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Very strange question

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 OwningItNow (original poster Member #52288) posted at 5:03 AM on Friday, April 9th, 2021

But I am honestly wondering.

Does a man see a woman eating a banana and immediately think of sex? Is it inappropriate for me to eat a banana at work? I honestly feel lecherous vibes from men when I eat a banana (which I frequently do, it's my breakfast) but feel zero weird vibes from women.

Am I inviting weird sexual thoughts by eating a banana in front of men? Do these men think I WANT their sexual attention when I eat a banana? (Ugh!!!! My worst fear.) Should I even care what they think?

As I ate a banana for breakfast this morning, I accidentally met eyes with a coworker as he looked at me. (I normally try to eat my banana when nobody is around.) The look on his face grossed me out and stuck with me all day.

I do not know how to feel about my banana habit. Am I naively inviting sexual attention? Can anyone relate, or am I overthinking this?

I am self-conscious about eating bananas, and I'm resentful that I am self-conscious about eating bananas. I'm embarrassed to be posting this topic, but I really want to know if certain foods invite sexual attention. And if so, whose fault is that? Grrrr.

Ice cream cones.

Lollipops.

Bananas.

Can any women relate to feeling self-conscious with certain foods?

[This message edited by OwningItNow at 11:04 PM, April 8th (Thursday)]

me: BS/WS
h: WS/BS

Reject the rejector.
Do not reject yourself.

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 OwningItNow (original poster Member #52288) posted at 5:07 AM on Friday, April 9th, 2021

Sometimes I get the vibe that men think I WANT them to see me in a sexual way in that moment, and it gets me so upset. I'm just trying to eat. Not make anyone think anything.

My coworker actually smiled and said, "How's the banana?" Oh, come on!!!!! You are not really wondering that!

[This message edited by OwningItNow at 11:10 PM, April 8th (Thursday)]

me: BS/WS
h: WS/BS

Reject the rejector.
Do not reject yourself.

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Lostgirl410 ( Member #71112) posted at 5:10 AM on Friday, April 9th, 2021

I can relate.

I think it's stupid, but I can relate. I do the best I can to actively avoid any activity which could be mistakenly construed as sexual, such as eat a banana in public, but I still believe it is utter bullshit.

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 OwningItNow (original poster Member #52288) posted at 5:14 AM on Friday, April 9th, 2021

I still believe it is utter bullshit.

Because it is!

All day long I argued with myself about whether or not I allowed him to violate me (because that's how I felt, sexualized in a way that I did not want or ask for).

Males, any thoughts? Do you feel we are intentionally sexualizing ourselves by eating certain foods in front of you?

me: BS/WS
h: WS/BS

Reject the rejector.
Do not reject yourself.

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LadyG ( Member #74337) posted at 6:13 AM on Friday, April 9th, 2021

There’s something about the banana that turns men especially into immature little kids.

My daughter loved bananas but became self conscious about eating them at school as the boys would tease her, calling her a monkey for liking bananas.

I starting breaking them up or slicing them if I had to eat one at work in front of anyone.

The banana is the perfect take anywhere snack as they come with their own biodegradable packaging.

All I can say to your work colleagues, is Grow Up!

September 26 1987 I married a monster. Chronic Complex PTSD. I Need Peace. Fiat Lux. Buddha’s Love Saves Me 🙏🏼

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Adira ( Member #77327) posted at 6:35 AM on Friday, April 9th, 2021

I can relate.

No it's not inappropriate to eat a banana at work, it's that some men are inappropriate.

This is what I do - slice it with a small sharp knife & eat each slice of banana off the blade.

I'll bite an ice cream cone too if I ever feel the need to unnerve a skeevy pig.

[This message edited by Adira at 12:36 AM, April 9th (Friday)]

Me BW, STBXWH covert NPD
2 teenage kids
M: 24 years, together 27 years
3x DDays: 08/2017; 10/2017; 02/2018 with the Hobbit Howorker.
False R: 02/2018-12/2020
Currently in IHS

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devotedman ( Member #45441) posted at 6:37 AM on Friday, April 9th, 2021

Of course I've read/seen bananas turned into a sexual reference.

Stupidest thing that I've ever heard of. I associate eating a banana with consuming food.

I'd like to apologize for the persons of my sex that are morons.

Me: 2xBS b 1962
xWW after 2 decades, xWGF after almost 1.
Amelia Pond: Who are you?
The Doctor: I don't know yet. I'm still cooking.
ENFP-A. Huh.

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Sceadugenga ( Member #74429) posted at 7:17 AM on Friday, April 9th, 2021

I'd like to apologize for the persons of my sex that are morons.


Never apologise for someone else's actions (especially if/when they are, admittedly, morons :-)

Edit: young kids get a pass

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3rdTimeIsACharm ( New Member #78551) posted at 10:02 AM on Friday, April 9th, 2021

Media has done a „great“ job in turning a banana eating woman into a sexual object.

I admit, my brain is wired to connect pictures from commercials to an actual woman eating a banana, it’s not nice but that’s how our brains work.

However, I do recognize this and definitely don’t assume the woman in front of me wants anything from me.

I keep my cool and look the other way.

Men acting on this thought are gross if they know or naive/gullible if they don’t.

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rugswept ( Member #48084) posted at 10:09 AM on Friday, April 9th, 2021

Unfortunately males, and that includes proper males, are triggered into basal thoughts when any phallic object is involved in the way you described. It's something from the lizard brain.

Decent men suppress the observation. Porn leerers just love it as a live show. That's reality.

So, yes, your very worst fears and concerns are very real and justified. Toss this one in with "bending over" in the presence of males.

Very simple advice: for your own sake, please use dining utensils when in public and consuming things and avoid things where that isn't possible.

R'd (rug swept everything) decades ago.
I'm big on R. Very happy marriage but can never forget.

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 OwningItNow (original poster Member #52288) posted at 10:44 AM on Friday, April 9th, 2021

Ugh. I had never given it thought before, but subconsciously I've always avoided eating them in front of males. I don't remember telling myself to avoid it, but that's what I've done. The times I've been uncomfortable have been when someone has walked in as I'm starting to take a bite.

I decided to look online and saw an article about Vietnam and the way they teach girls that "good girls break their banana in two." I can't believe we have to do that.

Is there really no way to stop men (in general) from sexualizing us as we simply live our lives?

Another recent upsetting realization: when I smile at men, they think there is interest. I did not realize how many men perceive me as "giving them" a smile, in essence stealing my right to smile because I'm in a good mood or whatever. So here I've been living my life oblivious to the fact that I was sending signals to men (well, some or many men) that I liked them or enjoyed them. I did not know they perceived my smile as about them!!!!

The Sam Hunt song "I Just Want To Take Your Time" has the line "I don't know if you're looking at me, maybe you smile like that at everyone." At someone? I don't really smile at people, maybe children. Otherwise, I smile based on my day or the content of our conversation, not the person I'm addressing!

I feel very violated in a way that's hard to explain, like someone is taking a part of me--my sexuality--that I did not and am not giving them. I feel like they are stealing it. And if it happens to me, it happens to all other women, too. I work with women who would not be bothered by men viewing them as interested or enticing sexual objects, but I am bothered. Maybe because of what I've been through. Maybe I feel triggered, I don't know.

I want to laugh and smile without sending signals.

I want to eat bananas freely without anyone imagining me in bed.

And I want to bend over and pick something up without considering every angle of my body.

[This message edited by OwningItNow at 4:51 AM, April 9th (Friday)]

me: BS/WS
h: WS/BS

Reject the rejector.
Do not reject yourself.

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DIFM ( Member #1703) posted at 11:04 AM on Friday, April 9th, 2021

First let me say I am sorry you even have to think of these things.

I am a man with a healthy sex drive and and I have never fell into this stereotype of thinking of sexual thoughts or lurid mental responses from a woman eating or holding anything that was not with an intentional purpose to elicit that kind of response. Nothing about a woman eating a banana conjures up sexual thoughts in me. I know it is a comedic stereotype for tv shows and movies and water cooler banter, but raises no interest in sexual thoughts in me and, in my long life I have never had any conversation with or heard directly any man comment on the sexual mental gymnastics over a co worker eating a banana.

Now, if I had a partner who, intentionally, was trying to send a sexual message and used a banana for that purpose, I would get the message, but it would not be any big turn on.

Is there really no way to stop men (in general) from sexualizing us as we simply live our lives?

I think that ship sailed long, long, long ago. In todays media driven world, there is no shortage of both sexes eager to sexualize women to sell almost anything.

Unfortunately, there is no way to stop some people from doing some things. We have to navigate the world in which we live, not the one we wished we lived in. Some men and women are idiots and, as we know from this forum, without any couth or skills in appropriate behavior. So, yes some men will look at you eating banana, or leaning one inch forward to catch a glimpse of cleavage, or think things you are lucky to not have to hear out loud. Some men are jerks, insensitive, uncouth, boorish, masoginists.

Eat what you want, don't concern over that one in a hundred idiot, that you cannot control, does.

[This message edited by DIFM at 5:21 AM, April 9th, 2021 (Friday)]

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 OwningItNow (original poster Member #52288) posted at 11:40 AM on Friday, April 9th, 2021

Eat what you want, don't concern over that one in a hundred idiot, that you cannot control, does.

This is the right attitude, I know. Thank you. I don't know why I find the stealing of my sexuality so triggery but I do. I have experienced a lot of sexual harassment in my career. My place of employment is notoriously lax in this area, and the women have suffered.

[This message edited by OwningItNow at 5:41 AM, April 9th (Friday)]

me: BS/WS
h: WS/BS

Reject the rejector.
Do not reject yourself.

posts: 5263   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2016   ·   location: Midwest
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Butforthegrace ( Member #63264) posted at 11:55 AM on Friday, April 9th, 2021

I am a man of a certain age, lived may decades. I've been a horny bastard my whole life and this hasn't abated. I won't take the high road here. I've always thought of sex when I see a woman eating any phallic object, banana being exhibit A. I know many of my friends do as well. We'd never admit it to people we know, and in environments like work we play it off or divert our gaze so we don't watch. But yes, this type of thinking is ever-present.

"The wicked man flees when no one chases."

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tushnurse ( Member #21101) posted at 1:45 PM on Friday, April 9th, 2021

This is just screwed up.

If I found a coworker leering at me while eating a banana, I would be tempted to be prepared for the next time w/ a sharp large knife, and a paper plate, and I would whip it out and ginsu the fuck out of that nana. Then I'd look up and leer back at the fuckstick that started this shit.

IT IS WRONG. Yes he was wrong, yes it is 150% on him that he did this, and nothing to do with you. But I would be ready to teach him a lesson next time.

Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 21 &23
Married for 28 years now, was 16 at the time.
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

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dogcopter ( Member #77390) posted at 1:56 PM on Friday, April 9th, 2021

Lol I have never felt that reaction.

I can only speak for me, but the biting, severing, and chewing doesn't really do it for me.

Maybe chomp with more gusto?

[This message edited by dogcopter at 7:59 AM, April 9th (Friday)]

1st D-Day: Nov 2015
Many more D-Days.
nth D-Day: Jan 2021

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Unhinged ( Member #47977) posted at 2:11 PM on Friday, April 9th, 2021

It's hard to take this conversation seriously when all I can think about is an old (as in original cast old) Saturday Night Live skit about Freud, his daughter, and everyone eating bananas.

Heading towards divorce
D-Day April, 2015

"The Universe is not short on wake-up calls. We're just quick to hit the snooze button."
-Brene Brown

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survrus ( Member #67698) posted at 2:17 PM on Friday, April 9th, 2021

OIN,

Put a label on the knife "for castration only"

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Neanderthal ( Member #71141) posted at 3:14 PM on Friday, April 9th, 2021

I don't know if this helps or hurts but here's what I've experienced. It may not have anything to do with you. But everything to do with the banana and the act. Even in a room full of straight men. If one of those men eats a banana without cutting it up. Someone is going to snicker and probably make a corny joke.

No excuse for your coworker. He showed his ass with the comment he made.

I'm guilty of thinking of things in a sexual way when they weren't intended to be. Ask me what I see when I stare at the clouds....probably boobs.

I'm also afraid to eat a peach in public. Thanks emojis.

Me: WS/BS
XW: Lifedestroyer (LD)

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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 3:36 PM on Friday, April 9th, 2021

If a newbie asked this question, I'd think 'Probable troll.'

Sex is on my mind a lot, even now. I suspect sexual hormones start flowing when I even think of my W.

As it happens, my W likes bananas, too. I have never seen eating a banana as sexual. Assuming that you eat your banana by biting off piece after piece, I have a hard time even imagining it's sexual.

I guess a messed up masochist may get turned on by a woman eating a banana piece by piece, though. I wouldn't use tush's technique on a suspected masochist ... but with a normal person, her method has a lot to recommend it. Sharp, sharp knife; slow, deliberate cuts....

I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

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