday, October 28th, 2021

CountryDirt- you left your wedding ring on a trail? Thats pretty badass of you. Much respect.

posts: 3638   ·   registered: Jan. 22nd, 2010
id 8695423
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nutmegkitty ( member #33882) posted at 10:15 PM on Saturday, November 20th, 2021

You can sell any gold and silver and get a good price. Then go shopping!!

Me - happy!
2 DDs

Very happily divorced from an NPD since 2013.

posts: 4389   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2011   ·   location: MA
id 8699480
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