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I think of porn in this context refers to video of real people doing it. I don’t think of the written word as the same thing. Erotic fiction arouses but does not exploit people. Like w fifty shades, i read the book ( h makes fun of me for it, rightly so) but I chose not to see the movie. It isn’t porn. It is more explicit acting than I am comfortable watching though. Images and words are very different, imho.

[This message edited by Justsomelady at 8:02 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)]

Oh.

I just watch “porn for men”, I guess. Lol.

Lmao. There actually is "porn for women" of that variety too, it's usually less hardcore, more emotional and romantic. IMO I agree with Rustylife, what most people think of when they think of porn is a major turn off to me (big breasted blonde being loud and everything looking fake or freaky extreme stuff, I consider BDSM in that category). Something that looks like a real couple where you can see real love and a emotional connection...that is so much more interesting and hot. I think there is a lot more men than many would think that actually are more interested in that than the fake glamorous stuff. But there's also a ton of men that will think the fake stuff is hot too.

And I disagree Justsomelady, the written word can be more titillating than imagery. It just depends on what it is. And I say that as someone who is a very visual person.

[This message edited by ShatteredSakura at 8:13 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)]

Perhaps so, but maybe not for some people or perhaps in different ways. As an unrelated example, I can read a news story and not cry but if I see moving images of devastation I am wrecked. The imagery is too much. Same with violent tv. Back to porn, The use of real people is what brings the moral issue into question for me. However I am sure all kinds depending on content could have issues for some with addiction and needing bigger hits. Luckily my husband and I are now on the same page that we think it is wrong and no longer use it, but I will not delve into that too

much here as I’d just be repeating stuff I’ve said on other topics about its harm.

[This message edited by Justsomelady at 8:38 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)]

Perhaps so, but maybe not for some people or perhaps in different ways. As an unrelated example, I can read a news story and not cry but if I see moving images of devastation I am wrecked.

Totally, there's some "light hearted romantic comedies" that I can't watch anymore because they treat infidelity as funny and bring me to tears. I'm not really talking about anything involving trauma though, but as with most things it's usually is "it depends". So I agree that it's highly subjective person to person.

[This message edited by ShatteredSakura at 9:31 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)]

I tend to agree with RedHead. I'd bet large money that most of my friends look at porn on occasion. But I don't think any of them are addicted and it doesn't seem to have any effect on them.

I would suggest to people that if they have a concern, to talk to their SO about it. When the SO is asking their partner to do things they don't want to, it is clearly a problem and the person is letting it control them.

At times, I've gone weeks or longer without seeing anything like that (video or nude pics). Other times, I am bored. It's not a good excuse, but I won't lie about it. If it is a big problem, we can discuss it and address it like anything else in a relationship.

I'm in my mid 30s so I may have a different idea. I went through a porn phase after my ex husband cheated. I know how crazy this sounds but I actually learned a few empowering things. I learned that no matter what I am into, there is someone out there who is into something crazier. I found that I prefer online porn over a specific video because I can flip through things that I don't like or things that make me feel uncomfortable. Does that mean I think all men must look perfect? Does that mean I feel like I should act like a porn star? Not at all! Think about all the things you watch on TV that you would not want to actually live through. I've talked to guys who were afraid to tell me what kind of porn they like to watch because they don't actually want to do that in real life.

So, I think it just depends on someone's outlook of porn and what they want to accomplish after watching it. I don't worry that much when a person watches porn. Instead I ask them questions about it.

But, yeah, I think every one watches porn at some point in their life.

No. No they don't.

I certainly used to watch porn.

It's been a few years.

I have found that life without it and with a focus on my marriage -- I don't need it or think about it anymore.

My take is that porn is like a lot of things in life, people can use it too much or place too much value on it -- like alcohol and other escapes.

But going with the original question, I think most men at least see what porn is all about, but I'm not sure regular viewing is universal.

Both of my exes looked at porn on a nearly daily basis, and still do, I'm sure.

My first ex had a stash of DVDs he liked to watch, and it was primarily to relieve tension as things started to lapse between us.

My current ex was a more malignant porn user, because I think it and his screwing prostitutes on work trips during his first marriage contributed to him objectifying women and having unrealistic expectations of how women should look. It also contributed to how he used to mistreat me when I was slow to lose 25 pounds.

What was sad and disturbing to me was that he would sneak out to his shop or go into the bathroom to masturbate to porn, even on days when I'd just gotten home from an extended work trip. Some mornings he would get up before me, go to his laptop at the dinner table, view porn to get aroused, and then come back to bed and have sex with me. It was very VERY damaging to my self-image to realize that the man I loved needed porn in order to have sex with me.

Once, I drove up into our driveway after a long trip. I'd driven hundreds of miles, and couldn't wait to see him. The first words out of his mouth were, "Well, your boobs look good."

So yeah, porn did nothing to enhance our relationship. All it did was reflect and exacerbate the character issues of the person I shared my life with. :-(

In answer to the original question, my opinion is that most men in their teens to 50s probably DO view porn. A lot of women, too.

Men are visual creatures...

Thank you so much for all of your replies! Wow, I didn't think there would be so many responses. I found many of the replies enlightening and entertaining.

I guess what I wanted to say was that I'm aware that a lot of men have viewed porn at some point in their lives. I'm not naive enough to think that many haven't ever seen it. I even believe men who consider themselves as having high morals/values have taken a gander at pornography.

I grew up in a very conservative family and there were no Playboy magazines or anything of that nature in our home. I did catch my dad on occasion watching Benny Hill, but that was the extent of it

I can only speak for myself regarding porn. But after experiencing infidelity and the massive hurt and betrayal, I really don't want to get involved with a man who views porn. If he has viewed it in the past, that's okay with me. That's not a problem or issue for me. However, if he wishes to watch it while in a relationship with me, hell nah! But that's just me. I realize other folks don't take issue with it and that's fine and dandy.

Looks like I'll be single for a looooong time

I’m not really into porn. I went through a phase when I was younger (teenage years) where I was pretty much obsessed with it. I wasn’t sexually active at the time, so porn and masturbation were how I coped with my raging hormones during puberty. Back then I viewed porn pretty much every day. That was a long time ago though.

In terms of adults, I think a lot of men watch porn occasionally, but I personally haven’t watched it in years and don’t feel a need to. I pretty much grew out of it I guess.

When I became a Christian (in my college years) I was shocked how many men seemed to have a problem with porn. It was a struggle for a lot of guys and was a topic of many men’s Bible study sessions.

For me, much of what I’m into I prefer to try out with my wife rather than watch it on a screen. I would rather make a fantasy a reality that I can experience than just passively watch someone else enjoy it.

G5 doesn't watch porn.

I had a pretty frank convo about it right in the beginning. I said there was no judgement if it was his thing, but that he isn't the guy for me. He just really has no interest in it.

...and just the right amount of interest in sex.

There's probably similar statistics on women watching chick flicks imagining their husband would sweep them off their feet like the guy in that Christmas hallmark movie. All women watch them, and if they don't, they fantasize about them.

I personally think chick flicks are incredibly boring. Come to think of it, I think porn movies are incredibly boring as well. I've never been able to watch one without laughing at the absurdity of it.

I'm a 51 year old male and never was into porn, myself. I have female friends I went to college with that got into becoming porn "actresses" and it had some bad impacts on some of them. It's a seedy industry, especially back then.

I have no desire to view porn if my needs are being met, but I've discovered that seems to be terribly difficult thing at my age and women my age. My younger dates have been not only into porn but gave me no reason to want to watch it. I'm totally satisfied with "vanilla" in the bedroom too lol.

I think a lot of men use porn as they have very high libido as well as crave exciting sex but rejection makes it easier to try and get those needs met vs fight over it. Like I said, the younger ladies are much, much more happy to get frisky in the car, or the kitchen, or the shower, or maybe back row of the movie theater lol.. etc. Finding matching libido and someone to spice things up definitely does seem to encourage more men to use porn!

Late to the party here, but here's my 0.000002 cents. When I was in college I worked at a local porn store after classes, since I still had bills to pay. I worked there for 5.5 years, in fact. We got in ALL KINDS of people, but the biggest thing I took from it was how diverse the clientele was. We got doctors and lawyers in, to homeless guys, and everyone in between. I actually met the lawyer that helped me out buying my first house there. Another guy was a former swat team member who told me about the time the president visited our city and he had to wait in an unmarked van for hours in case something happened. I saw a couple of my middle school/high school teachers there, as well as a few pastors... It was a college town, so we also got a lot of frat girls in, but mostly because of some treasure hunt thing they were doing. Some of them were terribly embarrassed to be in there, so I did my best to make them feel comfortable.

Sex is universal. The men would be about 99% of the movie rentals, (there were a couple of production companies that had higher quality stuff that some women would buy/rent) but we also sold a ton of, ahem, implements, usually to women but sometimes men. We all have our preferences, and I also learned that it's not bad. There's the default view that all the women in the movies are exploited, but that's totally not true. I'm sure some do it because of "issues" (drugs, former abuse and the like), but many other do it for the money, and *gasp* because they enjoy what they do. Some make VERY VERY good money doing it, and a few have gone on to earn PhDs in sexuality and help out with testing for the actors/actresses.

So, overall, I don't think it's bad as long as it's viewed in moderation, like anything else. But it can become a problem, just like anything can. One older, single guy came in every week. We actually had 3 stores in town, and hit would hit up all three every week, and spend at least $150 a week on movies. That was a Mercedes lease at the time! But we also had guys coming in to use the booths (which was mostly used as a gay hookup) who were married (some still wore their rings) but had other needs. Some women knew, I'm sure some didn't. But it's not the fault of porn that they did it like that.

Again, .00000002 cents from someone on the ground level.

Erotic fiction arouses but does not exploit people.

What?!?!? Didn't you hear bout that poor fella workin the printing press for all those.... Books?

They say he was making minimum wage.