Newest Member: Lilident

I Can Relate :
Betrayed Womenz Thread - Part 4

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Chili ( Member #35503) posted at 11:54 PM on Thursday, October 15th, 2020

Love your kind of exercise LE. I'll play! In the middle of some new challenges (which I posted about in NB so I won't drone on about it here) - I spend every day doing what I can to find some joy and gratitude for sure.

1. That pup of mine. Literally born on 4th of July right after Dday. My freedom and new beginning dog x 2 and the best running buddy ever. Makes me laugh every single day.

2. A new decadent house project that will benefit my physical and mental health. Schedules for everything you can buy these days is horribly behind - but that just means I'll have lots of months of good anticipation.

3. My wonderful lifelong friends spread out all over the place. They are so creative and interesting and funny and true. I never know when I'm going to get a silly or kind text. Some crazy shit in the mail. Or a zoom chat where we laugh at the latest boneheaded thing we've done. I feel surrounded by them every day even though no one has really set foot in my house in months.

(P.S. Mmmmm...broccoli cheese soup. I love rocking it in the kitchen too LE, but I've been very neglectful to myself in that way lately. Perhaps it's time to get my butt back in the kitchen where it belongs).

2012 pretty much sucked.
Things no longer suck.
Loving flying solo with the co-pilot chili dog.
"Life teaches you how to live it if you live long enough" - Tony Bennett

posts: 2136   ·   registered: May. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: Reality
id 8598107
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EllieKMAS ( Member #68900) posted at 12:02 AM on Friday, October 16th, 2020

I love rocking it in the kitchen too LE, but I've been very neglectful to myself in that way lately. Perhaps it's time to get my butt back in the kitchen where it belongs

Umm yeah Chili... Make me a sammich

You know I actually had an epiphany about this recently. I am a good cook and I enjoy cooking. But I really hadn't cooked much this last year. Been eating crap. Ordering too much takeout and fast food. I would always find some excuse to not cook. Too tired, not enough inspiration, etc.

Well I started on keto recently so that has forced me to plan more. But thinking back... When I was still married, I did all the cooking and the bulk of the grocery shopping. I'd plan dinners and come home and make them for the douche-supreme. Even if I was tired I still did that. I think I deserve just as much care shown to myself as I did for him. Kinda blew my mind how neglectful I have been being of me.

Ps... Keto is fucking amazing!!

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3138   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8598110
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skeetermooch ( Member #72169) posted at 12:54 AM on Friday, October 16th, 2020

Hey all,

Great exercise!

1. I can do handstands now, after months of working on it!

2. My adorable, sweet son. He's such a great kid. He's disabled and he puts himself out there, makes friends, tries new things and is always in a good mood.

3. My fruit trees - love the magic of eating right off the tree in my own yard.

Me: BS 50sDDay 1 - 7/2019Separated - 11/2019False Reconciliation - Spring 2020DDay 2 - 8/23/2020DIVORCED - January 2021

posts: 1165   ·   registered: Nov. 28th, 2019
id 8598128
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20yrsagoBS ( Member #55272) posted at 3:17 AM on Friday, October 16th, 2020

1. I am grateful that I am a successful, employed healthcare professional who loves her work

2. I am grateful for my two amazing children

3. I am grateful for wonderful friends, a sweet little dog, and my fantastic pool

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2101   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8598164
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Throwaway999 ( Member #72413) posted at 4:34 AM on Friday, October 16th, 2020

I will play along as well...

1) I am every day thankful and grateful for my 3 kids...since WH passed we have a stronger than ever bond. It gives me joy to see them make their ways out into the world..step by step.

2) My crazy fur kids...2 dogs and a very old cat. My WH hated our cat...lol. He is 19 years old and going strong. As much as I hated cleaning up doggy puke (twice) and walking the pups in the rain today...I am thankful for their company every morning and each night.

3). My IRL friends and all the most awesome group of people here at SI. This site has helped and the people here have helped me more than any therapy session. My IRL friends have also been my rocks...through first cancer and then the infidelity. We have each other’s backs.

Now...I do however wish I could say I was a good cook like you all. I can bake...cooking is definitely not my strong suit. Thank goodness my kids will eat anything.

Wishing you all peace tonight.

Me - BS
Him -WS (passed away Aug2020)
DDay1 - 2011 EA with AP1
DDay2/3 - found out in 2019 about EA/PA same AP1 -3 yr LTA affair ended 2016/2017
DDay4 - found out after he passed away about LTA with ex-wife same time as his first affair with AP1

posts: 516   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2019   ·   location: Canada
id 8598183
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LadyG ( Member #74337) posted at 5:48 AM on Friday, October 16th, 2020

I am so grateful for mindfulness.

I am grateful for my beautiful babies.

I am grateful for being me...

I may not sound positive all the time but I have been to deaths door and back and I endured and survived.

Things can only get better 🙏

September 26 1987 I married a monster. Chronic Complex PTSD. I Need Peace. Fiat Lux. Buddha’s Love Saves Me 🙏🏼

posts: 938   ·   registered: Apr. 29th, 2020   ·   location: Australia
id 8598196
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LadyG ( Member #74337) posted at 3:13 AM on Saturday, October 17th, 2020

Hey Womenz,

Last night I had my 1st BAN meeting via zoom. 2 hours flew by.

It was good to sit and listen and talk to someone who understands. There’s just the 2 of us but my BAN friend is ME 16 years ago when WH was planning to walk and leave me with 3 young children.

I hope I can be a good friend and support to someone else. It’s good to not have to focus on my own issues right now.

September 26 1987 I married a monster. Chronic Complex PTSD. I Need Peace. Fiat Lux. Buddha’s Love Saves Me 🙏🏼

posts: 938   ·   registered: Apr. 29th, 2020   ·   location: Australia
id 8598776
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20yrsagoBS ( Member #55272) posted at 3:52 AM on Saturday, October 17th, 2020

LadyG,

I haven’t found a local BAN group.

I’m jelly of yours

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2101   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8598784
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20yrsagoBS ( Member #55272) posted at 12:53 PM on Tuesday, October 20th, 2020

Instead of celebrating the disaster wedding day, they hat if we changed it to

Bad Ass Bitch Day?

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2101   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8599827
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LadyG ( Member #74337) posted at 1:17 PM on Tuesday, October 20th, 2020

Hey 20, how did that family dinner go?

I have been thinking about you but thought I would give you time to process your thoughts and feelings about the marriage date.

Our last formal family dinner was September 2017, 30 years from our marriage date. Not much of a celebration, but it was the day that I felt would be our very last. We went into IH separation in November.

I hope the food was good at least 🙏🏼

September 26 1987 I married a monster. Chronic Complex PTSD. I Need Peace. Fiat Lux. Buddha’s Love Saves Me 🙏🏼

posts: 938   ·   registered: Apr. 29th, 2020   ·   location: Australia
id 8599837
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20yrsagoBS ( Member #55272) posted at 7:27 PM on Tuesday, October 20th, 2020

Hi LadyG,

Family dinner was nice. Having our two kids there was wonderful. Table side guacamole and margaritas didn’t hurt either

My WH flew to Colorado yesterday, for 5 weeks for work.

It triggers me, but I have decided that unless it disrupts my family or finances, I won’t allow it any head space

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2101   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8600016
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EllieKMAS ( Member #68900) posted at 7:59 PM on Tuesday, October 20th, 2020

20yobs - I'm in CO. Want me to find your wh and kick him in the bits? Just an anonymous run-by dick-kicking?

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3138   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8600032
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20yrsagoBS ( Member #55272) posted at 1:59 AM on Wednesday, October 21st, 2020

Ooohhh Ellie!

Don’t tempt me

Evil thoughts running through my brain

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2101   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8600179
smile1

Blackheart11419 ( Member #72500) posted at 9:25 PM on Wednesday, October 21st, 2020

EllieKMAS

Everyone list off 3 things you are grateful for. Nothing else - no negativity in your grateful post, just THREE good/positive/happy/funny things.

1. I am grateful for being a first time mom (Due Date Dec. 18,2020)

2. I am grateful for the unconditional love that my animals show me every day no matter what mood I'm in.

3. I am grateful for the joy I have on life.

[This message edited by Blackheart11419 at 3:25 PM, October 21st (Wednesday)]

Blackheart

posts: 80   ·   registered: Jan. 7th, 2020   ·   location: Illinois
id 8600546
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20yrsagoBS ( Member #55272) posted at 12:50 PM on Thursday, October 22nd, 2020

Oooohhhh congratulations BH! A new baby! I very lucky baby who gets to have you for Mom!

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2101   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8600762
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BentandBroken ( Member #72519) posted at 2:01 PM on Thursday, October 22nd, 2020

Hello everyone. I believe this is my first post on this thread. I appreciate the positive supports I'm seeing here and I would like to join in.

Three things I am grateful for:

1. I have my house! Closed on the refinance just yesterday. It's all mine along with a wonderful neighborhood of supportive friends.

2. I have a good career and an understanding boss. Objectively, I have everything I need and even the occasional luxury, like a pedicure, here and there.

3. I have found my inner strength and I am healing. Day by day I walk a little taller. My confidence is returning bit by bit.

Wishing comfort and peace to each and every one of you!

20+ year relationshipNever officially marriedDday November 20194 wonderful grown childrenWH multiple APs, currently involved with married COWKicked him out on Dday and that was that

posts: 314   ·   registered: Jan. 9th, 2020   ·   location: Michigan
id 8600786
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LemonSpearmint ( New Member #75630) posted at 2:11 PM on Thursday, October 22nd, 2020

Just joining this thread too 😁

Three things I'm grateful for:

1) My "I Love Me" playlist full of girl power and self confidence songs.

2) It's my last night shift for a while and tomorrow night I can finally sleep - woo!

3) Rain, finally! We even had a storm.

I hope you are all having a good day 🌞

[This message edited by LemonSpearmint at 8:13 AM, October 22nd (Thursday)]

Me: BW 40 / Him: WH 42
Dday July 15 2020
3 month EA/PA - Working on R

Keep moving forward

posts: 44   ·   registered: Oct. 9th, 2020   ·   location: Australia
id 8600794
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Chili ( Member #35503) posted at 8:30 PM on Thursday, October 22nd, 2020

Big welcome from all the bitc...I mean Womenz here to BentandBroken and LemonSpearmint. The Betrayed Ladies around here are strong, resilient, acronym and meme happy, funny, tough, wily and wise. The prevailing emotion is "laughter through tears."

I just popped on to try and round up more takers for the Christmas Card Exchange. It was started by the founders and is one of my favoritist parts of SI. The deadline is coming right up. If you're facing a holiday season alone or want your very own little secret side piece of joy - do consider joining in. Look in the Fun & Games forum for the thread with the FAQs.

Carry on you wonderful bitchezzzz!

2012 pretty much sucked.
Things no longer suck.
Loving flying solo with the co-pilot chili dog.
"Life teaches you how to live it if you live long enough" - Tony Bennett

posts: 2136   ·   registered: May. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: Reality
id 8600975
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20yrsagoBS ( Member #55272) posted at 11:05 PM on Thursday, October 22nd, 2020

You have to sign up for the Christmas card exchange!

I have my cards all filled out already

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2101   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8601046
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TX1995 ( Member #58175) posted at 11:08 PM on Thursday, October 22nd, 2020

Just hopping in to say hi. And look at how positive it's gotten in here!

Congrats BlackHeart! Your due date is my daughter's bday. (Though her due date was the 12th, I could not seem to get either of my kids to leave the womb, the boy was 12 days late - and I KNEW when I got pregnant with each of them so due dates were pretty exact.) I hope you are feeling well in your third trimester!

I've been doing an online betrayal trauma group and it's been really helpful. Run by two women therapists who are also betrayed wives. (One still married one divorced). There are quite a few more available with therapists allowed to cross state lines via video these days. (Some states allow, some don't.) Definitely allowed me to find a good therapist who knows their shit v someone who pretended to know and ended up screwing me up even more.

I will second Chili on the card exchange. DO IT! I LOVED opening those cards last year. I laughed, I cried, I was covered in glitter. Don't miss out!!

I'm the BS. WH had a 3 month EA/PA with a cOW. DDay was 4/17. Working on R. Married 15 years and together 20 at DDay.
DDay #2 and #3 6/19. Grew a conscience and admitted a full blown physical affair. Now in limbo.

posts: 983   ·   registered: Apr. 6th, 2017   ·   location: Texas
id 8601048
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