SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I was recently told by a man that all men look at porn. I felt he was generalizing, but heck what do I know?

After dealing with infidelity, I don't want to get involved with any guy who makes a habit of viewing porn. It's just my preference. I'm in my early 50s and don't look at porn. I'd like to think there are some men who choose not to look at porn as well. Is this just wishful thinking?

Good question. I was told this, too. If so, I’m single for life.

I'm mid 30s so take that into account, but from my experience interacting with the other males in the world, I'd guess there are 5 groups:

1. Men who don't look at porn for moral reasons.

2. Men who don't look at porn for trauma-based reasons.

3. Men who don't look at porn because of low testosterone.

4. Men who look at porn.

5. Men who lie about their porn habits.

[This message edited by AbandonedGuy at 6:55 PM, January 7th (Tuesday)]

Well, I can tell you my SO does not. At least he never has in my presence, nor has he ever expressed an interest in it in any way. Maybe he does in private, but all I know is that I have never seen anything porn-like anywhere in his home and it has never come up as a discussion between us.

That and $1.50 might get you a gas station cup of coffee...

I'm sure I've known or met a few men who don't, although I have to admit that I can't remember a single one. Regardless, it's a big industry, which means it has a lot of consumers.

They are out there and some are open to change. My husband does not. He once did occasionally but was uncomfortable with it for a variety of reasons (moral) and after I expressed problems with it as well he no longer views it.

[This message edited by Justsomelady at 7:11 PM, January 7th (Tuesday)]

I don't want to get involved with any guy who makes a habit of viewing porn

What's porn? Is it nude explicit photos, is it just suggestive photos. Fantasy? Sexual attraction to strangers? I'm going to be honest. I haven't met a man alive who hasn't looked at R-Rated Porn. I personally think most pg-13 rated movies have porn in them. I can promise you, if any man isn't looking at porn, he's still thinking about sex often.

I don't look at porn. I haven't really met any others that don't. If you're looking for a guy who hasn't seen it, mars might have someone.

I guess I fall into this category.

1. Men who don't look at porn for moral reasons. 

What's a habit? Once a month, a year, weekly or dailey?

From statistics that I hear, 9/10 have looked at porn in the current year. 6/10 men have looked at porn in the current month. This statistic seems to hold true regardless of age (after puberty of course), religion, or country. It's just so easy to access it now.

I also know from studies done in my church that the typical porn addict spends almost 20 hours average a week looking at porn.

If you've got kids, (especially boys), they need to know the harm that porn causes and the damage it can do, without them feeling aweful for natural daily sexual feelings they have. Boys are taught too often that those feelings are bad and told to snuff the feelings out. It's just as damaging as telling women they're virtue is gone and they're used material after they've lost their virginity. Both deceive what sex is really about, which I feel porn does too. It's unrealistic, fake, and staged. Most women are drugged up and taken from foreign contries and enslaved to do that crap. I refuse to support that kind of evil.

But I think the best way to relate to men looking at porn is for me to say, I'm not going to date any women that watches chick flicks. Cause they're unrealistic about emotional connections and how they're formed.

There's probably similar statistics on women watching chick flicks imagining their husband would sweep them off their feet like the guy in that Christmas hallmark movie. All women watch them, and if they don't, they fantasize about them.

I think both men fantasizing about physical connection and women fantasizing about emotional connection is normal and a way of bringing us together (I mean no disrespect for my LGBTQ friends out there). I think if we are open and honest with our partners and set realistic healthy boundries is where relationships thrive.

Ie, maybe you watch a raunchy rated r movie together, or try new things in bed.

Or maybe he takes you on a suprise vacation, or sneaks you out for the night on a elaborate date.

I'm still young, so I don't know much. Take it for a grain of salt.......

1. Men who don't look at porn for moral reasons.

2. Men who don't look at porn for trauma-based reasons.

3. Men who don't look at porn because of low testosterone.

4. Men who look at porn.

5. Men who lie about their porn habits

My guesses as to statistics from taking to men from my experience.

1. 2/100

2. 1/100

3. 2/100

4. 20/100

5. 75/100

I'd be curios to see what other guys have seen of their buddies. But that's about what I've seen with my friends. I'm an extrovert and I get out often.

Not encouraging. Looks like I’ll be single. I mean, from those stats, guys will just lie. After all of this, I simply will never be in a place to accept porn in my life. Sad, really. I Would be quite the catch.

I actually had a very frank discussion with SO recently about a few things, expectations, boundaries, etc. One of the things I brought up was porn. He has never mentioned it, but I'm not an idiot. I do assume all men watch it. And the ones who don't, lie about it. I didn't want him to think he ever had to hide anything from me, or be embarrassed about what he does when I'm not around. I told him I don't have a problem with porn per se, when used under the right circumstances, and sparingly. But when it becomes a substitute for true intimacy, or an addiction, or if your partner is lying in bed alone and you're in the bathroom taking care of yourself, then I have a huge issue with it.

He listened, and was in agreement. Everyone has their own comfort zones and their own boundaries. I have married friends who watch with their spouses to spice things up. As long as everyone is honest and on the same page, there shouldn't be an issue. Be it no porn at all. Ever. Or watching out in the open together. Or on occasion alone, but not lying about it. It's the lying that is the issue. If a man watches, and admits to it, and that's not okay with you, then don't date him.

As we all know in the land of infidelity, however, good luck spotting the liars. I would say that's impossible.

What about women who view porn?

Ugh I used to not mind the porn until my STBX. He would only watch fetish porn and then would always push for me to do the same thing in the porn. It felt gross.

Being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and rape well you can imagine how many issues I have with sex.

Methinks I will be single from here on out!

mid 30's male. I look at porn occasionally when I'm single, don't when I'm in a relationship. Never really thought of it as a big deal and don't really have any issue giving it up.

Idk I see it like alcohol. I have no problem having a drink or two now and then but if you're getting drunk 5 nights a week? That's not going to work.

What about women who view porn?

Maybe we're just weird.

LineInTheSand: my husband doesn’t.

TKOGA: I do.

What about women who view porn?

Maybe we're just weird.

*cough* 50 shades of Grey *cough*

I don't watch porn. Not because of any moral reason but I just don't find it arousing. Never have. Feels like the performance is at the forefront rather than any genuine connection. Same as BDSM and all that Dom/Sub thing. Totally ruins my immersion.

Amateur porn or voyeur videos are hot to me but ethically they are iffy to say the least. Usually a violation of privacy or revenge porn(which is illegal).

*cough* 50 shades of Grey *cough*

Never seen it. Wasn’t it a mainstream movie and not porn? I don’t think they are allowed to show actual porn in regular theaters.

[This message edited by Darkness Falls at 7:15 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)]

The book has very explicit erotic descriptions involving BDSM and was a best seller. It's been jokingly dubbed "porn for women". IMO a lot of erotic romance novels I think are generally geared for women though.

Oh.

I just watch “porn for men”, I guess. Lol.