"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

katmandude54 posted 4/27/2021 09:54 AM

FYI: You CAN call 911 on a locked and out-of-contract cell.

DragnHeart posted 4/27/2021 15:48 PM

Hey Gotta, go get a pay as you go phone.

Next time he pulls that shit make sure you have your pay as you go phone set to display "unknown caller" so it doesn't shoe your number, call him and tell him hes a selfish, manchild who should rot in hell.

ArkLaMiss posted 4/27/2021 23:26 PM

Any news on the divorce front? Just wondering if you're still in house separated or not? Good luck.

Gottagetthrough posted 5/1/2021 04:23 AM

Yep, still in same house. Was actually coming here to post on the “say it here so u dont talk to them” or whatever its called thread

Dude is Not.Worth.It. Don’t engage .

Just get pissed at him sometimes and think he will respond like a normal human. I know he won’t so it’s futile to even talk to him.

Ok. Feel better now.

homewrecked2011 posted 5/1/2021 21:23 PM

Yeah, it’s unbelievable that they cannot communicate logically. I also realized he needed more help than I was qualified to give and I just backed away and grey rock him still. I want to tell him how great I am without him, but I had to keep my home peaceful once he was finally out of here and even now, years later.

EllieKMAS posted 5/1/2021 21:41 PM

Dude is Not.Worth.It. Don’t engage.

Just get pissed at him sometimes and think he will respond like a normal human. I know he won’t so it’s futile to even talk to him.

Ding ding ding!! You are spot on.

Damn I'm proud of you. You have come such a long way. You should be proud of yourself too!!

99problems posted 5/1/2021 21:54 PM

I hope you are doing well. Let me tell you that even though going through this process is unbelievably painful, it is entirely worth it for the end result.

Your life can be so much better, I hope you can see that.

Gottagetthrough posted 5/3/2021 20:16 PM

Damn I'm proud of you. You have come such a long way. You should be proud of yourself too!!

Honestly, it just feels like I gave up. But there is no way i can un-give up… if that makes sense? Like, i lost the fight. For years i would not give up no matter what, and now its sort of the opposite. I just dont care about the relationship anymore, and i dont think i could be convinced to care ever again.

BearlyBreathing posted 5/3/2021 20:46 PM

Its not giving up when you were just banging your head on a wall. He will never change.
So you had to.

You are doing great! Bravo!!

Bigger posted 5/4/2021 06:15 AM

I’m glad you are taking action and getting out of what sounds like an abusive marriage.

HOWEVER!!!
If he’s abusive and if he’s domineering and if he thinks he’s losing control of the situation you can bet your last dollar that he will use events like the shredded suits, the dumped clothes and other comparable acts to his best advantage.
Like for example: to counter the prime-custody agreement based on recent action clearly showing you have mental issues…

Not saying you do! Just pointing out how he can use your actions to his advantage.
PLEASE – Keep the end-goal in mind. Be as amicable as needed while remaining firm on your decision and your destination.

little turtle posted 5/4/2021 07:51 AM

For years i would not give up no matter what, and now its sort of the opposite. I just dont care about the relationship anymore, and i dont think i could be convinced to care ever again.

I can completely relate to this. I was 100% committed to my marriage, even while he was in a relationship with OW. Once I finally had enough, I had to give up the marriage and focus on myself and my kids. My kids deserved so much better. A real family. I didn't want them growing up thinking it's OK to behave this way.

What are the next steps? How are you going to get him out of your house? Can the owner evict him?? Are you planning to move away?

tushnurse posted 5/4/2021 19:21 PM

It may feel like giving up now but reality is that y I u ha e decided your kids and you do kot need to be abused and that you all deserve much better.

Gottagetthrough posted 5/4/2021 19:59 PM

Bigger- that reminds me, i dont know if i updated about the shredded suits? I looked at the the next day and was shocked that I really only ruined one jacket. 2 jackets had a rip each, and wh thought that the dog did it since he takes his suits off and leaves them on the floor.

He took the two to a seamstress who fixed them… one looks weird (you can see the thread) but the other is great and usable.

I hid the really shredded one in the bottom of my closet so he has no idea. I guess i gas lit him? I told him it was because he leaves them on the floor, and he felt badly. (Not that its changed him leaving them on the floor)

Gottagetthrough posted 5/4/2021 20:03 PM

What are the next steps? How are you going to get him out of your house? Can the owner evict him?? Are you planning to move away

He can be evicted, yes, but he says he will embarrass me and scream the whole way out and make a scene. I dint want that because i like most of my neighbors and dont want them to think im a psycho and they wont leg their kids play with mine.

Kids are out of school in 2.5 weeks and we are going away for the summer, to family out of state. I wont move away yet because my adhd son has a GREAT school he is at and i want him to go there.

nekonamida posted 5/4/2021 21:54 PM

GGT, what other options do you have then? Surely you're not planning on living with him indefinitely just because he'll make a scene. What would be the point of a D then when your living situation stays the same and he maintains control over your life?

Bonetired posted 5/6/2021 10:32 AM

Good for you Gotta.Definitey agree with buying a prepaid phone and replacing anything else he has control of.

aprilfool1985 posted 5/6/2021 20:39 PM

Gotta, he is using your fear of a scene to keep you in this situation.

Can you manage the situation with the neighbors? Are there neighbors you can confide in to warn them that there might be a scene? Are there any neighbors in enough contact with the troublesome next door neighbors to run interference for you to warn them? Are there friends or classmates who could take your children for the day? It might take time to make the contacts and prepare. Does your lawyer have any advice on how to remove him, given the tactics he says he will use?

If you are playing the scene in your head as shaming you, can you rewrite it as your community supporting you?

EllieKMAS posted 5/7/2021 16:12 PM

He can be evicted, yes, but he says he will embarrass me and scream the whole way out and make a scene. I dint want that because i like most of my neighbors and dont want them to think im a psycho and they wont leg their kids play with mine.

Tell your neighbors what he did then. He won't embarrass anyone but his own self behaving like a tantruming toddler, especially if they know you're being a total badass kicking a cheating douchehole to the curb.

I mean seriously - what would YOU think seeing a grown ass man acting that way? I would think he was a ridiculous person.

ArkLaMiss posted 5/7/2021 18:38 PM

Gotta, which is worse? Him continuing to abuse and manipulate you by cheating AND holding you hostage, or you kicking him out and him acting a fool while leaving? You can hire an off duty officer to be there when he leaves. The question is, though, what's holding you back? I think you are afraid, which is normal. You really need to leave him. If not for you, for your kids. This isn't healthy for any of you.
Good luck.

Gottagetthrough posted 5/8/2021 07:09 AM

I think i have to accept that this is what will happen.

Lol, no, none of my neighbors talk to the mean ones next to us, we all gossip about them. (Which is the only thing that makes me feel better when they are turds is knowing that the other neighbors notice their bad behavior too). But seriously i dont care if they are bothered by him making a scene. I guess
Im just scared I will be the topic of cul de sac gossip next.

Im so tired i dont have the mental enery to go through with this. If i had the energy id be putting it into PT for my diastasis recti. This isnt even at the top of my list to do.

I just really hate him. I woke u p to texts this morning saying take down a picture of him on facebook (he played with the baby outside a few days ago and i have one pic of him in a grpup of 10)

He has pics of him with ow at work events or when we used to socialize, though.

He also yelled at me for planning to so something for our odest on Sunday. (Dont want to say what it is because its identifying info). However, it involves a 3 hour drive to and from. We have done this the last two weekends and this will be the last time. He says that having the baby drive so much is child abuse. He will hide my car keys so i cant go. (For the record, i plan the trip so baby will nap the first drive and on the way home we stop at a grocery store, he is in the cart (he loves this) we pick out healthy food like packaged berries, hummus and/ or packaged vegetarian sushi) then we go to a huge park with ducks and have a picnic. This is half way into the drive home, and splits it up really nicely!

So fuck him for saying im abusive!!! Damnit i try so hard and am constantly put down!!!

[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 7:11 AM, May 8th (Saturday)]