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Off Topic :
Reality vs a mother's perception

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 Lionne (original poster member #25560) posted at 9:48 PM on Tuesday, September 28th, 2021

My DIL is being induced tomorrow. That could mean I'll be a Grammy tomorrow or the next day or...we all know how that goes.
My son is 38, she is 34. They are both responsible adults, chose parenthood are both adore children. My son is an RN and very nurturing, he is planning to be the main stay at home parent with tons of family support when he has to work.
I have a tendency to think of them as kids. That they don't really have the skill set to deal with diapers, colic, breast vs bottle, etc. It's nonsense of course. Very few of us were ready for all of that, right? And they are certainly more ready than I ever was.
Anyway. I'm so excited to have this granddaughter, am logically confident in their ability to cope,and am stuffing my concerns even as I plan what meals to take them while they are plunged into this next life phase.
Pray or hold a thought for her, please. She has some physical limitations that make induction the wise choice.

Me-BS-65 in May<BR />HIM-SAFWH-68<BR />I just wanted a normal life.<BR />Normal trauma would have been appreciated.

posts: 8408   ·   registered: Sep. 18th, 2009   ·   location: In my head
id 8690724
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WhatsRight ( member #35417) posted at 10:47 PM on Tuesday, September 28th, 2021

Oh, tons of prayers!!!

I totally get what you mean, except my sons are late 20’s. And also know nothing of the whole diapers, fevers, up all night, etc., etc. stuff.

But I have to say they are doing well. My son didn’t even want to change diapers or bathe his daughter at first because a friend had been accused of being inappropriate with his own daughter. But he is getting more at ease now.

They will do great.

Congratulations GRABDMA!!!

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

posts: 7214   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2012   ·   location: Southeast USA
id 8690738
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Countingsheep65 ( member #56000) posted at 4:48 AM on Wednesday, September 29th, 2021

Well, are you a granny yet? Exciting for sure, I get what your saying, my daughter is 33 and 6 months pg., I have same thoughts, then again I was 22 when she was born, she grew up just fine.

posts: 429   ·   registered: Nov. 11th, 2016
id 8690798
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WTAF ( member #79274) posted at 5:12 AM on Wednesday, September 29th, 2021

Congratulations, and best wishes!

posts: 57   ·   registered: Aug. 13th, 2021   ·   location: All up in my feelings
id 8690804
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lieshurt ( Moderator #14003) posted at 1:35 PM on Wednesday, September 29th, 2021

Sending positive thoughts their way. Congratulations Lionne!

No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.

posts: 22338   ·   registered: Mar. 20th, 2007   ·   location: Houston
id 8690832
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 1:40 PM on Wednesday, September 29th, 2021

Congratulations!!!!!!
I know you have to be over the moon excited for this chapter in your life.
Your son and his wife will be able to manage just fine. If they are in your area that's even better for you.
But as someone who has a really special bond with their mother in law, please please please give them time to bond as mom and dad without having people constantly in and out.
I felt so much pressure as a new mom to have my house perfect in case my parents wanted to swing by, or my sister, or my in laws..... Plus my baby came 3.5 weeks early. He would NOT nurse no matter what I tried. And I tried all the tricks, and even pumped for days, well my breasts are just for show. They didn't work.
When we switched to formula it was a huge relief.

The things my MIL did for me was some cooking and some cleaning while she sent me of to shower, have a bath, and nap.
When I had number 2 we lived far away, she was the first one to fly down. She helped making sure I was sleeping, and made meals, and allowed me to rest. She also took the 2.5 yo to the park each morning and gave me some 1:1 time with my baby. She was wonderful.
When my parents came it was not nearly as helpful or as good of an experience.
Just saying it's an opportunity for you to build that relationship especially if she has a bad baby. Encourage her to take the help.

Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 21 &23
Married for 28 years now, was 16 at the time.
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 18985   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8690833
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 6:39 PM on Wednesday, September 29th, 2021

I mainly remember feeling like I didn't have a clue about caring for an infant and muddling through. When our GS was due, I assumed our son and DIL would muddle through, too.

Maybe that's father vs mother.... smile

Congratulations!

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26161   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8690884
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DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 7:21 PM on Wednesday, September 29th, 2021

Lionne, my mother would text me and ask whether or not the kids had gotten their school projects done when I was in my 30s and 40s and had done plenty of parenting on my own. laugh I'm pretty sure she'll never quite see me as an adult and I'm halfway annoyed and halfway amused by it, bless her heart. We all manage to figure this adulting thing out and I'm sure yours and mine will too.

Congrats on being a Grammy!!!

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

posts: 4556   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2017
id 8690892
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number4 ( member #62204) posted at 8:17 PM on Wednesday, September 29th, 2021

What an exciting time! I hope all goes wells for her induction.

Yes, they will do fine. The fact that they've gotten through college and have professional careers says they have a certain maturity level. Parenting is ALL about learning on the job, and since each baby is different, they will be learning as they grow, and that's OK; they will make some mistakes, but they learn from them.

I'll never forget... oldest child was born in the Midwest in mid-September. It was cool the day we brought her home from the hospital, so we kept her bundled up pretty warmly. But as that first week wore on, the weather warmed up, but it never occurred to us to adjust her clothing and blankets. Sure enough, by the end of that week, the day we were supposed to pick up my mom from the airport, baby started running a fever. We were instructed to take her to the ER (it was a weekend); they had to do blood tests and chest x-rays. It was TORTURE watching them drawing blood from her. After a couple of hours of being in the hospital, unbundled from all those blankets, and getting negative test results, they determined she was just overheated from too many blankets. By the time they discharged us, her fever was gone and never came back. And we learned to adjust her clothing and blankets as the weather changed. So yea, new parents make mistakes, but they learn from them.

They will do fine.

Me: BW
Him: WH
Married - 30+ years
Two adult daughters
1st affair: 2005-2007
2nd-4th affairs: 2016-2017
Many assessments/polygraph: no sex addiction
Status: R

posts: 835   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2018   ·   location: Southern California
id 8690899
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 Lionne (original poster member #25560) posted at 12:55 AM on Thursday, September 30th, 2021

No baby yet. Progress though!

I'm keenly aware not to overstep. They do call on us to help so I'll follow their lead. They'll let us know what they need.

They'll be great parents and have lots of fun with this baby girl. (So will I)

Me-BS-65 in May<BR />HIM-SAFWH-68<BR />I just wanted a normal life.<BR />Normal trauma would have been appreciated.

posts: 8408   ·   registered: Sep. 18th, 2009   ·   location: In my head
id 8690949
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 Lionne (original poster member #25560) posted at 8:52 PM on Friday, October 1st, 2021

BABY GIRL is HERE! She's just gorgeous if I do say so myself.

Tough going, c section after many hours and much medication. But they will heal.

I cleaned the house and stocked the freezer. Hopefully I'll be able to meet her on Sunday or Monday.

Me-BS-65 in May<BR />HIM-SAFWH-68<BR />I just wanted a normal life.<BR />Normal trauma would have been appreciated.

posts: 8408   ·   registered: Sep. 18th, 2009   ·   location: In my head
id 8691256
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SadieMae ( member #42986) posted at 9:06 PM on Friday, October 1st, 2021

Congratulations!!!

Me: BW 40 on DDAY
Him: WH 40 on DDAY (FlawedBroken)
Together over half our lives.
D-day 3/9/2014
TT until 6/2016
TT again Fall 2020

posts: 1202   ·   registered: Apr. 3rd, 2014   ·   location: Sweet Tea in the Shade
id 8691258
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zebra25 ( member #29431) posted at 10:02 PM on Friday, October 1st, 2021

Congratulations!!!!!!!

"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."

D-day April 2010

posts: 2467   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010
id 8691269
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zebra25 ( member #29431) posted at 10:02 PM on Friday, October 1st, 2021

Congratulations!!!!!!!

"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."

D-day April 2010

posts: 2467   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010
id 8691270
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 10:20 PM on Friday, October 1st, 2021

Congratulations!!!!
Hope momma is resting and healing.
I bet you are going crazy waiting to meet and hold that beautiful baby.

Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 21 &23
Married for 28 years now, was 16 at the time.
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 18985   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8691272
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 10:52 PM on Friday, October 1st, 2021

Congratulations!

Me: BS 54 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA
Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4240   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8691280
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number4 ( member #62204) posted at 12:52 AM on Saturday, October 2nd, 2021

Awesome, and congratulations! 👏👶

Me: BW
Him: WH
Married - 30+ years
Two adult daughters
1st affair: 2005-2007
2nd-4th affairs: 2016-2017
Many assessments/polygraph: no sex addiction
Status: R

posts: 835   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2018   ·   location: Southern California
id 8691284
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Superesse ( member #60731) posted at 3:12 AM on Sunday, October 3rd, 2021

Lionne! Just saw this, as I rarely come here, this year.

All I can say is: Wow!!! Congrats and Hugs all around! (I admire how you always took the long-long-long-range view of life...and see, now?)

You will just rock as a G'Ma!

posts: 1386   ·   registered: Sep. 22nd, 2017   ·   location: Washington D C area
id 8691377
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 6:47 PM on Sunday, October 3rd, 2021

Congratulations!

I'm sorry about the c-section and drugs. I hope your DIL heals quickly.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26161   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8691449
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DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 10:45 PM on Sunday, October 3rd, 2021

Aww, how sweet! Congratulations!

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

posts: 4556   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2017
id 8691466
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