Her IC came up with an exercise to tell each other what you would want your ideal partner's traits to be.
If I recall you captured a VAR convo where she told someone she flat wasn't attracted to you and was very attracted to her AP (who sounds like a very unattractive guy, which is usually the case, but there's no accounting for bad taste among WW's).
Anyway, has that changed at all? Really?
You can't negotiate attraction. You wanna wait around for her finally have some magical epiphany one day and get the tingles for you again?
And it's really less about what she can manufacture in her own head, and much more about what you want. I can tell you for damn sure just from reading your posts that you are a standup guy who doesn't deserve to be shackled to a perimenopausal harridan.
let's say she figures this all out in about, oh, I don't know, ten years and then realizes with horror all the damage she's done. You wanna sit and stew through that shit show?
You said you wanted a vivacious woman who is attracted to you and enjoys sex with you.
You should because that's what every man wants and what every faithful man deserves.
Is that same woman your wife -- the person who spent how many countless hours deceiving you, badmouthing you and getting it on with another guy in a parked car?
Here's the thing: You have a Janus for a WW. The things she said that you captured on VAR, those are real thoughts she never thought you'd learn about.
Those thoughts included contempt for you, lust for him, lack of affection for you, a willingness to gaslight you with fake affection the same night she was badmouthing you, etc.
How long would this affair have continued had you not exposed it?
That's the person you're married to, brother. That's her.
And lastly, how many times have you had to prompt her, take her to the brink, to get her to do anything? Has she been proactive, really proactive, on anything?
It seems to me looking in from the outside that you're dealing with a woman who doesn't really get how toxic her betrayal has been. I mean, like down in her bones. She's unable to step outside of her comfort zone to give voice to your pain. And mostly, it seems to be about her, about her pain, about her fantasyland, about her needs, about the false narratives she told herself about her life in order to make it okay hurt you and betray you.
Now, look, I'm one to talk: I'm still limping along in limbo with my WW. She failed a polygraph one year ago.
But do you really want to be me, three years from now?
[This message edited by Thumos at 7:42 PM, May 7th (Friday)]