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I Can Relate :
Long Term Affairs Part 39

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MangledHeart ( Webmaster) posted at 3:15 PM on Friday, November 5th, 2021

Bumping by request smile

Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength. ~Corrie Ten Boom

posts: 10000   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2002   ·   location: Texas
id 8696986
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 4:21 PM on Friday, November 5th, 2021

Another gift of the LTA. OBS reached out again. I haven't heard from him since early spring - when we had to have a Cease and Desist sent because LTAP was using fake profiles again to try to connect with WH. He is having that "gut feeling again". On my end, WH turned up "clean". Trust but Verify.

What I did find is a few things in the spam folder. Unopened. Un responded to. Hanging. From "facebook user" which [according to a few sources] means they were from an account that has been deleted. They have been from anywhere from 1 year ago to 8 weeks ago]. All with 1 word "hi" "hello" "hey". Coincidence - absolutely. But what I've learned form WH over the years - that's how he and LTAP would see if the other was willing to "start talking" again after a break (that could have been days/weeks or months on a few occasions). While nothing can be proven - all signs point to failed attempts by LTAP. Even OBS feels it was her.

But this reach out tells me to be on by toes. OBS did tell me LTAP has been on a tear lately - wanting her "revenge". This does not bode well for anyone. For him - his wife/LTAP still has a strong emotional attachment to WH. For me - she will let dust settle and try to work around that C&D.

Living in the wake of a LTA is no fun. I wonder if I ever will have rest from a LTAP that just won't get over him.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3328   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
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Wiseoldfool ( member #78413) posted at 5:05 PM on Sunday, November 7th, 2021

Chaos,

My WW’s AP was my best friend. He was in our wedding. We were all very close for twenty years. I won’t recount the brutal nature of the double betrayal and LTA here, but it went on for several years right under my nose.

She finally tried to break it off and his response was to burn all the bridges and disappear. I did not learn of the affair until it had been over for five years, and that was several years ago. So, neither of us had contact with him for about eight years. But……..

Because the world is a small place and sometimes exceedingly cruel, while my mother lay dying I found myself in his workplace, face to face with him for the first time in eight years, and for the first time since I learned of the affair. He knows I know, because I sent him a text to tell him I know a couple of years ago. He didn’t have the courage to respond or the decency to apologize.

So there I was, in the midst of my mother’s death, having my wife’s affair intersect in my real life in real time.

He’s a coward, so when I locked eyes with him he froze. Speechless. I just chuckled at him and shook my head, then walked on by and got on the elevator. When I got to my car, I was livid, for all the obvious reasons: the fact there was an affair, the fact he initiated it, the fact it went on so long, the cowardly failure to apologize once he knew I had learned of it, and the fact that I couldn’t even attend to my mother’s death without having my wife’s affair surface like that.

Anyway, I feel your pain. It sucks what our spouses did to us, and how the affair continues to disrupt our lives even years later.

Every secret you keep with your affair partner sustains the affair. Every lie you tell, every misunderstanding you permit, every deflection you pose, every omission you allow sustains the affair.

posts: 150   ·   registered: Mar. 1st, 2021
id 8697385
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whatisloveanyway ( member #66450) posted at 4:26 PM on Tuesday, November 9th, 2021

Chaos, so sorry the LTA and crazy LTAP continue to rear their ugly heads. I don't know what else you can do to feel more secure and move on since you are dealing with a crazy person. It seems like our efforts to heal and move forward are monumental in the easiest of circumstances, but you got an extra helping of damn hard. So glad all evidence is that your H is staying vigilantly NC. Hope you hang in there and things calm down again. Vent anytime.

BW: 61 WH: 61 Both 57 on Dday. M: 34 years, 2 grown kids, 9 year Affair with MOW, 7 month False Recovery, year + trickle truth. I got rid of her. Reconciling, but the lies have piled up. Trying one more time. Sorry for the sticky shift key and typ

posts: 288   ·   registered: Oct. 9th, 2018   ·   location: Southeastern USA
id 8697724
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Notaboringwife ( member #74302) posted at 9:05 PM on Tuesday, November 9th, 2021

Chaos,

Living in the wake of a LTA is no fun. I wonder if I ever will have rest from a LTAP that just won't get over him.

I am wondering the same thing about my husband's LTAP. Will she ever detach from my husband? When? Do I have to be on my guard all the time wondering when and how she will reach out again? Is she drunk or sober when she reaches out? Why is she still at the age of 71 years old, holding on to my husband?
Is she depressed, angry, pissed off at the way my husband dumped her almost three years ago? Is it revenge she wants? Does she just want to see whether my husband will renew their past relationship? Is she crazy? Is she lonely?

My husband has kept stealth, no contact. We thought we had blocked her, but no..somehow she got through. She also did a drive by our house...I saw her and recognized the car. Maybe more times , who knows?

She is not over him. My husband is over her. Me, I am surviving and I definitely relate to this.

Give thanks for a little and you will find a lot.

posts: 249   ·   registered: Apr. 24th, 2020
id 8697765
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GraceLoves ( member #78769) posted at 10:18 PM on Tuesday, November 16th, 2021

@Chaos, sending hugs. Also got a crazy AP here.

I am not even making this story up, but I swear to God, WH moved country to escape and six weeks later the crazy bitch showed up on holiday about 3 miles away (5000 miles!!!) tagging mutual friends in on social media (who were not with her!!!) to be sure we saw it.

We had to delete social media entirely now.

Only 5 months since he moved and stopped seeing her every day at work.

Only 2 months since he stopped working for the same company and was able to fully "block" her on email and phone.

He thinks she will leave us alone now. I think he's probably being optimistic!

BW - seperated since Nov 21
DDay 1 - Nov 20, LTA during LDR. DDay 2 - Feb 21, ONS with AP. WH will maintain we were separated
DDay 3 - June 21, discovered WH had exchanged closure emails with AP

posts: 133   ·   registered: May. 9th, 2021   ·   location: London
id 8698763
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 1:01 AM on Saturday, November 20th, 2021

Chaos, I am sorry to hear that the donut whore is unsettled. Honestly, what the fuck is with these women. Get your own life. And be Ashamed.

Clearly they need a lot of help.

I am thrilled your H passed your checks with flying colours.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1677   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8699399
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Hurtmyheart ( member #63008) posted at 5:38 PM on Saturday, November 20th, 2021

What I did find is a few things in the spam folder. Unopened. Un responded to

Chaos, just to let you know, I have been able to read my emails and go back and mark them as unread.

posts: 742   ·   registered: Mar. 12th, 2018
id 8699462
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 5:29 PM on Monday, November 22nd, 2021

Hurtmyheart - True. All true. Which is the Verify part of Trust but Verify. These are via FB messenger. And while he could have opened them, then marked them unopened, and left them - my gut tells me if he did that he'd have just deleted them instead. They are still there, hanging.

They span from a few months ago to a few years ago.

The fact that they are in the spam part of "message requests" and appear unopened, they are un-responded to and the profile of whoever has sent them has been deleted or he blocked from it.

All signs point to someone [probably that DW of a LTAP] has been fishing - no one has taken the bait. However - what this discovery tells me is to be on high alert. WH seems to have passed with flying colors. Whoever is creating then deleting profiles when reaching out doesn't work - has not.

Because if it happens again and I can trace it back to her - that's in violation of the Cease & Desist.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3328   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8699649
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