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Newest Member: mywholeheart14

Just Found Out :
I thought we were in good relationship, then I found wife cheati


beb252 ( member #78948) posted at 3:18 AM on Thursday, November 25th, 2021

She's been provoking me saying that im not doing enough to solve this.

You can return back the same statement to her. Her stepping out of your marriage and continue to be in communication with her AP despite continuous pleading not to. She was the sole reason your marriage failed. Yes, failed. Past tense. Your marriage was over the moment she put POSOM's D.... in her mouth or whatever else they did that she continues to downplay.

In order to start R she should have been truthful from the start but it seems she's finding more ways to be discreet and continues to be in communication with her AP.

No, you didn't use her for your career growth. It's only fitting to help each other in marriage but it seems she's only seeing one way on lots of things.

As what I've said from my previous replies, continue to focus on getting that master's. That's your future. From what I see, she's not part of it.

posts: 404   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2021
id 8700087

Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 5:01 PM on Thursday, November 25th, 2021

She's been provoking me saying that im not doing enough to solve this.

Can she elaborate on what YOU can do to make her not have affairs?

What does she think YOU can do to "solve" this?

What does she see as a solution?

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

posts: 10590   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2005
id 8700164

Robert22205https ( member #65547) posted at 12:49 PM on Friday, November 26th, 2021

I'm sorry you're in this mess. You don't deserve this crap from her.

IMO this is manipulative and a power play on her part.

You can't control what your wife says but you can control your reaction to it.


1 - "I'm sorry you feel that way but you have failed to prove to me that you're not in contact with the OM; and you have failed to prove to me that you are a safe life partner."

2 - Do not respond with anything else. Either say nothing (very powerful impact) and pretend you don't hear her; or respond with #1.

Any other reply gives her power over you and pulls you into her toxic/manipulative world. STOP playing her game.

FINALLY: Take your power back. Put her on the defensive.

Inform your wife that you saw the text etc and therefore know she's still in contact? The burden of proof is on her (not you).

Inform her mother that it is not over because she's still lying to everyone and texting him.

Does the mother live with her and help with the kids? Blow up your wife's toxic world. Consider taking a shot at the mother (since she wants to rugsweep) and remind her that she raised a liar and adulterer (and should be ashamed of her parenting).

You don't have to prove she's texting the OM. Under the circumstances (she's a liar and adulterer) she has to prove she's not.

[This message edited by Robert22205https at 12:55 PM, Friday, November 26th]

posts: 2573   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: DC
id 8700286

ShutterHappy ( member #64318) posted at 3:06 PM on Friday, November 26th, 2021

How can i solve this when she says shes not in touch with AP when she's.

You don’t need to prove anything. You have made your decision… even if she wasn’t in touch with the AP, you could still D her.

It’s YOUR decision to make. She has no say in it.

Why do you want to wait until you get a job to D her? Ask your lawyer when is the best time to proceed and go from there.

You may not want to expose her at work, it might impact the alimony she would pay you… talk to your lawyer.

Basically you "solve" this by proceeding with your D. There’s no need to talk to her or her mother.

Me: BH
Divorced, remarried.
I plan on living forever. So far so good

posts: 1533   ·   registered: Jun. 30th, 2018   ·   location: In my house
id 8700317

DjDjani ( member #69137) posted at 5:54 PM on Thursday, December 23rd, 2021

For Gods sake why are you waiting for polygraph???? Your wife is a dentist in UAE, she has a lot of money!!! Tell her to take a weak of from work,sit on a plane and come to USA and do the polygraph now!!! She can pay babysitter for kids or her mom can take care of them untill she gets back! Tell her that she must do this or you will call OM wife and tell her everything,and all the people in her job will know the truth! So then,you will see that she wont do it,becouse she is still lying to you. And then you start divorce! Money is just a excuse,you are intitled to support and alimony,so you will have the money even if you divorce now. So,what will you do? Are you going to do something to resolve your situation?

[This message edited by DjDjani at 5:55 PM, Thursday, December 23rd]

posts: 53   ·   registered: Dec. 15th, 2018   ·   location: Serbia
id 8705643

Newlifeisgreat ( member #71308) posted at 2:26 AM on Friday, December 24th, 2021

DjDj nailed it!!!

Betrayed SpouseShe cheated and I filed immediately upon discovering. She never even suspected that I knew until the moment she was served with reason being AdulteryDivorced 9/18Now VERY happy with new life, 0 regrets

posts: 676   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2019
id 8705685

Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 2:13 PM on Monday, May 9th, 2022

bump at op request

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

posts: 10590   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2005
id 8734335

Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 2:28 PM on Monday, May 9th, 2022

I saw your update on page 1 (above your first post). Just noting that so folks can see it and advise accordingly.

The one piece of advice I have for you is don't tell her about the D in person if she is going to physically harm you (or worse if she is that unhinged). Move out and have her served - any contact can be done through your attorney - NC her completely.

[This message edited by Lalagirl at 2:28 PM, Monday, May 9th]

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8824   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8734339
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