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I Can Relate :
Betrayed Womenz Thread

Topic is Sleeping.
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heartbroken83 ( member #71395) posted at 7:08 PM on Monday, October 14th, 2019

Lots of people are angry at the ow with good reason. I think it is my faith and my relationship with God that allows me to not be mad at her but not everyone is there. I too feel sorry for her. She is a 58 year old woman who spent the last 3 years of her life being "in-love" with someone else's husband. I will never understand how 3 am booty calls and 3pm park romps were enough for her for a good part of 2 years?? I would want more. She deserves more for herself. I guess maybe because of my past I am more sympathetic to her. I was a very lost individual at that time and I believe that anyone who can do that to anyone else is a very lost individual who needs help and love. And as I am not ready to be her best friend I do pray for her.

All that to say, I think it is natural to be mad at her just don't think you should be mad at her and not WBF. He owed you something she did not.

posts: 147   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2019   ·   location: CT
id 8452021
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 7:10 PM on Monday, October 14th, 2019

I think anger toward the POSAP is perfectly justifiable. True they didn't make vows to you, but they still actively pursued someone who was in a relationship. So yes, be angry at the AP, but make sure to spread the angry to your SO too.

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3145   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8452023
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Lostheart8 ( member #71607) posted at 8:05 PM on Monday, October 14th, 2019

Thanks ladies. Sorry this going to be a rant today. Today not good day.

The stupid MOW....I would kill to be married (I have no idea of state of marriage) with a child living in a almost million dollar home. Having money to travel all over America and Europe. Having money to buy expensive hobby items.

She has no idea how lucky she is. I feel bad that she has lost touch with how much she’s got going. I feel bad that she could easily fall in love with a man, 3000 miles away who she only knows the mask he wears.

Just ranting....who the fuck falls in love with almost a stranger when you’re both involved with other people? God, even I didn’t fall in love with WBF until about a year into our relationship. I was in lust but not love. Isn’t that maturity? Once you’ve been married .... you know falling in love is just the fake part of things. She has no clue about this man and she’s in love? I’m guessing she’s an immature 48 yr woman.

Yes, I’m pissed at WBF. He jumped at the ego kibble without once stopping to think of me or her or her child (this part I finding troubling because of my own experience w dad cheating).

Why the fuck would I even want to hug, kiss...never mind all the other things....with WBF knowing his lack of respect and character?

Back to working on myself. It all keeps coming back to me. I need a better man picker.

posts: 162   ·   registered: Sep. 17th, 2019
id 8452052
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heartbroken83 ( member #71395) posted at 8:25 PM on Monday, October 14th, 2019

I think we all do at this point

posts: 147   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2019   ·   location: CT
id 8452060
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 9:02 PM on Monday, October 14th, 2019

Married APs are safer, for sure.

I was extremely angry at the MOW in my sitch. She pursued and groomed my fch for an A. If not for her (or someone like her), he would not have cheated. She deserves my anger. She broke the sista code. She can fuck off and die!

HB, not everyone who cheats deserves sympathy or empathy even if they are broken. Some are just evil people. Cluster B disordered people come to mind.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8452087
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 9:07 PM on Monday, October 14th, 2019

who the fuck falls in love with almost a stranger when you’re both involved with other people?

Shitty horrible wastes of good breathable oxygen, worthless sorry excuses for women that's who.

She pursued and groomed my fch for an A. If not for her (or someone like her), he would not have cheated. She deserves my anger. She broke the sista code. She can fuck off and die!

I second that one C+5N. Word. *fist bump

Hugs LH - you're on a down day on the rollercoaster. Been there and they suck ass. Just breathe through it - it will get better. I was down last week and most of the weekend. Today I am just flat. I'm just giving myself permission right now to be wherever I am on the rollercoaster. So should you.

Happy farking Monday.

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3145   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8452091
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HeHadADoubleLife ( member #68944) posted at 9:25 PM on Monday, October 14th, 2019

Hey everyone, been lurking and reading, but have been out of town on a crazy job so too busy to post. Just wanted to say hi, and sorry for all the new bullshit that you've had to deal with since the last time I posted.

My anger towards the OW is surprisingly on the lower end of the spectrum. I think because I already knew the sob story/sack of lies he had sold her without even ever having to hear it. I had already lived the past 7 years hearing him recite the epic tale of his perpetual victimhood, so it was like watching a movie I had seen 100 times - I could recite all of the lines before the actor even came on the screen.

Now, to find her in my bed after I had already caught her with him in his car - that was a new low. But I figured she had fallen hook, line and sinker for all of his bullshit, and wasn't ready to see the light. From what little I've heard about her via my step daughters and their rants about her, she seems like a very broken, lost individual who unfortunately fell for a lot of bullshit. I think I feel even worse for her because I can remember falling for similar bullshit when I was much younger, and I can look back at my younger self now and think "Oh honey, you were so naive." For a nearly 40 year old woman, I actually feel sorry for her that she still has the emotional maturity that I had at about 22.

The fact that she came into my home after she saw me screaming in her face in his car though does really irk me. So even though she is his "girlfriend," I will never use that term, or even call her by her first name. Whenever she is brought up, she is "the mistress." Depending on the circle I'm speaking with, I elevate her to C**tress. Or just See (C) You (U) Next (N) Tuesday (T), or Tuesday for short.

We need a BWz shorthand for abbreviations. Here's my list just from the past couple of months, I'm sure there are more. Maybe we can also contribute to definitions, kind of like our very own urban dictionary.

KITD - Kick in the Dick (actual or metaphorical)

D2DW - Dollars to Donut Whores

FOAD - Fuck Off And Die

Anyone else got anything to add?

BW
DDay Nov 2018
Many previous DDays due to his sex addiction

Hurt me with the truth, but don't comfort me with a lie.

Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest upon reciprocity.

posts: 830   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2018   ·   location: CA
id 8452106
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DaisyAnne ( member #71434) posted at 9:34 PM on Monday, October 14th, 2019

I was extremely angry at the MOW in my sitch. She pursued and groomed my fch for an A. If not for her (or someone like her), he would not have cheated. She deserves my anger. She broke the sista code. She can fuck off and die!

This pretty much sums it up for me as well. I will happily spit on her grave whenever she does finally fuck off and die.

Me: BW - early 40's
Him: WH - late 40's
Married: 18 years, together 24
2 teenage children
Dday: 5/23/19
Reconciling

posts: 241   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2019
id 8452113
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 9:41 PM on Monday, October 14th, 2019

KITD - Kick in the Dick (actual or metaphorical) **Or spiritual

D2DW - Dollars to Donut Whores

FOAD - Fuck Off And Die

Anyone else got anything to add?

I can see this getting very involved!!

RA+ - Rashawnda Approved

ESAD - Eat Shit And Die

S+BB - Sparkles and Bitch Boots

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3145   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8452116
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Lostheart8 ( member #71607) posted at 11:23 PM on Monday, October 14th, 2019

Love ya ladies. This helps so much.

Ellie I love your quote....which I can’t figure out how to copy and paste on an iPad. Yes worthless waste of oxygen. Another fist pump here too!

Yes thanks for reminding me there’s just going to be bad days. I keep forgetting about the roller coaster ride. Oh joy....free admission to the fun park with each A.

I can’t imagine grooming someone to cheat. There’s some real dirt bag c***s out there.

Hehad....omg .....that’s too funny. KITD ...I like that one a lot.

Daisyanne.....🤣 I would prefer to spit on the live version.

posts: 162   ·   registered: Sep. 17th, 2019
id 8452161
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AmIAnIdiot15 ( member #71023) posted at 2:35 AM on Tuesday, October 15th, 2019

I too have been trying to keep up, but it's crazy around here. I work from home, I should have more time!

I love all of the abbreviations. We should compile a list for the first page of every new thread.

I have a multitude of feelings about the other woman. First of all, she knew he was married, and ANY woman who sleeps with a married man is, well, trashy. She's lost custody of 2/3 of her children, and just seems all around, again, trashy.

But I also sent her a text after my H went no contact letting her know that if she ever needed someone to talk to, I was here. My H was the most stable person in her life, and even though he was only there for a few months, I DO understand that even though he was only around for a few months, yanking that person away from her could be difficult. She's had at least two previous suicide attempts. I would feel terrible if she killed herself after he went NC.

BW acronyms:

KITD - Kick in the Dick (actual or metaphorical)

D2DW - Dollars to Donut Whores

FOAD - Fuck Off And Die

RA+ - Rashawnda Approved

ESAD - Eat Shit And Die

S+BB - Sparkles and Bitch Boots

[This message edited by AmIAnIdiot15 at 8:39 PM, October 14th (Monday)]

posts: 81   ·   registered: Jul. 16th, 2019   ·   location: CO
id 8452256
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Lostheart8 ( member #71607) posted at 2:40 AM on Tuesday, October 15th, 2019

Wow. AmI....you are amazing. That takes a lot character to do that. ♥️

posts: 162   ·   registered: Sep. 17th, 2019
id 8452258
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 3:02 AM on Tuesday, October 15th, 2019

AIAI you are a better person than me... I would tell shitbag ap twatlet to call me if she ever needed reminding of just how shitty of a person she is. Can't say I would feel right in my soul if she self-harmed... but can't rightly say I would feel bad either.

I hand wrote out a whole bunch of different song lyrics (and I have really bad carpal tunnel so writing takes effort). I tucked them into my xwh laundry basket that is in my garage that he will be picking up within the next couple weeks. Along with my favorite picture of him and my niece that he will never see again. I hope he finds it and it kills what little soul he has left the bastard.

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3145   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8452265
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AmIAnIdiot15 ( member #71023) posted at 3:18 AM on Tuesday, October 15th, 2019

Oh, I still want to punch her in the face. She had the nerve to text him "Happy Anniversary" on our 20th anniversary after he'd broken off the physical part of their relationship.

She works at a gas station in the town my husband works in... I think I'm going up there this weekend. I may stop in there and try see her face. Funny story - I have actually been there - twice - I misunderstood which gas station she works at. So I'd been avoiding the wrong one. Luckily I didn't happen to run into her. It would have freaked me out to see her by accident.

posts: 81   ·   registered: Jul. 16th, 2019   ·   location: CO
id 8452273
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DaisyAnne ( member #71434) posted at 1:06 PM on Tuesday, October 15th, 2019

Daisyanne.....🤣 I would prefer to spit on the live version.

Oh, me too! I will happily do both!

Wow. AmI....you are amazing. That takes a lot character to do that. ♥️

Can't say I would feel right in my soul if she self-harmed... but can't rightly say I would feel bad either.

Yeah, I am more with Elle on this one. The OW made the decision to get involved with a married man. What she has to deal with in the aftermath is all on her now.

And if I am being completely truthful, I would only feel bad for her family (especially her mom and son).

[This message edited by DaisyAnne at 7:18 AM, October 15th (Tuesday)]

Me: BW - early 40's
Him: WH - late 40's
Married: 18 years, together 24
2 teenage children
Dday: 5/23/19
Reconciling

posts: 241   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2019
id 8452377
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 2:22 PM on Tuesday, October 15th, 2019

Kept a low profile and came back to the Best BW Urban Dictionary of ever!

D2DW that RA+

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3269   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8452412
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 2:58 PM on Tuesday, October 15th, 2019

The OW made the decision to get involved with a married man. What she has to deal with in the aftermath is all on her now.

Yep. I am not responsible for her mental health. Obviously, if I thought she was in immediate danger, I would do something. But, I wouldn't offer help before the fact. There are services for that.

AmI, what would be the point of going out of your way to see her? What are you hoping to accomplish?

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8452426
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ThisIsSoLonely ( member #64418) posted at 3:24 PM on Tuesday, October 15th, 2019

I am surprisingly not angry at the OW for her involvement with my WH. This is ALL his fault IMO. She is married, a co-worker, and she and my WH and the OBS all work together AND the OBS was one of my WH's best friends. When I look at it from my view, my WH cheated on me and cheated on one of his friends (he was in their wedding for fuck's sake) and continued to do it after I informed the OBS and after I made HIM inform the OBS.

She disgusts me too - don't get me wrong, especially her text messages to me "reminding" me that she and the OBS had a young child and that she did not need me meddling in her marriage.

But all this is on my WH in my opinion - 100%. I don't know her and I don't care that she pursued him (she did - I've seen the messages). He's a grown man and that is not an excuse in the least - like 0% of an excuse IMO. I've had a few people look my way in the last few years, including a very old friend who was recently divorced - and I've sent them packing (and admonished him for flirting around with me too much b/c at the time I was married - granted he knew about the cheating by then so his excuse was that he thought we were separated - so I gave him a pass on the overstepping and it's never happened again). Someone trying to hit on you/flirt with you/get you in bed/whatever is NO excuse in my world for it happening. None. And honestly, I get a bit irritated when I see BS's placing blame on the AP when I guess I see it more like this:

The AP and the WP are both, equally, 100% responsible for the A. Period. (Yes I know the math doesn't add up - but I see it more like property law as opposed to comparative negligence - joint owners of a piece of property each own 100% of the property meaning neither of them can sell it or mortgage it w/out the consent of the other, but they can both use and enjoy 100% of it w/out any consent of the other necessary). When I look at it that way, the only party that concerns me was my WH - his AP meant nothing to me and honestly I could have cared less what she did to her own life. It wasn't until she contacted me that she brought me into her world, but other than that, my WH is 100% to blame for the entire thing.

In fact, he had choices she simply did not have. He chose to lie to me and betray me, over and over and over again. She did not. He chose to lie to me and trick me and deceive me and to tell me total falsehoods about what was in his heart - she did not and could not have done that to me.

I could go on and on...sorry for the rant. It's been a long time since I posted on this thread - I'm just having a horrible horrible day.

“Sometimes you're going to have to let one person go a thousand different times, a thousand different ways, and there’s nothing pathetic or abnormal about that. You are human.” - Heidi Priebe

posts: 1816   ·   registered: Jul. 11th, 2018
id 8452448
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Lostheart8 ( member #71607) posted at 3:55 PM on Tuesday, October 15th, 2019

Thisissoloney .... keep ranting .... I find reading the posts so helpful for my feelings. I’m not alone in this fucking mess. Hope your day goes better today.

Plus, you ladies stop me from going to fantasy land where I would rug sweep. I’m sure if I hadn’t found this forum I would have pretended everything was ok and continued on w WBF. The taste of reality keeps keeps me in the true mind set if I go back to this guy .... there’s a shit load of work to be done.

Ok...I’m getting weak. Almost went out of NC last night. I hung in and didn’t contact him. I despise the pick me dance so I held firm. But it was a struggle.

I need to make a commit to you ladies, that I’m not contacting him. I need you all to commit to. I’m scared I’ll fall off the NC wagon which will be dishonoring myself. He’ll take me back in a heartbeat and I’ll be setting myself up for heartbreak again.

I hate hopium. It sneaks in and I end up hoping he’ll be different.

posts: 162   ·   registered: Sep. 17th, 2019
id 8452471
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 5:17 PM on Tuesday, October 15th, 2019

Lostheart8 - you stayed strong even though you felt weak.

That should be celebrated! That is a bad ass move right there.

Do something nice to treat yourself for it.

Oh - and FUCK ALL APs. May they be cursed with boils upon their faces and nether-regions.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3269   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8452522
Topic is Sleeping.
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