As a man:
I've only had 3 sexual partners. During sex you can definitely feel when the area is contracting and relaxing.
Mentally, it's very stimulating to me whenever I've felt my partner contracting, because I equate it to how I feel when I get very aroused and it gets extremely hard.
But I've never, ever, thought it felt bad or less enjoyable when my partner was relaxed. Again, mentally for me, that would mean I did a good job and excite me more.
I'll go ahead and add that I've never “noticed” it relaxed. I might notice the contraction though, and that'll turn me on.
I prefer my partner to go first. Because I'm easier to satisfy. I can usually time mine to theirs, and even if it takes me a little longer, they've always seemed to really enjoy me letting loose. So it's always always always been a more enjoyable experience for me when they orgasm first.
Regarding Erection Quality:
My 2nd partner was brief. Idk even know why it started, but I was very disinterested in sex with her. I would say no, she'd push, and I'd do it just to keep her from arguing with me. Those were some weak erections and bad performances on my part.
I'm very fit, but I had a much harder time with erections when I bulked myself to a very high body fat percentage. As soon as I went back to a healthier weight things became easy again.
Arousal is important. During the waning part of my last relationship, I could say I was hard less often. Less morning wood. I wasn't typically as hard as I remember being. I assumed part of it was me getting older.
The past 2 years I've been single. I typically have had a high sex drive especially at the beginning of my relationships. But I've noticed very little to no sex drive this past year. Again, assumed it's part of getting older.
Then this new woman enters my life and I'm hard like everywhere. Freaking annoying lol. We met at the gym and sometimes go together, and it's incredibly weird to try and hide erections in the gym or when getting ready to do a movement. But it's still tied to my mental state.
If I talk with her less, or perceive something off, that drive diminishes quite a bit.
So, whatever is going wrong with his junk is due to his own mind messing with him.
My ex sort of did the same thing to me FWIW. So I'm a little nervous about sex with my new partner. Originally my ex would be able to orgasm easily with me, and could even have a couple in a row.
Then after a couple of big fights it became harder for her, unless she used a toy and/or porn.
Then that became the only way for her to orgasm. She would say it's her own issues making it hard for her, but she'd also sort of say it was because I wasn't doing this or that well.
So it made sex less enjoyable for me, because it made me feel like I wasn't performing well enough. Even though my past partner enjoyed it, and so did she initially.
After she met her AP she said to me "when we have sex I can orgasm with him". That's stuck with me.
But it is what it is.
I wouldn't worry about he said. Your next partner will be into you, and he'll enjoy being with you. Simple as that.
[This message edited by Ganondorf at 9:22 AM, Tuesday, August 17th]