Robert22205https
Wise move not to respond or allow yourself to be pulled into a discussion of the past (a discussion you won't win).
Right? Like anything I would say would just be for her benefit. I didn't feel I needed to get anything off my chest so I didn't engage.
Best to move on 100% - and focus totally on the future - leading your best life for yourself and your kids.
Yeah, that's what I'm doing. I think I've decided to get my son, who is 9, a cell phone so that he can call me anytime he wants to. My daughter already has one (she's 12). I wanted to get him one when he was 12 and would be walking to school on his own (like his sister) but I think I'm going to go ahead and get him one before that. She's going to be paying the cell phone bill, FYI.
She's broken and will continue to attempt engage. Going forward remember to only discuss the kids/logistics.
No doubt. Actually I think she's going to try to be friends. Which I'm not going to do. I will only talk about kids/logistics and, unfortunately, taxes and a few financial matters. In VA I can't divorce until Jan 2nd 2021, which means we will be filing jointly. Not a huge thing, but it's still just another connection, you know?
steadychevy
I disagree with this very much. This provides the wrong message about commitment in relationships. This will stick with children even if it is explained to them later. They get the idea that if you just get tired of someone, we outgrew each other, we're just not working out then you can simply end the relationship for any little reason.
They could be told that mommy hurt daddy so very badly that he can't live with her anymore. The hurt will last a long, long time. But that daddy loves you children very much and wants the very best for you but that can't include living with mommy.
I am really thinking about all of this. So don't take it as a final thing on my part. I'm continuing to learn and read about what to do. My primary concern is the kids and I'm not jumping to a conclusion about this quickly.
I didn't look back, TheLostOne, to see how old your children are. The language might not be mature enough for them. Basically mommy has proven that she doesn't love daddy and caused him great harm.
ETA: I looked back and saw your children are 8 and 12. You'd be surprised what children at that age know and understand.
I think my daughter might - I've already talked to her about cheating and that sort of thing. Her friend has a boyfriend (of sorts) and is uber paranoid. So I used that as an opportunity to bring it up and discuss how it destroys trust and relationships.
The problem is that I can't just tell her. I'm not keeping a secret from my son about this and he's not ready, I don't think, to know.
Westway
Typical cowardly avoidance. This will be her pattern going forwards, and this is why none of her relationships going forward will ever work out
Dude, she's the queen of cowardly avoidance. I'd actually respect her a little more if she just said that she wanted to end the marriage and try to work something out with the OM. I mean, like a little more respect, she's still a shit person - but this 'I'm paralyzed' bullshit that she's been pulling just has made me lose ALL respect for her. She's not a teenager. She's a damned adult. She knew what she was doing.
Oh, and you don't think a relationship with an unemployed manchild that was based on lies and deceit will work out? But it was unique and special?! LOL.
LadyG
Upon arriving back, I had a funeral to attend. RIP my darling cousin
I'm sorry to hear that. 
I found AP stored address in my car GPS under Favourites. It had been there since October 2018. That was a kick in the guts.
These cheaters fucking suck.
WH had been playing me for a fool once again. The anxiety of keeping these secrets almost killed him and I didn’t really care. The discovery of the extent of the lies continues now. This is slowly killing me.
I let WH back into my life on a web of lies.
I am still trying to untangle myself from it all.
I don't look at it like that. You trusted and let him back in. That was a mistake but you did it from a good place, I think. The cheater is the one with the moral bankruptcy and cowardice. No principles.
You now know that he's never going to change. So you have a decision to make - it's a hard decision because of your emotional entanglement.
I have never known anyone who could live their entire life doing the wrong thing, lying about it and living like whatever.
WH Is a very special breed of vile and evil.
WH anxiety wasn’t about hurting or losing me. He lost me decades ago...
WHs anxiety was all about losing his meal ticket.
2020 we are living on borrowed time.
I go back and forth as to whether WW's are evil. They certainly do evil acts, which I define as an action intentionally taken that will hurt/devastate another human being for no greater good.
They do these things because they are selfish, narcissistic, and, well, fucking stupid. Maybe I'm splitting hairs though.
Seems like you and I are in the same space, mentally, as my WW is going to lose her meal ticket and, lets face it, her emotional support. That's something I haven't really brought up in this thread. I'm the one that she has always talked to. The one she unloads her emotional baggage on. Her sisters SUCK at it. One talks AT HER and the other is just completely useless and stops her from talking; she says shit like 'okay, I've had enough, let's talk about something else' after 5 minutes of conversation. I've heard the OM on the phone with her and he's also completely useless - he has the emotional maturity of a five year old. Seriously.
