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competitiveness and changing myself

Pages: 1 · 2

sewardak posted 4/14/2021 13:40 PM

I need advice, I'd like to change but dont' know how.

I am a fitness instructor (in addition to having a full time job) and I just get so mad if I don't get the most people in my classes compared to the other instructors. I put a lot of time and effort into planning my classes but some people (less experienced) often get more people than me. I just don't get it. Everyone says my classes are great, I have received some "best class I've ever taken here" comments but nuh.
Its has affected me so much I'm thinking of quitting but I LOVE teaching it and I can get my own workout in for free when I do it.

What can I say to myself so this doesn't bother me so much?

number4 posted 4/14/2021 15:36 PM

While I get the competitive side of you, and can see how upset you might be, my first reaction was, perhaps the time of the class the other less experienced instructors are teaching, is more convenient to participants for one reason or another.

When I belonged to a gym, I always chose classes according to when they are offered (for instance, I am NOT a morning person), as opposed to who is the instructor teaching the class. The only time it would matter to me is if two classes were being taught at the same time and I clicked with one instructor more than another.

So, could it just be the time of the day?

sewardak posted 4/14/2021 16:15 PM

It could be that but we rotate times.
I know someone who signs up for a certain teacher who focuses on planks. We switched classes next week. I’m sure he’ll drop mine and go to hers.

Minnesota posted 4/15/2021 00:00 AM

What is the payoff for comparing yourself to the other instructors? What does it mean if you have more students? Fewer students? What message do you tell yourself about your value? Do you feel rejection when they sign up for other instructors classes? So in those messages and feelings, look for the truths and the distortions. Why do you need to WIN? (What does "winning" look like?) What does it say about you when you "win?" or "not win?" What is the truth there?

sewardak posted 4/15/2021 05:07 AM

What is the payoff for comparing yourself to the other instructors?
I don't know.
Maybe I'll figure out that they're doing something better than I am and if I figure it out, I'll get the students too?

hat does it mean if you have more students?

That I'm the best teacher

Fewer students?
I'm not the best teacher and people don't like me.

What message do you tell yourself about your value?
I work really hard at this so I should have the most student and win the game.


Do you feel rejection when they sign up for other instructors classes?
YEs.


So in those messages and feelings, look for the truths and the distortions. Why do you need to WIN? (What does "winning" look like?)

IT looks like everyone clamoring to be at my classes. Logically, probably MOST of it is time but SOME of it are people going because they like what the other teacher does, maybe the other teacher is their friend, is cuter, etc. But I suppose I offer something different that people will prefer to attend over the other teachers as well.
I try to teach the class I'd like to take myself.
My bottom line fear is that I need many many people to love me and fawn over how great I am because of my deep seeded fear of abandonment. I've TRIED to do work on this.
Obviously failed or haven't made the headway I've liked.
However, I talked to two other instructors about this and they feel the same way.
It's tough on the ego.

The1stWife posted 4/15/2021 07:18 AM

You are attributing your “success” to more students as a “you” thing.

You don’t know WHY people choose the class they do. As an example there could be a guy or two that only wants the “hot 22 year old instructor”. The instructor could be less qualified - doesn’t matter.

There are so many random reasons people make the choices they do. And it may be (and probably is) mostly out of your control.

I’m in a service industry. I am top notch. But sometimes clients just choose a different broker. Nothing I can do about that. I win some I lose some.

Be happy with the great reviews you do receive.

Chaos posted 4/15/2021 07:26 AM

What can I say to myself so this doesn't bother me so much?

My class is fu*king awesome and folks just don't know what they are missing.

I try to teach the class I'd like to take myself.

Good for you! That's probably a class I'd like to take. You can always tell when someone really feels it vs just going through motions.

Focus on those that DO attend, not those who don't. Those who DO are the ones that matter here. Thank them for attending and tell them you hope to see them again.

Cheatee posted 4/15/2021 07:38 AM

Sounds like you're seeking value through external affirmation. So, some people prefer a different instructor? Or the time slot works better for them? So what, you have to value what you do in a bit of a vacuum. No, you shouldn't be ignorant of how you're perceived, but don't put it as the be-all end-all of how you're doing.

You need to learn how to be happy through your own appreciation, not just through others.

sewardak posted 4/15/2021 07:54 AM

Sounds like you're seeking value through external affirmation

yes, and I don't know how to get rid of this in my head. The fitness class thing is just a symptom and example.

Bigger posted 4/15/2021 07:55 AM

The1stWife makes very good points.

What differentiates your classes from others?
You mention that one does more planks. Do the customers see that as the definite, best way to build abs? Is that correct? Is that class maybe the go-to abs class?


I try to teach the class I'd like to take myself.

Have you dissected your typical class and worded why you build your class up like you do? Why you start with A and then go to B and then C and so on. You might be offering the best all-rounded class, or the best cardio class, or the best abs class… but do your clients know it? Do they know what to expect and what the goal might be? WHY would you want a class like you teach?

sewardak posted 4/15/2021 08:27 AM

but do your clients know it? Do they know what to expect and what the goal might be? WHY would you want a class like you teach?

I have my regulars and I think that's why they come - they know what they're going to get.
I just want them ALL because I think I teach the best well rounded class.
Also, we're a yoga studio. We should teach yoga, not an hour of plank central - go to the gym for that. But.... so I guess I'm on a bit of a soapbox too. But the area I'm in ppl want a tough workout, not a meditation space. My classes venture towards the former while remaining true to actual yoga, IMO. But ppl don't care about that, or at least not all do. They just want a workout.

[This message edited by sewardak at 8:28 AM, April 15th (Thursday)]

sisoon posted 4/15/2021 11:33 AM

Are you saying that some people don't want to be true to yoga, but you do?

Possible things you could say to yourself:

I get to offer what I want to offer.

Others get to choose what they want.

They aren't rejecting me - they're going for what they want, and I just don't want to offer that.

Yoga isn't for everyone, but it's what I want to teach.

sewardak posted 4/15/2021 11:36 AM

:)

I just had a long talk with my friend who goes. She said she always knows what to expect when she goes to xxx's class but with mine, it's a surprise. So, I suppose some ppl like continuity, but some like creative flows (my class). Again, I need to teach the class I want to take and my people will come.

[This message edited by sewardak at 11:39 AM, April 15th (Thursday)]

Lionne posted 4/15/2021 16:39 PM

I was an avid gym goer preCovid. I mostly picked classes based on time and location. There were some instructors I liked better than others, but again, convenience was a major factor.

Yoga. Yeah. I started with a teacher who was completely predictable. I liked that for awhile. She gave clear enough directions, and we became familiar with her style so that we could follow without looking at her. That familiarity, particularly with skills that are new and challenging, was a bonus. She was replaced with someone who could not give clear directions. I once asked her if she could please use words like "left" and "right" when, for example, directing us to pigeon. She said that those words weren't important.

Some people just love plank. It's a whole body workout and it's hard to do it completely wrong. I suspect the folks that follow that class like the sameness, the simpleness, the sense of feeling completely confident that they know what they are doing.

My favorite teacher was probably more like you. She has a body to envy, not a pinch of extra flesh, but she is down to earth, makes you feel valued and respected and her classes are very challenging. I know a bunch of people that just won't go with her. Those of us who are followers are about 20-30 years older than her but grew a lot and gained much strength. I can't wait to get back to it.

Sounds like you're seeking value through external affirmation.

I think that's a useful observation, and, IMHO, a self destructive way to live. It's important to learn to self validate, and I hope you'll work on that.

It helped me, when rejected by several potential employers, to remind myself that I had absolutely no control over the actions of people who got the jobs instead of me. I didn't know if they had specific knowledge or skills that I lacked, if the interviewer had already decided, if his/her nephew was applying for the job, none of it was in my control. You really don't know if convenience or familiarity affects your attendance.

It might behoove you to ask another, impartial observer, to assess your performance as a teacher. Just be prepared to accept constructive criticism. Maybe there are things that keep you from being an appealing teacher to a wider audience.

sewardak posted 4/15/2021 17:44 PM

My favorite teacher was probably more like you. She has a body to envy, not a pinch of extra flesh, but she is down to earth, makes you feel valued and respected and her classes are very challenging. I know a bunch of people that just won't go with her. Those of us who are followers are about 20-30 years older than her but grew a lot and gained much strength. I can't wait to get back to it.

Thank you for answering, Lionne. thank you so much for this. It made me cry.
Ha, in my case I'm 55 and I have some my age attend my class but mostly 22 year olds (we live near university) that seek me out.

I did seek out two opinions today - one a dear friend who comes to my classes and another instructor who both said I'm an amazing instructor. I will keep trudging along teaching the class I want to take.

h

sewardak posted 4/15/2021 17:44 PM

My favorite teacher was probably more like you. She has a body to envy, not a pinch of extra flesh, but she is down to earth, makes you feel valued and respected and her classes are very challenging. I know a bunch of people that just won't go with her. Those of us who are followers are about 20-30 years older than her but grew a lot and gained much strength. I can't wait to get back to it.

Thank you for answering, Lionne. thank you so much for this. It made me cry.
Ha, in my case I'm 55 and I have some my age attend my class but mostly 22 year olds (we live near university) that seek me out.

I did seek out two opinions today - one a dear friend who comes to my classes and another instructor who both said I'm an amazing instructor. I will keep trudging along teaching the class I want to take.

h

tushnurse posted 4/15/2021 17:45 PM

I would say some people choose other classes because they are easier/harder, play betterment likable music to the individual, or just likes a different style of workout.

Thos has zero to do with the person you are or your classes. Now if you had 30 people in your class previously then it dropped to 20 then to 10 then to 5 it would be a different thing. But we all ha e different tastes. That's why there are choices out there in everything from foods, vehicles, homes, professions, and friends.

BearlyBreathing posted 4/16/2021 13:58 PM

Yoga is a funny thing. I like classes that sit somewhere between workout and more spiritual/mindful experience. Go too far to workout, then I’d rather take a Bootcamp or something. Too far to spiritual and it doesn’t work for me. Might be amazing class, but just doesn't fit my sweet spot.

It is NOT personal. Really. But yeah, I can see how hard it would be to not take it personally.

number4 posted 4/16/2021 16:45 PM

Interesting that you started this thread on Wednesday, and after I posted, I found out that my trainer has been training me virtually... from across the country (I thought she was still in LA at her apt.). She completely relocated three time zones away and didn't mention it to me. She said she thought she did.

I was only so-so with her approach to training. I was so spoiled by my previous trainer in IL that it was hard to live up to his experience. I was absolutely counting on her returning to my house to train me (we have a small room behind our garage that we've turned into a gym... thankfully before COVID when home exercise equipment was scare to be found) once she and I were both vaccinated. She got her first vaccine this week, and I get my second today - so I figured the countdown was on for her to return to my home. That's obviously not going to happen, so I'm in the hunt for a new trainer.

I posted something on Nextdoor this morning, and have already gotten a couple of referrals, one being a trainer himself. He asked me to provide some information regarding what were my goals, so I had to think long and hard about it. It made me acutely aware that my goals might be totally different than someone else's, and for that reason, I might prefer one trainer over another. Some people really want to focus more on strength, and others might want more cardio. We have a stepmaster, so I don't need too much cardio time with a trainer; I can do that without a trainer. But someone else who doesn't necessarily care about strength (or maintaining bone density in menopause), they may prefer more cardio. People come to classes and teachers based on what they think they need, even if you have a more broad-minded approach to fitness than they do. Some people don't feel like they've gotten a good workout unless they sweat up a storm; I'm not that type. I also do Pilates twice a week (will be returning to the studio in two weeks!!), so I need a workout that complements my Pilates.

There are just so many variables... as many as there are people who workout. Just think of all the people who wouldn't be seen dead in a fitness class, yet are very fit through other physical activities. So don't take it personally - people make fitness choices based on what works best for them, and for obvious choices, enough people choose your class because it works for them.

So don't take it personally (easier said than done, as said by the person who takes things very personally).

Hang in there for the people who really want to do your class!

million pieces posted 4/16/2021 19:39 PM

Ok, I'm not a yoga fan, or really a gym fan (I'm a long distance runner) but over the past few years I've started doing some cross training videos online especially in the winter months. How I pick a class does not always have to do with the actual workout. The music, how much they talk, is it a female that is way cuter than me?, does the guy say that my favorite song reminds him of his mom , etc. I've been doing Beachbody and Peleton. It will also be about my mood at the time. Please, please, please don't think it is a reflection on you at all, there could be sooo many other factors involved.

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