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How would you take this

Pages: 1 · 2

25yearsin posted 6/7/2021 03:37 AM

If you suspected that your wife was cheating on you and she knew that you suspected her of that. And sex before this was maybe once a week and I always initiated.
But just like a flip of a switch she started initiating every single day. For 2 whole months this happened every single day. Then it slacked off and went back to the way it was. An on a day not to long after all this we was in a heated discussion and I brought that up Why did she give it out every single day for 2 months.
And her answer was, to prove to me that she wasn't cheating on me.
I want to know what you would think, if your spouse told you that.

Mene posted 6/7/2021 04:08 AM

Sounds suspicious.

The1stWife posted 6/7/2021 04:16 AM

Sounds suspicious to me.

Bigger posted 6/7/2021 04:30 AM

You are asking this on an infidelity site on the forum for those that have just found out about their spouses/partners infidelity.
Of course nearly everyone will tell you that itís a clear sign of cheating.

It isnít!

To me it sounds like a very typical couple that need to learn how to better communicate.

Robert22205https posted 6/7/2021 05:30 AM

Generally the quality of the advice you receive on here is a function of the information you provide.

Frankly, there's usually more than one behavioral change associated with cheating (EA or PA)that triggers the spouse's suspicion.

Can you provide more information?

For example, years married, kids, marriage/personal issues, past cheating or flirting, friends with EX or high school BF, change in grooming, cell phone activity (volume & timing of texts/calls, hiding the screen, never leaving the cell unattended), as well as does she have the opportunity to meet anyone?

Butforthegrace posted 6/7/2021 05:31 AM

In a vacuum, the pattern you describe could mean anything, including the fact that she is not cheating and initiated a lot of sex with you to dispel your unfounded suspicion.

But this is an infidelity site. Your spidey sense is inflamed enough that you found us, created an account, and posted. One of the mantras here is to go with your gut. In your case, your gut is telling you she is cheating.

It sounds like you may have made the beginner mistake of voicing your suspicion to your wife without having proof. For now, STFU in terms of discussing infidelity with your wife. Lay low. Bide your time. Gather your proof.

Or, rather, gather your proof if you must. You realize that you don't need proof of infidelity to divorce. You can divorce even if you're simply unhappy in the marriage.

If you want intimacy to improve in your marriage, that takes two spouses willing to be both feet in an vulnerable. Does your wife say anything about why, in general, you must be the sex initiator all the time? For example, is there a baby at home, or a young needy child? Or do you absorb yourself with individual pursuits and treat her like a roommate?

Your post gives too little context for any real suggestions, but I wish you luck.

Tigersrule77 posted 6/7/2021 06:06 AM

Your W?W initiating sex with you every day for two months and then dropping off does not prove she is not cheating. Nor is it proof that she is.

I have to agree with Bigger. If you have concerns with your M, you should be discussing them. If your wife is NOT cheating and wants to help you with your concerns, she should discuss those concerns with you. The path she chose does not eliminate the distrust, it probably just distracted you both for a while.

Bonetired posted 6/7/2021 06:08 AM

I agree with Butforthegrace. It could be or it could not. There needs to either be more detail as to why you suspected and yes if you believe this was happening did you fail to procure the evidence. In all my years that I have lived in unfaithful relationships the only way to truly find out if a spouse is lying is to.lay low and begin PI. You can do this in various ways such as VARs,gps,or plain up hire a PI,however until their is more details that are missing or until the evidence is gathered Bigger is right. To us it just sounds like poor communication at this point. There are plenty of times when people believe d their spouse was cheating and they weren't. There are also plenty of times when they were. Your gut is telling you something is off. If she is cheating on you and being dishonest she most likely won't come clean. Thus the PI . It has been my experience even after having proof that the cheaters in my life still didn't come clean and admit then began a long history of gaslighting,rug sweeping etc... So any other details you want to add ?

[This message edited by Bonetired at 6:10 AM, June 7th (Monday)]

WalkingHome posted 6/7/2021 09:32 AM

Why do you think she is cheating?

sisoon posted 6/7/2021 10:32 AM

You are asking this on an infidelity site on the forum for those that have just found out about their spouses/partners infidelity.
Of course nearly everyone will tell you that itís a clear sign of cheating.

It isnít!

To me it sounds like a very typical couple that need to learn how to better communicate.

I agree 100%. I quoted it in the hope that those words get re-read.

BigMammaJamma posted 6/7/2021 11:07 AM

I think we need more information.

Why did you suspect your wife is cheating?
How did she know you suspected?

gemini12 posted 6/7/2021 11:08 AM

Always trust your gut. You know your wife. Nobody here does. Do your due diligence. Like it or not, you will have to play detective.

elKAPPYtan posted 6/7/2021 11:23 AM

Depends... why do you suspect your wife of cheating?

stubbornft posted 6/7/2021 12:03 PM

In reading some of your old posts, I think you need to start getting serious about getting some proof. I don't think your post here means she was cheating necessarily.

But it seems like you are just living your life with doubt and worry. Put a VAR in your home and her car. Hire a PI. Put a keylogger on the computer. Something concrete. You need to know what is going on.

lifestoshort posted 6/7/2021 12:14 PM

I find it suspicious too.

This0is0Fine posted 6/7/2021 13:22 PM

Could be anything.

That said, when my fWW was having her EA sex ramped up.

And her answer was, to prove to me that she wasn't cheating on me.

How did she do this? Show you her google location history? Just not clear how she would prove a negative...

Nothing you have is clear proof of cheating.

annb posted 6/8/2021 05:57 AM

I think you need to trust your gut.

You came here for a reason a few months back, did you ever do a little more digging to prove/disprove your suspicions?

She may or may not be cheating. The only way to know the truth is to go into investigative mode.

Bigger posted 6/8/2021 06:57 AM

Your original suspicions were based on coincidental log-in times for Messenger.

Your present suspicions are based on a drop in sexual frequency from weekly to daily back to weekly.

You have posters telling you to trust your gut. Iím a trained investigator Ė a former cop Ė and I can tell you 100% that I would NEVER even contemplate facing a judge and tell him that my ďgutĒ told me the guy in the stand was guilty. At best the gut might tell you that you need to investigate further. Something we suggested and offered advice on how to do in your original post. This is what I shared there:

I still think the Messenger offline timing is extremely weak and honestly I donít see that you have the ďproofĒ some mention.
You have indicators. You have red flags that need to be checked, but anyone telling you that you have more is reading something that isnít there from your lines. I would not want to base potentially life-altering decision on such a weak base.
The white truck? Definitely something to look into. Just keep in mind white is the most common color with over 30% of all trucks (irrespective of brand or make) being white.
Do you have any chance of monitoring her during lunch? Is there any way you could borrow a colleagues car to sit outside her place of work and try to catch her?
Do you know OM truck type and model?
Do you know OM? Does your wife know you know OM? As in are you all acquaintances or in the same social group? If you were to ask your wife what she was doing in Fredís truck would she know you know who Fred is?
Are you two in any way stuck home due to covid? This might open some investigative suggestions.
Messenger logs are saved centrally so if she has Messenger on the phone she leaves open to you then have you tried looking at her logs and past conversations?
If they are meeting, then at what times do you think it is? Other than lunch are there times sheís not at work but not at home? Like does she claim to go jogging or the gym?
If she had a burner phone then where would she be likely to hide it?
Does she have her own vehicle? Have you searched it?
Considered placing VARís in places where she might be contacting OM?
Keep in mind that if heís not married then he has the ability to a) talk to her whenever she wants to talk and b) have her over to his place. So if your wife is hanging out at the end of the garden on her phone or spends an hour in the bathroom it could be to talk to him.
Keep a couple of things in mind:
Investigate to discover the truth Ė not to discover an affair. Maybe the truth is an affair and then that is what you discover, but donít go searching specifically for an affair.
If after a certain reasonable time you donít find anything suspicious then maybe there is nothing going on.
-----------
edited to add:
If you have free access to her phone you might search for and install a silent tracker app on her phone. Maybe use the weekend to download and test on your phone: want one that is relatively unobtrusive, quiet and not noticeable.
Look Ė IF there is an affair going on and IF itís this WhiteTruck OM and IF heís single then there are some assumptions we can make:
He can have her at his place for sex (if it has gotten that far). Why take the chance of being picked up by cops for making out in the truck or paying money for a motel if the home is empty 20 minutes away?
He can be contacted whenever she wants to call Ė this matters in that she will initiate calls and therefore you seek places she feels safe talking in.
With a tracker in place on her phone then if she leaves work for lunch you can head directly to his home-address or follow the tracker.

Have you taken any of the advice offered in that thread?
If you are going to use coincendal log-in times and frequency of sex as indicators of infidelity you might as well also get some chicken-bones and Tarot cards and maybe a crystal ball.

Personally I would rather be more realistic and maybe follow some of the suggestions offered.

Justaguy61 posted 6/8/2021 10:10 AM

In isolation her action is not proof but due to her past, apparently unresolved by you, it is certainly something to take seriously. You did not end up catching her before correct? Even with all that evidence. She really appears to be a serial cheater who does NOT want to loose her marriage. For your own peace of mind hiring a PI could make a big difference.

Jen posted 6/9/2021 17:34 PM

My knee jerk reaction is it's suspicious. After thinking for a minute, maybe not.

Trust but verify.

Otoh though there are other ways to help you trust she is not having an A. Just because you can have a lot of sex does not mean your not cheating/ed. Have her give you access to her phone, fb ect ect at the moment you ask for it, not later when she can give it to you.

I was still sleeping with my WH after D-day. I initiated 99% of that contact, I was doing that for a different reason than what your wife is doing.

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