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OW has passed away

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nekorb posted 8/30/2019 23:32 PM

Trigger warning: mentions suicide

I havenít been here in quite awhile. Iíve been happily moved on from the trauma of infidelity and divorce and enjoying my new beginning. The OW has been a continued source of problems for my kids as it relates to the ex. Yes, he was still with her. Until This Week.

I got a call early in the morning one day this week from DD, saying that OW had committed suicide.

I have such a mixed bag of feelings about this. I know there are others here who understand.

I guess we should have known it would end in a dramatic fashion, but I would never wish this on anyone, and Iím heartsick for her children.

Iím angry at her for being selfish, and Iím furious with the ex for bringing this broken person into their lives who has done nothing but cause them sadness and pain.

On a positive note, my younger dd, who has had several suicide attempts, now recognizes the devastation that it causes. She feels horrible that she was selfish in that way. Weíve responded with ďwhen you know better you do betterĒ.

My dd(younger) was in the house when this happened. Saw the OW after she had expired, saw ex doing CPR, talked with the 911 operator while OWís child was crying and screaming.

It pisses me off and simultaneously makes me so sad for everyone.


(In other news - G5 and I will be together for three years in another month or so!! I really enjoy what we have together)

[This message edited by nekorb at 11:33 PM, August 30th (Friday)]

Phoenix1 posted 8/30/2019 23:49 PM

While it's good to *see* you again, I'm sorry it is under these circumstances. I'm sorry your kids got dragged into this mess. Offer them IC, if needed.

On a brighter note, I'm happy for you and G5!

homewrecked2011 posted 8/31/2019 00:16 AM

Wow. Just Wow.

DashboardMadonna posted 8/31/2019 00:26 AM

I am sorry. That is a shit situation for her children. It really shows you how broken these people are... Nothing good ever comes of it. Like moths to a flame. Dysfunction and misery sure loves its company.

I personally struggle with this type of depression. Ironically its do to on-going abuse. A small sick few commit suicide as a way to hurt others, but most do it to escape a lot of pain and sometimes it is to escape the ones that cause that pain. It usually is not done from such a selfish place.

[This message edited by DashboardMadonna at 12:28 AM, August 31st (Saturday)]

nekorb posted 8/31/2019 05:08 AM

A small sick few commit suicide as a way to hurt others,

THIS is exactly what Iím wondering...

Chrysalis123 posted 8/31/2019 07:30 AM

OMG...(((((( Nekorb))))))

I cannot really imagine what you are feeling. How horrible for your children and hers.

It is so nice to see you again.

inconnu posted 8/31/2019 09:53 AM

I'm so sorry your kids have to deal with this, on top of everything else.

hardtimesinlife posted 8/31/2019 11:02 AM

Oh the children! So horrible for all of them. I'm so sorry they have to deal with that.
It's nice to hear that you are doing well with G5. I loved watching (reading) you number them :)

ZenMumWalking posted 8/31/2019 23:56 PM

hi nekorb, long time no see.....

Iím angry at her for being selfish

I'm going to take exception to this. Maybe in her case it's true, the ultimate 'fuck you' attention-getter. But I don't think that it's true in general and I think it does not do mentally ill people any good to accuse them of being 'selfish'. There is balance between limit of pain and coping skills, and our brain chemistry plays a big role in this.

Obviously she is a sicko for doing this with children in the house. I am glad though that it has given your DD a new perspective on suicide.

I'm also glad that guy5 has been a keeper!!


[This message edited by ZenMumWalking at 11:56 PM, August 31st (Saturday)]

nekorb posted 9/1/2019 06:34 AM

Zen mum I agree that the ďfuck youĒ mentality is not the norm. I hate the situation for her kids. I do feel sad for her that in that moment, for whatever reason, she felt that was the only solution to whatever was on her mind, because it really never is the answer.

My kids said the funeral went well, but that her family was oddly unemotional (parents, sibs, extended fam, etc). Even the kids were pretty stoic. I think maybe they just grieve differently. Who knows, maybe they are the reason she was so broken.

In any case, Iím interested to see what happens with the ex now. Itís the first time heís been single since he was in HS. Iím hoping a lot of therapy. Not holding my breath.

My oldest DD is getting married in a couple months. Gives everyone something positive to focus on.

G5 here for a couple days of R&R. 😁 itís nice to see some familiar faces. I hope everyone is doing well!

To the new folks, know that your NB can be anything you want it to be.

Chrysalis123 posted 9/1/2019 07:11 AM

Itís the first time heís been single since he was in HS. Iím hoping a lot of therapy. Not holding my breath.

My prediction- he will have a new victim, I mean girlfriend, in no time.

hardtimesinlife posted 9/1/2019 08:33 AM

Itís the first time heís been single since he was in HS. Iím hoping a lot of therapy. Not holding my breath.

Maybe he already has a new one. Could that be why she chose to take her life? Either way, heartbreaking all the way around.

nutmegkitty posted 9/1/2019 11:18 AM

I'm sorry for her children.

Emotionalhell posted 9/1/2019 12:17 PM

Considering she committed suicide while her children where in the house, I believe it was for attention and to hurt others. .. her very final attempt for attention. I have read that most ppl donít think about how final it is.
Most ppl that commit suicide wait till they are alone.
So sorry for her children

BrokenheartedUK posted 9/2/2019 10:00 AM

nekorb!! It's so good to see you but not in these circumstances.

I'm so sorry that your kids are caught up in this mess. And I caution you to not be over confident that your DD has learned about the devastating consequences. Suicides run in families because it can be interpreted as a "solution" to problems and the door for that is open. I would make sure that you stay vigilant about your DD and get all your children into IC to process this.

I don't know what would lead the OW to this point but she's clearly had a documented history of making bad decisions and drama. Ugh. Your kids. And nothing short of tragic for her own.

I am delighted to hear that you and G5 are still going strong!!

deena04 posted 9/2/2019 21:28 PM

I am sorry for her kids. I hope your kids are doing ok witnessing this happen.

EvenKeel posted 9/5/2019 12:39 PM

Oh man - what an awful thing!!!!

I am so sorry for her children and yours. What a horrible thing to have to experience.

nekorb posted 10/10/2019 18:08 PM

Hi everyone!

Just a little update that I know all of you will appreciate.

In true NPD style, the ex asked my daughter last weekend if he can bring a date to her wedding in a couple weeks.

Please, someone hold my eyes in place!!!!

She told him no. She told me she was not going to deal with that bullshit at her wedding.

This person he asked to bring was spotted coming out of his bedroom late Saturday night by DD#2 when she arrived home unexpectedly. Ex actually tried telling her that she was helping him change the sheets.

Heís such an idiot.

ETA: apparently this is what mourning the ďlove of his lifeĒ looks like in his NPD world

[This message edited by nekorb at 6:09 PM, October 10th (Thursday)]

Chrysalis123 posted 10/10/2019 19:41 PM

She told him no. She told me she was not going to deal with that bullshit at her wedding.

I predict he will say: "DD, I am so disappointed with you. Why don't you want me to be happy?"

Good for DD and good for you for seeing through all this NPD bullshit.

[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 7:42 PM, October 10th (Thursday)]

BearlyBreathing posted 10/10/2019 20:21 PM

Wow. Leopard doesnt change his spots.

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