SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Ever since I became part of the irony of helping him with his divorce from the woman he left me for, I've been emotionally void.

She played the long game, and if I wasn't helping him, he would have lost everything. I helped him because my financial settlement is tied to him not going bankrupt.

I anticipated, derailed and have given him enough information to sink her ship ten fold. I've uncovered things she's done that may get her in serious legal trouble. I've been one step ahead of her the entire time, because I see her clearly. Once I got the first breadcrumb I was off to the races.

He's downplayed his "love" for her, said a million things about her that are nasty. The same things I'm sure he said about me. He does know he made a catastrophic mistake in life and he's seeing that it's destroyed his life. He will be lucky to ever fully recover.

He tried to smooze me from the moment he arrived. I declined, kept my distance. He tried harder. On Valentine's Day he showed up with roses, a teddy bear and chocolates. I balked. He said it's not a romantic gesture, but he wanted me to have a nice Valentine's Day since he knew the last few sucked, and he was responsible.

Fast forward past the last woman he tried to date around Christmas, that he figured out wanted nothing to really do with him.

He's now decided that I'm who he set his romantic sights on. We talk all the time, I've been clear I will not cross boundaries with him, and I'm not going to sleep with him or be romantic with him.

Today he called me and asked me if he got STD tested again to be safe, would I consider dating him again. I was proud of myself. I told him NO.

I said too much water has gone under the bridge and I couldn't undo the feelings and damage he caused. I wouldn't ever be able to let it go.

He then reminded me that he wants a monogamous relationship, a woman in his life, and he's changed, and he's sorry I can't see that he's a different person now. He wanted me to know he will date if the opportunity comes up. I told him he needs to work on himself.

He sounded disappointed, but he should be. He gave up his entire life for a whim. A woman he knew for 14 days under the premise that he didn't want to be the man he had been. He wanted to change. He got his change. He lost it all, and he deserves to be lonely.

The truth is he will find someone to love bomb, until they see him for the man he really is. He isn't that different. He was ready to date the moment he left her, and sleep with other women.

He's still a good 5 months from being divorced.

I think I've turned that magical corner. Indifference. I would rather be alone, single and by myself than with someone that can't see my worth or value. I DESERVE someone better than him, and I won't settle for less ever again.

Single is fine for me. I'm content with myself. Never thought I could do it, but I stood my ground.

Congratulations, Muggle. You are a beacon of hope for me. My XWH sends an email every few weeks begging for another chance, professing is undying love. It still hurts though I don't waiver - it's always, NO.

I look forward to the day I'm totally unfazed, like you.

Congrats Muggle!👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Muggle I have followed your story since you first posted here.

You have been through so much and now you see him for what he is.

I understand why you have to help him with this divorce and I don't blame you one bit.

After this divorce is final, is there any way you can add proection to your financial situation that no matter what he does you are protected?

Yay, Muggle. Well done!

Congratulations!

He then reminded me that he wants a monogamous relationship, a woman in his life, and he's changed, and he's sorry I can't see that he's a different person now.

Ha.

"A Woman". Not you and only you.

"A monogamous Relationship". Not you and only. you.

"he's sorry I can't see that he's a different person now'. YOU can't see it. What is wrong with you? ;-)

He wanted me to know he will date if the opportunity comes up.

Not, "I am committing to fixing my issues on my own so as to not involve anyone else. Hopefully in the next few years you can see this from afar and I can PROVE to you and myself I have become a different person. I would never disrespect you by assuming you would ever want me back."

Good job fending him off! Way to go.

I look forward to the day I'm totally unfazed

Same I still get rattled from it.

Muggle it is fantastic that you are totally indifferent I cannot wait to get to where you are!

Well done, Muggle!

I love this post, Muggle!

he's sorry I can't see that he's a different person now.

You're sorry that he burned that bridge.

We all have our crosses to bear.

(I like how it's your fault that YOU can see that he has changed. ASSHOLE. )

Great progress, Muggle!

Well done to you Muggle!

One thing with healing through all this is that we change throughout the process. I'm a different person than I was 3 years ago.

I would never date my ex even if she did change. So even "if" he has changed or will change in the future doesn't mean you're going to be same person as before. Good job and keep going!

Stay strong, Muggle.

Your story gives others strength, too.

After this divorce is final, is there any way you can add proection to your financial situation that no matter what he does you are protected?

Once I'm paid off, I will likely move across the US to where my sister lives. I may rent the house out, and use the rent to purchase another home, or I can sell it and have enough for most of my retirement.

I don't want a front row seat to his new dating life, or anyone he puts in it. He seems to think his best option is to just date and have no commitment and he mentioned that he doesn't think he really understands true love. I couldn't agree more, he has no concept of respect or real love.

I'm not his keeper anymore. I'm not responsible for his happiness, or his success now. He will truly know the depths of his loss when no one is left around him, which will happen if I move in the future. He's only starting to feel it now, and I can tell he's scrambling to figure out what to do now.

He continues to thank me for what I've done for him, and he just told me that he wants me to know how much he appreciated the years I gave him, and how he didn't appreciate it when he should have.

He's back peddling, hoping that over time I soften and he can end up back in the house I was awarded. I'm not blind. I can see the wheels turning. He thinks a bit of flattery, and charm and I'll be putty in his hands.

I'm keeping my assets that I was awarded, and he's not getting a penny of them.

I'm not totally unfazed by him, I've just reached a point where I no longer subscribe to the manipulationship I had with him anymore.

He thinks a bit of flattery, and charm and I'll be putty in his hands.

Of course he does, because it worked for a long time and he never believed you would grow and change and develop a freaking amazing backbone.

Well done Muggle. Shields up for always with him.

I love this for you, Muggle!

Your plan to move to your sister and be out of his reach sounds amazing.

I think I've turned that magical corner. Indifference. I would rather be alone, single and by myself than with someone that can't see my worth or value. I DESERVE someone better than him, and I won't settle for less ever again.

You are one class act Muggle! The clarity, strength and self-respect you are showing in your dealings with him, are nothing short of extraordinary

He stopped by today for work related things and was complaining about his life, and how "screwed over" he was by everyone.

I mentioned that my problems will start when my settlement money ends and I can't make enough to stay where I'm at.

He calmly looked at me and said that I had "options" that he gave me and that I had turned him down. He continued by offering me the opportunity to rekindle things and see if it could be different.

In what world does he really think this is an option? LOL

Sure, I want to start over with someone that lied to me for almost 2 decades, wasn't ever faithful. Not once or twice but many times. He left me for a woman he met and knew 14 days and never looked back with a moment of remorse. He shouted his happiness and flaunted it to me. He sued me and didn't want anything to do with me until his marriage went to shitzville.

He then decided I was the greatest thing since sliced bread, he's made mistakes and he had an epiphany. This of course was AFTER he dated someone else and she also bailed out on him.

Nope, never, not going to happen. We can share memories and maybe laugh at life, but I'm not going to believe for one minute that I'm his soul mate or the one he was destined to be with.

I'm a convenience, a life line to normal life. He can't walk this back, he just can't. I lived my life seconds at at time when this happened, traumatized, hurt and suffering for endless hours. He is seeing how it feels to be hopeless, lonely, and he doesn't like it.

I'm not the solution. He's not my answer. Life will continue without being in each other's intimate orbit. Move along...I'm not the droid he's looking for.

He calmly looked at me and said that I had "options" that he gave me and that I had turned him down. He continued by offering me the opportunity to rekindle things and see if it could be different.

Literal LOL on that one. I hope you did the same.