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What is Wrong With Being By Yourself?

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Westway posted 7/24/2020 17:02 PM

I am waiting for my divorce to go through, and I have many people asking me if I ever plan to remarry. Well, no. I don't have any immediate plans to remarry. It seems like there are so many people who hate to see me living by myself. I am actually really liking being a bachelor for the first time in 22 years. I have my own condo now, I have outfitted it the way I like, I have my daughters to get through high school and college, and I'm diving back into old passions that keep me very busy. I have no time to be lonely.

I was just wondering if any of you are hounded by well-meaning friends and family to get back in the saddle and start dating, when all you want to do is chill and enjoy concentrating on yourself?

Phoenix1 posted 7/24/2020 17:09 PM

Fortunately, my inner circle all know better than to push me to get into another relationship. They know I am a happy introvert and like it that way.

What is wrong with being by yourself?

Absolutely nothing...

Chili posted 7/24/2020 17:25 PM

I second the notion of being by yourself as pretty wonderful. I was just musing on this very thing over in the D/S forum. I haven't had anyone hound me about getting married in a long long time. I think everyone gets it now.

Good on you that you're staying busy and focusing on you and your daughters!

EllieKMAS posted 7/24/2020 17:41 PM

I just send them this.

crazyblindsided posted 7/24/2020 18:01 PM

EllieKMAS that's funny

I have friends and family telling me that I will find someone that truly will treat me the way I need to, but I'm just not feeling it. I remember reading someone on here say that they enjoy dating their self more. I believe I will fall into that category. I'm also an introvert and have good friends so I really don't need a partner. Plus my kids and my furkids give me lots of love.

hcsv posted 7/24/2020 18:13 PM

I was lonely when I was married. He chose work over family and eventually took a work wife.

Now I am alone and not at all lonely. Loving this time of my life. Not the least bit interested in a relationship.

FaithFool posted 7/24/2020 18:31 PM

Been flying solo for over ten years now. Life is quite sweet.

People are weird.

JanaGreen posted 7/24/2020 19:23 PM

I didn't go out on a single date for over a year after WH left. I was celibate for two years. It was necessary. I needed that time. I grew to really enjoy not answering to anyone. Once you know you're ok alone I think you're much less likely to take crap in a relationship.

Chrysalis123 posted 7/24/2020 19:41 PM

I was a very lonely married person. I hate when people say to me, "Don't worry a relationship will happen when you least expect it."

I don't expect it. I like being alone.

I have been divorced ten years and the likely suspects have stopped hounding me. I think they believe I am a weird hermit.

Oh well, at least I am a happy weird hermit, I know what is true, and I really love my hobbies.

Anna123 posted 7/24/2020 20:02 PM

I think coupled people naturally want to pair up us singles. I absolutely love being single! Divorce was final in 2017, dated short term nothing serious and have now run out of gas for the moment. Still would like to meet someone but definitely not marry. I have this strange 'no one is the boss of me' immature thing going for the time being. I hope I grow out of:-). But maybe I won't.

I love the Mar. Garitas joke, funny!

I think it is somewhere here I read "I am in a drama-free relasionship with freedom" I love that.

Enjoy your new single life! It's great to focus on the kids. They will remember that.

DevastatedDee posted 7/24/2020 22:50 PM

I am ambivalent at best about meeting anyone to date. I genuinely love being on my own. I don't know that I will ever so much as cohabitate with a partner. The only thing that could change my preference for being alone is if I fuck up and fall for someone and I feel utterly exhausted at just the thought of that right now.

J707 posted 7/25/2020 09:48 AM

I tried to date a friend at the beginning of this year. Covid hit. But we both realized that it wouldn't work out, we were in the friend zone. We still talk and hang out but just as friends. That was the only time I "dated" since my exww.

Some of my friends and coworkers would ask me all the time when I was going to start dating. They don't anymore because I think they caught my drift.

I've come to a point where I'm completely comfortable being by myself. The only drama I have is with myself. After a 17 year relationship/marriage, it's so nice just to be by myself. My own schedule. My time. My hobbies. My family as a single Dad. Our camping trips. Cook whatever the hell you want to. Wanna take a nap, go for it. Woke up and decided you wanna drive to the beach, no problem.

I look at it this way. This is most likely a very small time in my life where I'll be single. I know I have a lot to offer. But this time is precious to me and my kids. Enjoy this time. Ain't nothing wrong with being by yourself.

phmh posted 7/25/2020 12:13 PM

Nothing at all!

So many people just follow the Life Script without really thinking it through if that is what they really want - get married, buy a dog, have kids, move to the suburbs, etc. They don't really question things for even their own lives and just expect that everyone else will follow the same script.

I loved being single but met my SO when I was not looking. We've been together nearly 5 years and live separately, do things together but also a lot separately. It's exactly what both of us want, but so many people ask us if we are going to live together, get married, etc. It kind of blows some peoples minds when they realize that there are other ways to live or that not everyone wants the exact same thing.

The1stWife posted 7/25/2020 16:04 PM

Too many people define their identities by a relationship or marriage.

Instead of defining their identity by being themselves.

Good for you for looking to please yourself and re-start your next chapter. Rock on!

soverybetrayed posted 7/25/2020 19:17 PM

I have been single for 8 years and have no plans to ever remarry. I haven't even dated yet. My family and friends all know I want to remain single.

I have done more things since my divorce than in all my time married. I just recently bought my home in my own name and I love it. I have taken contract jobs in other states and lived in a travel trailer. I love being single and like my own company.

Life is great on this side of divorce.

Anna123 posted 7/26/2020 08:58 AM

I look at it this way. This is most likely a very small time in my life where I'll be single.

When I was first in shock mode of separation, and feeling a strong desire to pair up with someone new, I met a woman who was about 10 years older than me at a bar who was out with a group of couples. I told what had happened to me (I was telling just about everybody I met :-) She said she had gone through the same thing, and that her time being single after divorce was the happiest time of her life. She said she loved her new husband, but misses those days. It really changed my perspective.

Gemini71 posted 7/26/2020 17:13 PM

"Why?" is usually what I say when people ask me if I'll marry again. I've got my kids. I've got my home, my friends, a battery operated boyfriend. What do I need a husband for?

My Dad told me several times before he died, that he hoped I'd find someone to "take care of me." Well Dad, I've found that person, and it's me!

LadyG posted 7/26/2020 17:39 PM

I have been living alone for just over a year and I canít see myself ever living with anyone ever again. Except for my dog, and I love living alone for the first time in my life.

I am never remarrying. Once is enough.

I am not ready to even meet a new man. I want my divorce to be well and truly over.

I think thatís when I will really start healing from the past.

When I first separated a friend thought I should get myself a Ďtoy boyí. I havenít spoken to this friend Since.

I saw my sister bounce from relationship to relationship after her 2 divorces. She just didnít know how to be alone.

I am alone, but not lonely. I have actually made new friends. All female. We chat and walk our dogs together when permitted.

I am definitely staying away from online dating sites.

Westway posted 7/27/2020 15:24 PM

Thank you all for your replies! I think I'm going to wait a long, long time before I get into another committed relationship.

NeverTwice posted 7/27/2020 16:44 PM

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being alone! You do you and don't worry about all that 'advice'...

And I see multiple commenters talking about their friends telling them 'you will meet someone when you least expect it'. Which made me chuckle because I am one of those people who met someone when I least expected it. And spent 34 very happy years with. And, for crying out loud, he was not even the right gender! I had only dated other women up to that point in my life.

So - guilty of the cliche I guess.

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