Newest Member: girlangry89

Just Found Out :
My Wife is Cheating and I'm Glad

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rugswept ( Member #48084) posted at 1:57 PM on Saturday, August 14th, 2021

I'd be crying too if I were her.
Why, just a short while ago she had this nice gig at home with everything taken care of.
And she had BF to run off and have fun with. Now it's all gone.
She'll have to care and pay for her own place. All the goodies are gone now.
I'd be crying too.

R'd (rug swept everything) decades ago.
I'm big on R. Very happy marriage but can never forget.

posts: 956   ·   registered: Jun. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: Northeast US
id 8683482
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HouseOfPlane ( Member #45739) posted at 2:47 PM on Saturday, August 14th, 2021

It's tragic really, what we have come to.


Indeed.

Just a little longer...

DDay 1986: R'd, it was hard, hard work.

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?”
― Mary Oliver

posts: 2718   ·   registered: Nov. 25th, 2014
id 8683485
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ShortWorld1 ( New Member #77206) posted at 4:07 PM on Saturday, August 14th, 2021

Wronged One

Before your divorce is final, you have one final obligation as the Priest of your marriage, and that is TEACH your WW the extent of her transgressions.

Before she steps into her next marriage, she should take cognisance of the enormity of her sin.

Trust me; God is going to afford you the opportunity to communicate the scripture below to her, before the final curtain draws close over your marriage.

Titus 2: 4b . . that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, (5) to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, THAT THE WORD OF GOD MAY NOT BE BLASPHEMED.

She has effectively negated the teachings of the entire Bible and has BLASPHEMED against God and her Godly appointed Priest (husband)

I’m sure your FIL is not going to have a counter argument for this scripture

Take care; your tale of woes is an example to all Christian husbands how to conduct themselves, when faced with adultery.

Resolute

posts: 6   ·   registered: Jan. 28th, 2021   ·   location: South Africa
id 8683496
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Cooley2here ( Member #62939) posted at 5:36 PM on Saturday, August 14th, 2021

Don’t believe you have any moral duty to tell your wife about her transgressions. If she does not know them by now she never well. You are the betrayed spouse and you are already dealing with too much. This is not your responsibility from a religious standpoint or from any standpoint. Your best bet is to get your life back on track and move on.

[This message edited by Cooley2here at 5:36 PM, Saturday, August 14th]

To thine own self be true. Shakespeare

posts: 2907   ·   registered: Mar. 5th, 2018   ·   location: US
id 8683510
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keptmyword ( Member #35526) posted at 12:05 AM on Sunday, August 15th, 2021

It's tragic really, what we have come to.

I’m over eight years divorced and around 10 years from D-day and I still think this.

It certainly is tragic and for what reasons?

I did well in my divorce and have done well since.

It was very liberating to extract myself and my children (at least when they are with me) from her heinous world of betrayal, lies, deceit, and being blamed for her shitty behavior.

There is not a single aspect about my XWW that I miss or desire.

The tragedy is that before I found out, I believed I was a lucky guy in a great marriage and had a beautiful family that my children loved and felt safe in.

In what seemed to be an instant, all that was completely gone.

Immediately after discovery, she could not treat me with enough rage, disrespect, and contempt.

The bashing she was giving me behind my back to her friends and family was inconceivable - fortunately, her family knew it was all bullshit and were quite supportive of me.

To this day, she still treats me as the monster she created to justify her fantasy world.

She has never apologized to our children, she dropped my family out of her life completely right after being caught, and has never apologized to them.

My family adored her -and she literally never said a word to them again after being caught.

There is no co-parenting.

We simply communicate any required information regarding the children.

There is no ability or character within her to try to make any sort of amends or to make things right - not even for the sake of the kids.

She will die holding fast to her incredibly selfish need to not ever look bad to her most-important social circle.

The most tragic aspect of all, by far, about it is the impact to the kids - and she doesn’t even have the most basic sense of common human decency to offer them the most meager apology.

It really is tragic what things can senselessly come to.

I hope you’re doing ok.

It has nothing to do with you.

Filed for and proceeded with divorce.

posts: 1134   ·   registered: May. 4th, 2012
id 8683554
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SnowToArmPits ( Member #50943) posted at 12:29 AM on Sunday, August 15th, 2021

keptmyword - well one good thing about your situation, her actions made it an easy decision not to reconcile, and therefore you weren't slammed again like our OP.

Did you ever remarry?

posts: 344   ·   registered: Dec. 25th, 2015   ·   location: Canada
id 8683558
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keptmyword ( Member #35526) posted at 5:57 AM on Sunday, August 15th, 2021

keptmyword - well one good thing about your situation, her actions made it an easy decision not to reconcile, and therefore you weren't slammed again like our OP.

Did you ever remarry?

Snowtoarmpits,

Yes, she indeed made it an easy decision not to reconcile.

When I found out, I knew instantly that there was no going back for me and that I would be divorcing her.

She wanted to reconcile but I declined - as that would have been a complete waste of life’s time and a horrific fucking nightmare.

I have not remarried but I have dated a number of women since divorcing with one long-term relationship that ended sadly, but very amicably due to reasons beyond either of our control.

I doubt I will actually marry again and most of the women I’ve dated seemed to share the same viewpoint.

It has nothing to do with you.

Filed for and proceeded with divorce.

posts: 1134   ·   registered: May. 4th, 2012
id 8683579
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KingofNothing ( Member #71775) posted at 7:55 PM on Monday, August 16th, 2021

My STBXW got into a major car wreck this morning. It was not her fault. Another driver sideswiped her and they both went into the barricade along the freeway. She got taken to the hospital and I got called so I went over and checked on her. I just stood there silent, like a dumbass, while they finished patching her up and then I drove us both home. She was not hurt bad, just a few bumps and bruises, but the car is toast.

I'm very sorry, TWO. Despite the somewhat deserved vilification she gets on here, I don't really regard your STBX as "evil". She's tragically, relentlessly flawed, to be sure, but I do not rejoice in her downfall. It is sad that it has come to this but it will soon have an expiration date.

Rex Nihilo, the King of Nothing
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“If you’re going through hell, keep going. Just please stop screaming, it’s not good for morale.”
— Winston Churchill

BS 3 DDays/Attempted R, it failed. In a better place

posts: 769   ·   registered: Oct. 7th, 2019   ·   location: East Coast USA
id 8683811
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 TheWrongOne (original poster Member #78753) posted at 4:55 PM on Tuesday, August 17th, 2021

Thanks for your replies everyone. The STBXW is doing fine. She took off work the day after the wreck but is back at it now. Her mom has been coming over to help her pack up her things for the move. I have had to interact with STBXW as we have been dividing our possessions for her to take. She has been civil and actually friendly. I have not discussed what happened after the wreck. She is driving an insurance loner until she gets a new car. The old one was totaled. She has been handling all of that and has not asked me for any help. The mother in law only speaks to me in one word sentences, which is unfortunate because she and I used to talk a lot, but I think she is feeling extremely uncomfortable with this whole thing and doesn't know what to say or how to act.

A moving van will be here Sept 1st and I plan to be gone that day. Once she is gone, I have a locksmith coming to put new locks on all the doors. Until then the 180 is in place and the STBXW has not tried any more shenanigans. I am feeling positive and in a strange way I get the sense that she is starting to see that this is for the best too. I think the wreck snapped her into reality. I think the crying was her realizing that any fantasy she had of me taking her back was just that. She is going to be okay. She did mention that she has a roommate lined up and that she is planning on going back to school to take some advanced courses.

For those of you that mentioned it, my STBXW did in fact thank me for picking her up and bringing her home. She did so the next morning.

Anyways, that's the update. Not much really going on other than this. We have not heard when the divorce decree will occur, just waiting.

[This message edited by TheWrongOne at 5:05 PM, Tuesday, August 17th]

posts: 180   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2021
id 8683951
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Wanttobebetter ( Member #72484) posted at 5:10 PM on Tuesday, August 17th, 2021

TWO - thanks for the update. It seems things are moving in the right direction. Onwards and upwards.

BTW - Not that you care but why she needs a roommate and need to go back to school? I was under the impression that she is pretty well in her current role and financially secured. Just nosy.

Best of luck and hope she remains civil through out the D process.

posts: 138   ·   registered: Jan. 6th, 2020
id 8683956
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Marz ( Member #60895) posted at 5:28 PM on Tuesday, August 17th, 2021

Don’t expect anything from your MIL. Blood is thicker than water in these situations.

posts: 6611   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8683970
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 TheWrongOne (original poster Member #78753) posted at 5:42 PM on Thursday, August 19th, 2021

BTW - Not that you care but why she needs a roommate and need to go back to school? I was under the impression that she is pretty well in her current role and financially secured. Just nosy.

She just wants to save money until the re-fi on our house goes through, at which point I will buy out her half. A roommate will help defray some of the expense. Then she is going to buy her own place. As for school, she wants to get her CPA license.

posts: 180   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2021
id 8684380
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BlueRaspberry ( Member #76065) posted at 6:01 PM on Thursday, August 19th, 2021

TheWrongOne,

I thought the divorce provided you with full ownership of the house in lieu of lifetime alimony. If you're splitting the equity in the house and paying her off, why did you give up alimony?

posts: 218   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2020
id 8684382
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Buffer ( Member #71664) posted at 1:27 PM on Sunday, August 22nd, 2021

But brother chow are you doing?
R U ok with everything, the final D divisions?
Most importantly yourself.
One day at a time.

Buffer

posts: 1191   ·   registered: Sep. 24th, 2019   ·   location: Australia
id 8684771
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Bigger ( Guide #8354) posted at 4:04 PM on Sunday, August 22nd, 2021

I think the WW changed her mind regarding the house equity. Verbal agreements and even written drafts really don’t hold much weight in court unless both parties stick by them. Until the final draft that both sign and the judge accepts changes can be made. I guess that also includes the possibility of alimony.
Until or unless TWO refutes it then my guess would be that WW realized she has a legal right to half the house and that the claim for lifelong alimony is weak.

A basic part of negotiations is never being insistent on wanting something definite no matter what. Like the house – If the WW or her attorney realize TWO really wants it they can make it more of an issue than it really is. If possible remove emotional aspects and turn everything into an excel spreadsheet: Having this home with it’s adjustments that are great for my job is worth XX. If I had to adjust a new residence it would cost YY. Difference is YY-XX= worth the hassle or not.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

posts: 9858   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2005
id 8684794
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BlueRaspberry ( Member #76065) posted at 4:41 PM on Sunday, August 22nd, 2021

Bigger,

You may be right. Earlier TheWrongOne wrote

We came to a mutually agreeable settlement. We both keep our retirement and personal property, I get the house and she won't have to pay alimony for the rest of my life. That is it in a nutshell and I am satisfied. She is not happy at all, but I think she understands it could have been far worse for her. She could have gotten stuck paying me alimony for life, as well as giving up half her equity in the house. So that is where we are at. Petition is being filed this week.

Apparently, this was the deal hammered out between the lawyers. The STBXW knows TheWrongOne has a lot of dirt on her that could cause major personal and professional problems after disclosure, so why rock the boat after a deal was struck? Regardless, if I was TheWrongOne, I would blow the lid off everything once the divorce was finalized. At a minimum, inform the OBS...

[This message edited by BlueRaspberry at 7:27 PM, Sunday, August 22nd]

posts: 218   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2020
id 8684797
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jb3199 ( Member #27673) posted at 7:22 PM on Sunday, August 22nd, 2021

If we're speculating, TWO could be refinancing instead of a quit claim deed to get the house in his name only.....

BH-50s
WW-50s
2 boys
Married 28yrs.(together over 30yrs.)

All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day(s): Enough
Accepting that I can/may end this marriage 7/2/14

posts: 3818   ·   registered: Feb. 21st, 2010   ·   location: northeast
id 8684805
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 TheWrongOne (original poster Member #78753) posted at 8:49 PM on Monday, August 23rd, 2021

Refi to get her name off the title, but I still have to pay her half of the built-up equity, not half the overall market value. I couldn't get out of that.

posts: 180   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2021
id 8684964
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beb252 ( Member #78948) posted at 11:49 PM on Wednesday, August 25th, 2021

What are your plans after D is finalized? I believe you stated that you will be outing the affair once the D is final? Are you still going for that route? I've been imagining what will happen to POSOM's marriage once the affair is out in the open. Are you also leaning on reporting them at work?

posts: 376   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2021
id 8685481
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Cruel ( New Member #79327) posted at 3:13 AM on Thursday, August 26th, 2021

To The Wrong One,
Your story hurts. It hits home and is with great detail to the long term effects of betrayal and dare I say…..rug sweeping ?

It is loaded with marital pain that might be inconceivable to most of us.
I digress there.

Having said that, your acknowledging of the long term effects of (what I would consider) "rug Sweeping" and the utter possible consequences that followed is beyond hyper self awareness and painfully truthful.
You have spoken directly to anyone who may be in a similar situation without reservation for your own self.

How utterly commendable. To say the very least.
The absolute very least,

I mean this sincerely, you may be (along with some others) a super hero of Surviving Infidelity.

From an absolute no one,
I Humbly,
Thank you.

posts: 5   ·   registered: Aug. 26th, 2021   ·   location: Michigan
id 8685511
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