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What, if anything, would you do about this?

JanaGreen posted 11/30/2020 14:13 PM

I wasn't sure whether to put this here or in off topic, but ultimately this is about me TRYING to have a life as separate from my ex as possible, so I am going to post here.

So, to start at the start, last year sometime before I moved, ex got a ticket because he ran a red light that had a camera. Of course, he declared he wasn't going to pay that. And of course, he hadn't switched his address on his license even thought he moved out over a year before that, so the ticket came to my house, and then the next notice, and then the letters from the law office/collection agency. So I just sent them all to him, and he of course ignored them. I just started throwing them away.

Then I moved, and the letters started coming to my NEW house. And it's illogical of course, but it INFURIATED me to see his name associated with my new address. This is MY house and he's never lived here. So I called the law office and told him that we are divorced and he is not associated with this address. They tried to get me to give them his contact information, and I said I don't want to be in the middle of it and hung up. So those letters stopped.

BUT. Now I get junk mail here for him. And that's annoying as fuck. But whatever, I toss it.

So I contacted my mortgage guy about refinancing my house, and I guess due to something he had to do with that process I started getting calls and letters about refinancing. Whatever. Then the other day I got a letter about refinancing MY home . . . with HIS name on it. They had the closing date wrong, and the loan value wrong, but it was a letter to refinance with his name on it and my address.

Do I need to do anything about this? My bf said I should call them because they had my ex associated with my home and I need to correct that but I'm more thinking it's spam and I should ignore it, even though it pisses me off.

I also got a letter from PayPal today with ex's name "or owner" and his business name associated with it - it irritates the fuck out of me. I'm sure he isn't getting a bunch of mail with MY name on it, but because of his dumb unpaid ticket, his name has gotten all comingled with my address. It's maddening.

Thanks if you made it through my whole rant!

Catwoman posted 11/30/2020 15:09 PM

Actually, he probably has nothing to do with this. I get tons of mail for my ex (divorced in 2006, mind you) at this residence (which he never owned).

A good way to know if a letter is "serious" is to look at the postal indicia. If it is standard mail, it's not important. BY LAW, entities cannot use standard mail for things like invoices, etc. So if it's standard mail (which I suspect it is), it's just a solicitation. If it is not, I would contact the entity and have them remove your ex from any association with that address.

Cat

million pieces posted 11/30/2020 16:41 PM

I just moved in April, I get stuff with my ex's name sent to this new address. Divorced in 2011. I hate it, but what can you do?

JanaGreen posted 11/30/2020 17:01 PM

OK, it sounds like something I should maybe just calm down about

J707 posted 11/30/2020 20:22 PM

My parents divorced in 2000, both moved to new rentals. My mom bought her own house 8 or 9 years later. She still gets random things every once and awhile for my Dad. It's mostly junk mail though.

EvenKeel posted 12/1/2020 07:24 AM

I am 10 yrs out and still get stuff. If it is junk, I trash it. If it looks legit, I write 'No such person at this address, return to sender' and put back in the mailbox.

If anyone calls looking for him, I give his number. He can deal with them if he doesn't want the call.

When those ticket folks called - you better believe I would have given his new number. That is his mess to clean up!

WhoTheBleep posted 12/1/2020 08:43 AM

Oh yeah, I'm with evenkeel. They would have gotten his new address and phone number.

I get what you're saying about not wanting to see his name on your stuff. I bought my house 3 years ago. It was a rental for 10 years before that. Very few things in my mailbox actually have my name on it. Most things have the names of previous tenants (so many that I have lost count). Annoying.

I recently started a new job and have my surname embroidered on all of my shirts. When I picked them up at the tailor, and saw that name (married name because my divorce is not yet final), I was a little nauseous. And angry. Yes it's also my kids name, and I'm okay with that. I'm just so done with it being my name. Everyone refers to me by my maiden name at this point, but legally, everything is still in my married name.

EllieKMAS posted 12/1/2020 12:41 PM

I don't blame you for being pissed. I got a piece of mail with my exdouche's EXWIFE's name on it at my house last week and felt the same pissed-off feeling (mind you, she has never even lived in my state, I have never met her, the house is in my name only). It was a collection notice so here's hoping the crazy bitch is is financial trouble.

For the mortgage stuff, I would give them a call. You don't want to have mortgage complication down the road and you for sure don't want him being able to access that info in any way. If it were me, I would call and let them know to remove his name from all of it.

wildbananas posted 12/1/2020 13:19 PM

You aren't alone in your annoyance. laugh We've been done since 2007. Where I currently live, I bought this house all on my own 5 years ago. And every now and then, I'll get something in the mailbox with his name on it. I've even gotten a couple debt collector calls on my cell for him, too. It got that number years after we split! I ignore it all.

But what makes me maddest of all? Getting something in the mail with my old married name. I took back my maiden name in the D; I even started using it again before the D was finalized. Ohhhhh doggies, that REALLY gets my hackles up! laugh

allusions posted 12/1/2020 21:03 PM

I recently got a very part-time job and had to go through all sorts of background checks and such. One of the background questions asked, as some sort of identity verification, where my first husband now lives, the man I divorced in 1985! It's crazy how that information is floating around and somehow making a connection to me after 35 years!

JanaGreen posted 12/1/2020 23:49 PM

For the mortgage stuff, I would give them a call. You don't want to have mortgage complication down the road and you for sure don't want him being able to access that info in any way.

Oh, just to be clear, the letter wasn't from MY actual mortgage guy that I'm working on the refinance with. That's good to go and should happen on Dec 18. The letter was one of those, you have equity in your home, call us and refinance and get money! kind of letters.

But I think one of us tossed it because I,can't find it now.

barcher144 posted 12/2/2020 10:13 AM

Do I need to do anything about this? My bf said I should call them because they had my ex associated with my home and I need to correct that but I'm more thinking it's spam and I should ignore it, even though it pisses me off.

It's spam, almost certainly.

Feel free to still be pissed off.

This is relevant to something going on in my divorce/new beginning.

Basically, when you change addresses... the post office can give out your new address to someone who sends mail to that address.

Return Service Requested provides address correction services and always returns the piece.

Address Service Requested provides forwarding and address correction services when possible. If the mail is undeliverable and not forwardable, it is returned to the sender with the reason identified on the mailpiece.

Change Service Requested

This way, your credit card company often will know your new address before you tell them that you have moved.

A suggestion: Can you go to the USPS and put in an address change form for your Ex?

JanaGreen posted 12/2/2020 10:26 AM

I don't know, barcher. That was my boyfriend's suggestion as well.

My mom is a retired mail carrier. I asked her what to do with mail that comes to me with his name on it. She said, "If it's a check, cash it. If it's a bill, send it to him." hardy has, mom.

tushnurse posted 12/2/2020 13:30 PM

I have a semi-literate mail carrier, I get others people mail with other addresses in my box several times a week.
I put it back in my box, and put the flag up... try again dummy.
But for stuff that comes to MY address with wrong names for people that don't live here, I put No such person at this address and stick it back in the box. It gets taken away as well, I just have no idea if it goes to the right person eventually or just ends up on the side of the road....

AnnieOakley posted 12/2/2020 13:37 PM

If you have his address, you can update/forward it online if I recall. If I were you, I would be thoroughly irritated each time I got something with his name on it at your cooty free safe zone.

barcher144 posted 12/2/2020 14:02 PM

I don't know, barcher. That was my boyfriend's suggestion as well.

My mom is a retired mail carrier. I asked her what to do with mail that comes to me with his name on it. She said, "If it's a check, cash it. If it's a bill, send it to him." hardy has, mom.

I was assuming that you were trying to be nice to your ex. I didn't question that assumption.

Personally, I agree with your mom -- that's what I'd do.

little turtle posted 12/2/2020 16:52 PM

I'm in the same boat. I get coupons/advertisements for Bed Bath & Beyond in his name! Not sure how that happened since he never lived here and I haven't lived with him since 2011. I just ignore it as it's not worth whatever hassle to undo it.

Mel61 posted 12/2/2020 22:40 PM

Retired postal worker, this is a common mailing list problem. I don't know where some of these companies buy their lists but oh man can they screw them up. At my house we built it, we get mail for 3 of my sister in laws, two brother in laws and due to similar last names and handling my father's estate mail for him and my mom who has been deceased almost a decade.

Phoenix1 posted 12/3/2020 01:51 AM

If it is something that has "Return Service Requested" I completely block out my address, including any barcodes, and write "not at this address, return to sender." If I don't do that, it sometimes actually comes back to me. First class mail gets the same. Junk gets tossed because I was told it won't be returned to sender any way.

However, any time a process server has come by I absolutely share his last known contact info. I feel it is my civic duty to help them locate him.

wildbananas posted 12/3/2020 08:58 AM

However, any time a process server has come by I absolutely share his last known contact info. I feel it is my civic duty to help them locate him.

Of course. I think it's what any of us would do. laugh

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