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New Beginnings/New Life

Hutch posted 1/22/2020 06:03 AM

Just curious. After all was said and done and your divorce was final, did anyone move or just relocate to a new town/city/state? If so, do you think the new location helped in the process of healing and moving forward? Any regrets starting over someplace new?

[This message edited by Hutch at 6:04 AM, January 22nd (Wednesday)]

nothisfriend posted 1/22/2020 07:55 AM

I really wish my WXH had moved, all he did was piss and moan about this town. It's a small town.

I didn't move out of town, but I did move to a new house (that I own!) that has never been contaminated by his presence. We were renting before so it was an easy-ish transition. It makes such a difference, my home is my sanctuary.

AbandonedGuy posted 1/22/2020 08:00 AM

New home (apt), new job, new BMI, new clothes, new hairstyle, new hobbies, new routine. The shadow of my former life is nill, and it all contributed to that shiny feeling of a fresh start. It's easier to build a cabin when you've got a loose pile of lincoln logs than it is to carefully rearrange an already built cabin without upsetting it. YMMV though.

Adlham posted 1/22/2020 09:12 AM

First, I moved across the state. Then, he moved 2000 miles away. Then, he was thinking about moving back to the state I was in, so I moved states.

It was hard, in some ways. I didn't have a support system in the new state. But it didn't take too long to start developing friendships. And I had a plan on how I would meet new people, what my boundaries would be, where I absolutely did NOT want to meet new people (like bars), etc.

Best thing ever. My self confidence really grew. I also had a much easier time moving past all the grief because there weren't triggers every time I turned around.

I found it to be very healing.

DevastatedDee posted 1/22/2020 09:12 AM

I bought a house in my name only and moved 40 minutes away. That was a fantastic idea on my part. I don't have to see the usual places except on rare occasions. I don't drive by the places he cheated on me. I don't live in the same house or drive the same route to work or shop at the same grocery store. I feel incredibly healed in my day to day life. When I do have to go into the town we lived in on rare occasions, I've noticed that it feels gross to me. Contaminated. I don't have the pain I used to, I just find it repugnant. It's kind of like revisiting every embarrassing moment you had in high school or something. "Oh, this is the place where I was a dumbass". I'm not sure if staying would have allowed me to "reclaim" or whatever and not feel that disgust/embarassment. I don't regret leaving, though. It was SO GOOD for me particularly in the beginning. It made my new life more new. New town to explore, new restaurants to try, new everything. I don't regret it one single bit.

Hutch posted 1/22/2020 15:11 PM

Thank You!

Catwoman posted 1/22/2020 15:38 PM

I stayed in the marital home to give the children some stability (since their father moved 5 times in the first 8 years we were separated/divorced, including several "interim" moves out of the OW's house and back in.

I should have downsized and gotten out of the marital home when the girls were stabilized, but I loved my house and my neighborhood. I now have a cute little place of my own.

I'm not a big fan of moving long distances . . . I moved 1000 miles after his second affair and it was a huge mistake to move away from my support system and family and friends.

Choose carefully.

Cat

Phoenix1 posted 1/22/2020 16:59 PM

I stayed in the marital home and ex initially moved far, far away (thousands of miles) with his OW and their OC. While he was far away it was absolutely WONDERFUL! That distance meant not looking over my shoulder constantly.

Alas, he moved back after about a year so the joy was relatively short-lived, and took up residence about five minutes from my home. I am hoping he moves away again (high probably).

So yes, the distance was very helpful for me to find some calm after the D storm, even if I wasn't the one to create that distance.

Esther2258 posted 1/22/2020 17:55 PM

Hi, my friend,

What a great question. Yes, I moved 3,500 miles away before the divorce was final and the reason, I did was to be closer to my family. I needed the emotional support network. The healing process was more about me figuring out what went wrong in the marriage, and in trying to deal with the effects of living in a new environment, making new friends, and securing a permanent job with benefits. It was not easy but having my family there for me and my sons were instrumental. I also found a great church and started making some good friends there. I found that having good Christian friends was a huge comfort. I hope this helps you with your decision. I wish you the very best in your future.

WornDown posted 1/23/2020 12:54 PM

I moved 300 miles away to a neighboring state for a new job just prior to really ending it. (The original plan was for her and the kids to follow in a year (oldest was a senior), but I was pretty sure it was over...found out she was cheating again 8 months later)

Yes, the distance helped a lot. She was NPD/BPD so being away from the crazy helped me see how toxic she was.

Now that the kids are with me, she's 5 hours away and I have no fear of her just coming over and causing problems.

Well, the fact that she can't drive and probably can't leave the state (4 DUI convictions), helps

hopefullife posted 1/23/2020 18:02 PM

I haven't yet, but intend to. My friends and family are in full support. They all want a fresh start for me and moving to a new place as far away as possible sounds exactly that.

[This message edited by hopefullife at 6:03 PM, January 23rd (Thursday)]

Shehawk posted 1/24/2020 09:11 AM

Abandonedguy I absolutely love reading your comeback story! Especially the new BMI. You Go!!!!

Isn't it so much easier to live our best lives ever when we are not being drug undet the water while trying to just keep our heads above it?


I am in a place we lived together and divorce is in process but not final.
I am taking the position of taking back my power in the space it was taken from me since right now that is the position I am in.

I don't really have any feasible choices to move. So it is what it is. But I am making it what it can be.

What I changed is strengthening friendships and making new ones. I changed the decor as much as the court situation would feasibly allow. I invited friends over and threw parties. I consciously worked on changing the energy of the house.

And mostly I changed myself inside (and out too). So WHEN I move I want it to be the best move ever!

Justsomeguy posted 1/26/2020 20:22 PM

I live in a fairly small town, so that makes life challenging. I love to dance and there is basically only one bar for grownups who can actually two-step, so the likelihood of awkwardness with my X is high. Add to this the fact that I have to drive by her APs truck every day, knowing that they fucked in it, you can imagine how awesome my world is. Just something I have to suck up. I'll probably stop dancing, even though I love it. I guess I'll just do other things. Maybevtske up fishing again.

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