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A day after she threatens me, she asks me if I can bring some firewood over cause its "so cold" I said no. You said you feel unsafe around me, so I am not going anywhere near that house. Don't trust her.

Very smart move. She is spiraling out of control I wouldn't trust her at all. You could end up with a fake DV claim. Just keep chugging forward and keeping the kids close. Document, document, document... She's digging her own grave as far as the divorce. STAY AWAY from her.

But wait there's more. Yesterday an employee of mine Asked what kind of car My wife drove. He said she was seen rummaging through his vehicle. He happens to drive the same exact vehicle as me so she must have thought it was mine..... Crazy. She literally came up to my work and look through someone else's vehicle until she realized it was not mine and fled.

This is not what a sane person does...

She is Now Playing the victum again and asking for me back. After 3 days of threats text messages and voicemails. About me shorting her money that I did not. My attorney said I should just pay her the $100 because that will be easier than fending off A personal protective order in court. So I did.

Ughhh

[This message edited by subverted at 8:41 AM, October 27th (Tuesday)]

Wow. She really is spiraling out of control. Do you have any idea what she was looking for? She wouldn't be trying to plant anything in your car would she?

She found out and sent me a number of threatening messages telling me i stole her stuff, and stay out of my house, called me a stalker, she even went as low as saying she feels "unsafe" said she was getting a PPO. She threatened me with "I got an attorney now!!

I have a very nice threatening voicemail as well.

Gotta wonder how she can behave this way on day... and follow it up by "asking for you back?"

Giving her the $100 was probably a smart move. She's just so out of control who knows what shes thinking...

How are the kids doing? Are you keeping them mostly? Is the convict still at the house? Logistically is it difficult for you to take them to school? Do you have any friends they could car pool with?

Hey all

A lot of new revelations to vent about in my public "journal"

This forum really has been a game changer and I am so happy the person (whoever you were) on Reddit guided me here. All I can say to you all, you know who you are, is thank you so very much for your critical advice.

Trying to stay positive here.

Some days are harder than others, But my family has been by my side more than I can ever ask for. My mother has even been taking care of the child exchanges so that I can avoid seeing her and causing conflict.

She text me the other day, stating that her AP is no longer talking to her, and I "scared" him off, and sabotaged her life....She also stated that, a person that is very close with her AP sent her a text stating that this man has mental disorders. He comes with a "wake". They said that he is basically a 40 year old man stuck in a 16 year old's brain. He does not know the gravity of the situation's that he gets into. He is like a tornado, and anyone who can wrangle him in should get a Nobel prize..

She went on to explain that she is very depressed that she ruined her life, and her family over such a man, and questioned why she ever felt, and still does feel, the strong feelings she has for him. I question that too, because Not only me, but her parents and close friend also told her that the guy is bad news. This was back in May...She even told me that he does not seem "right" in the head... Should of taken your own advice then sweetheart...

She told me, all this information was a day late, that she had already lost me...Yes you did.

This makes it very hard for me, lots of stress. She feels like it is completely fine to have sex with men in our marital bed. And claims that if it was me living in the house, I would do the same...I even spoke with the girl I am seeing about this, and we both agreed we would not want to step foot in that house let alone try and live there after she did. Just plain wrong. Not sure why she does not see this.

She tells me that she cannot stand being celibate, and alone. She needs to have a man. She gets real nasty and tells me about how a "26 year old" is talking to her... Likes to rub it in to make me feel jealous.. To top things off, a lady friend of mine sent her a text stating something along the lines of "you cheating bitch, you left a great man and now have nothing" so of course, that came back at me with aggression and threats.

She claims that she has no where to go...That she cannot move into her moms house right now because the basement is not yet converted into an apartment. She says she needs the money from the house that we sell in order to move out....

This causes me a ton of anxiety. I have since blocked her phone from texting or calling me, and I have not heard from her in a day. Which is a long time since she mostly starts sending me texts non stop from 9am to 3am.

She still has not found a job, and claims that selling weed is her new job. (illegal here in MI without the proper license)

Not sure what's next in the court process, but we are now about 3 months in and it really needs to start hurrying up. I think I will feel better the weeks I have the kids and I do not have no worry about who she is bringing over to my house, where my kids stay, to have sex with in my bed. Its just a sore spot for some reason...Need to get over it. Told her to only contact me if there is an emergency through my mother.

Meanwhile I am spending a lot of time with new girl. I remember when I first realized that I will be single, feeling that I didn't want another women... That I would never find a women who is on my level of reality. She fits the bill so perfectly. Same mindset, Same witty, dry humor, same goals in life. She has been single for 8 years, so for her its the polar opposite. Like I have said, I know it seems very soon to be in a relationship, but I just love being around her.

We also spoke a bit about the future, when the D is over....

We kind of get the best of both worlds. 1 week we will have both of our kids to spend time with, and the next week we will be able to have 1 week to focus on us. It is kind of an ideal setup...

So that is basically the glue holding me together right now

She tells me that she cannot stand being celibate, and alone. She needs to have a man. She gets real nasty and tells me about how a "26 year old" is talking to her... Likes to rub it in to make me feel jealous..

Tell her "wonderful. I'm sure your parents must be so proud of you right now." Seriously, why do you still engage with her? She is a serious mess.

To top things off, a lady friend of mine sent her a text stating something along the lines of "you cheating bitch, you left a great man and now have nothing" so of course, that came back at me with aggression and threats.

Why should that come back to you at all? You didn't direct that woman to text her. That was HER reputation and actions that triggered that response.

Your STBX seems to either have a codependancy or sex addiction problem, maybe. I'm not qualified to guess, much less say. In any event, her level of crazy is best to be avoided. You're doing the right thing.. just STOP. TEXTING. HER.

Good luck, keep us informed! I'm assuming the convict isn't living in your domicile any more. Is it still deadbolted? What was the outcome of that situation? Did the sherriff support you in obtaining access to the marital home?

Flat out ignore and ghost your WW as much as possible. If you live in MI like me, the D will be delayed, just expect it and plan for it. I've been waiting months.

As for your new GF, dude please slow down. Please. There is no rush to the rest of your life. Take it slow and really get to know her well, because you can't afford to go through this heartache again.

I just broke up with my FWB over this past weekend. I found I was getting way too attached to her and she felt the same, so we ended it. Neither of us are at a place emotionally to be getting ourselves into a LTR, and we definitely do not share the same life goals to make us compatible.

Why is the D delayed in MI so much?

I filed in Aug.

My lawyer basically said we just need to figure out the house and the car and the junk...

She claims she cannot move out until she gets her share of the equity from selling...

Not sure if she WILL get her share.

Asked her if she would like to sit down with my lawyer and figure this out. She said no...so...

I guess I will wait a few more days/weeks and see if she changes her mind.

She dating other men now, so shes been kinda quiet lately, which is nice.

The evil shit this woman did too me, yet I still find my self a bit jealous at the thought of other men...

Not sure it will ever pass....

Talk about a roller coaster of emotions...

Still have wavering feelings of someday getting back together with her.

She is dating other men now since the AP quit talking to her. She said hes paranoid about me...and that he lied to her...lol.....i got a laugh.

Anyways, life just seems like a mess. Not sure where anything is going, where my kids will go to school, where i am going to live, when im going to sell my house...

New realationship is tough because my D wears on the both of us..it really, really, sucks.

I still beat myself up sometimes on WW beaing "bored" and just out right sick of my stubborn, dickish attitude, which i have now came to realize....i am very stubborn and very mean to people sometimes...

A prime example.

New girl has some mirrors she wants to hang in her house...i have been workkng non stop everyday for the last 2 months. So when she asks me if i can hang the mirrors, i for some reaaon lash out, i get mad and say to her "your pissing me off" cause in my mind, i worked all day fixing other peoples problems, why cant i just relax right now? For some reason i take a simple, polite question from a close friend as a personal assult...i did this a lot in my marriage as well lookung back...and i feel terrible about it..

Anyways...will someone please snap me out of this?

Me and WW are not fighting nearly as much...i have her blocked from everything, but she emails me and i email her back...i have her blocked on gmail so it goes to my spam box...which i always seem to check...its sick. How do i get over someone that hurt me so badly, but i still love, and have "feelings" for?

She asks me how my new realationship is and tells me its too soon!! Shes right...but i find myswlf falling for a girl maybe out of loneliness? Co dependancy? I dont know. But the realationship got serious...fast..she rly rly likes me, and i her, but i just want to take things slower, and im afraid to say that to her. Shes a very strong willed person, who has never been married, 35 years old, and has been f'ed over with past relationships, so when we have small arguments, she gets very upset with herself.

I try to tell myself everythings good. And in the big picture it is...today i have everything i need..a place to stay, food, money, and my and my families health...

But these waves of depression and a overwhelming fear of being alone rules my world.

Very strange times. I used to be a family man. I worked, paid the bills, and provided for my family. So...i find myself yearning for that back...

Thanks guys.

She asks me how my new realationship is and tells me its too soon!!

I find it very droll that a 35 year old woman who destroyed her marriage and family, basically losing everything-- house, finances, everything, to chase after a convict boyfriend, locking you out of your own house in the process.. and tell you YOU are acting too swiftly. That's rich!

With that said... she does have a point, which you are kind of proving in your own posts. You went onto Tinder directly after filing out of fear of being alone, and the need to fill the void of her absence. There's nothing surprising about that. Loneliness, panic, depression, that's GOING to happen, unless you're a virtual sociopath. The other thing that is LIKELY to happen is trauma bonding as you seek out a new replacement. That's a thing. For every man or woman on here that posts about their perfectly executed plan for getting out of infidelity.. well, the reality is most people are like you. Full of anxiety and doubt, questioning themselves, reaching out desperately for attention and validation. There's no shame in this. We're not machines, we're people. I was a basket case when I divorced. Intellectually, I knew it was the only shot I had for a happier life. Emotionally, it's NEVER that simple. Your heart doesn't switch off that easily. Neither does your wife's, by the by. Although it might seem like it after the way she treated you. The point is to survive. Hang on and be strong and don't make yourself suffer by pain shopping. Remove reminders of your wife from your life. Maintain the appropriate level of contact. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.

If the new lady works out, I'm happy for you. I haven't been a monk, but I've not felt an overwhelming need to remarry, either. My kids are a lot older and I guess that might have influenced things. I have female friends and a few I like to hang out with socially but no romance. I just don't particularly feel the need for one. Note that sex and romance often are two separate things, or we wouldn't be on this board.

but i find myswlf falling for a girl maybe out of loneliness? Co dependancy? I dont know. But the realationship got serious...fast..she rly rly likes me, and i her, but i just want to take things slower, and im afraid to say that to her.

Perfectly understandable anxiety. You'll be okay, man. Be strong for your children. She isn't right now. Someone has to be the adult now. Understand that you CAN be happy by yourself. I think a lot of divorced people don't grasp that idea.

Thank you....

Very, very, much.

Cannot Express my gratitude.

So are you in therapy? Marriage and relationship aside, it seems like you have a lot to work on about yourself. This is actually a good time to improve who you are, so when you are finally ready for a relationship (you are not, btw) you’ll be a better partner to whomever you end up with.

Yes. I see my therepist every week. Its helped, i think...the problem is..however, these f'in emotions of mine running wild.

I am pretty sure the realationship, the new one, is over. I just cannot trust...PTSD? Maybe..i dont know. I just felt as if she were hiding things from me. And the fact that, i do indeed still have love for my ex, and feel like we are supposed to be together....even tho she has said she wanted me back this while time and ive pushed her away (my ex) I feel like she really wants to be single...and wants me because i offer her money and a place to stay. And its just better for the kids, she thinks....

Well...i guess this is where the real journey begins...ofcourse now that i believe this new realationship is over, i panic text my ex, telling her i still love her...probably a bad idea. Its like i have this fantasy of being with her, forgiving her, because we were meant for each other. Shes the only one ive ever loved...for 15 years...basically my entire adult life.

So being single, at my parents house...after not living at home for 16 years...its really tough..

As you all probably know. Im happy for the good things in my life, and i need to focus on them...

The holidays are going to be rough...

Somehow I came away thinking that she is or at least was an online sex worker. True?

You don't need to worry about having her. Everyone else has.

Well...i guess this is where the real journey begins...ofcourse now that i believe this new realationship is over, i panic text my ex, telling her i still love her...probably a bad idea. Its like i have this fantasy of being with her, forgiving her, because we were meant for each other. Shes the only one ive ever loved...for 15 years...basically my entire adult life.

Take some vacation, go do some fishing. Do something. Get your head together bro.

When I was in the process of getting divorced, I went online because I felt like it wasn't fair that he had a girlfriend (MOW) and I was single because I had been a faithful and fabulous wife.

A friend told me that she won't date anyone who hasn't been divorced for a year, because it takes time for everything to settle down after going through such a trauma. She was cautioning me to take things slowly and to focus on myself and not date for a year.

Of course I didn't listen and did a lot of dating, but luckily they were mostly just first dates and I didn't fall for anyone. Because I was not ready; I was still in love with my WXH, and I was figuring out who I was as a single person. We see it all the time on here - when people date too early, they wind up with a partner who is as bad as or even worse than the partner that brought them here. Because that's what feels comfortable and anyone who is a healthy partner will run quickly from someone who is still processing that trauma.

I will say that one year isn't necessarily the right time frame - some people will need more, some may be able to be fine with less. However, in my case, my last bit of healing came when I took time off of dating and focused 100% on me. Forming new friendships and strengthening existing ones. Trying different activities. Becoming a whole, happy person.

I wound up meeting a great guy about 8 months into swearing off dating, and we've been together over 5 years now. This relationship is better in every way than what I had with me WXH, but my SO would have (wisely) run away when I was still working myself out, and I likely would be in a terrible relationship with someone who was quite similar to my ex had I kept dating.

You have plenty of time to find someone good. Enjoy this time getting to rediscover single you. I promise that you won't regret it.

New girl has some mirrors she wants to hang in her house...i have been workkng non stop everyday for the last 2 months. So when she asks me if i can hang the mirrors, i for some reaaon lash out, i get mad and say to her "your pissing me off" cause in my mind, i worked all day fixing other peoples problems, why cant i just relax right now? For some reason i take a simple, polite question from a close friend as a personal assult...i did this a lot in my marriage as well lookung back...and i feel terrible about it..

Because deep down in your heart, you know that you are not ready for another committed relationship. Your heart is still missing many pieces. But you are too chicken to come out and tell her you have been using her for an emotional crutch. You feel guilty because she is nesting and sees you as her mate, but deep in your heart you don't feel it. You know you cannot be that for her.

Stop being a dick and tell this poor woman the truth.

Stop being a dick and tell this poor woman the truth.

Once again, Westway nails it in ten words what it takes people like me half a page to comment.

Seriously-- I think you are hysterically bonding with this woman and you are trying to convince yourself you are ready for another heavy duty relationship. You were all over the idea two weeks ago, now you are miserable with second guessing your own motivations. Nobody is recommending you be a monk, or to hold off on something physical.. but emotionally, your subconscious is telling you this is way too early to commit to a new relationship of any sort.

Be kind to this woman. Tell her how you have been damaged by your marriage collapsing and how it is impacting you. It's the right thing to do.

Well, its been a little while since i posted now..

Things are going, well....pretty good! I have not spoken the WW in over 2 weeks. Ive come to relize that nothing good comes out of talking to her...i also can feel myself, getting over her..more and more...everyday. its not easy but its happening. I can feel it. I can feel my freedom coming back. Been reading the book "rebuilding"...

I will probably have to take the case to trial in feb. Since she will not reason with me about the house. She has no income, no credit, and no job history but claims she must stay in the house for the "kids sake"... claims she will rent it from me...its fully in my name..

Well, im not on the market of renting houses to people with no income so...shes going to have to move out so i can focus on selling the home...

Told my lawyer this, we are kind of decidong wether to file a motion to get her out or not. Will be hard to do if she claims she has no where to go. ( she has her parents house, but does not want to leave)

She was quiet for the week she did not have the kids, and the day she got them back she started blowing up my email with, how she has no money for xmas presents (i did all the xmas shopping, and court order says i have kiddos this xmas) she claims im being very selfish because i am leaving her hanging by not speaking to her or giving her money for presents or a xmas tree...the nerv of this woman...i pay for her house 1200 bucks a month. I pay for her car, 240 bucks a month..i pay for her car insurance 110 bucks a month..i pay for her health insurance, 200 bucks a month..i also pay her child support, 800 bucks a month..and i have 50/50 custody!! What more do i owe her? Am i really being selfish here!?!?!

Still seeing new girl, explained to her my situation and everything...really feel like shes a great friend. Couldnt ask for a better one. Things are going well. We take it slow. I have no intrest in other women currently. She gives me space when i need it, and understands my sitsuation. I have been keeping my brain busy. I can actually say now that theres hours that go by that i bet i dont even think of WW...thats a pretty big milestone if u ask me...it used to be obsessive, now its just thoughts that come and go. Nothing good can come out of getting back together with, or even speaking to WW...and I WILL NOT let her ruin my happiness. I am 36 years old...i have a lot of life to live. Im sick of wasting it being depressed over this selfish woman.

[This message edited by subverted at 8:57 AM, December 14th (Monday)]

not saying that you are not being the bigger man in these

trying times. though can you step up to the plate and be

a little bit bigger and help your WW buy gifts for the kids?

ask WW what she wants to buy them for gifts, limit it to $100

each kid (if you can afford).

however you buy the stuff online and have it shipped to WW.

this way no funds can be misappropriated.

[This message edited by oldtruck at 5:02 PM, December 14th (Monday)]

I don't agree with the above poster. The problem is that his WW wont do anything to earn money or save money... she just expects him to give more.

If you look at all of the things he is paying for on top of having the kids 50% of the time and she has the house... it's not one of those being bigger for the kids because who knows where that money is going to go. She was sending money to her boyfriend in jail...she's thinks selling pot and being a cam girl is a good occupation... I don't think that 100 each would be spent on the children. I also don't think you are being mean by not giving her more. She can't keep leaning on you for everything. You need to focus on YOU and Your Kids and give them a wonderful Christamas. Dont' worry about her.

The kids are getting a Christmas it's at your house. They aren't going to go without. At most I'd add her name to a gift You have already gotten them. The problem is that you can't keep "helping" her out because she just expects more and more and she isn't thinking realistically...

If you give her 100 for each kid she's never going to get a real job or make an effort to Adult. She knows if she wine enough you will help her out.

You need to detach. The more you go NC with her the stronger you will get. There are plenty of short term jobs for Christmas if she really wants to earn something "for the kids."

Glad you are doing better.

[This message edited by Freeme at 5:43 PM, December 14th (Monday)]